PEACE

to all who enter here

Lunchlady 2

Lunchlady 2
Birthday
March 05
Bio
I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye. I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way. I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...

MY RECENT POSTS

SEPTEMBER 20, 2014 5:08PM

Sometimes

It seems when I am very, very tired, after a hard week of work, I find myself feeling like a small child and all I want is to be able to lay my hand in anothers, for them to say they will take the wheel for awhile, they will answer the… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 7, 2014 1:09PM

Melancholy


  1. mel·an·chol·y  (mln-kl)
    n.
    1. Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: "There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" (Charles Kuralt).
    2. Pensive reflection or contemplation.
    3. Archaic
    a. Black bile.
    b. An emotional state characterized by
Read full post »
AUGUST 23, 2014 2:12PM

Scattered

I vowed not to turn the TV on today until I wrote something. I have realized I bury all thought, all feeling inside a program that I couldn't even tell you what it was about, after watching it.

My second husband was fond of saying I was scattered out like a… Read full post »

AUGUST 3, 2014 7:42PM

One Last Time: First Love

He showed up at my door sometime last week, as I opened the door so many emotions crossed over my head, my heart, but I knew what I had to do.

R stood there, looking at me like, well here I am what happens now, I kept him at the… Read full post »

JULY 21, 2014 9:39PM

In My Head

I am going to go up to my sisters, it was either today or tomorrow, only today, when I got up, my old girl Zena Bear was acting strange so I decided to stay home and go tomorrow.

All that leads me to what my sister said about our family being… Read full post »

JULY 16, 2014 9:43PM

Where Have I Been?

I guess I have been in shut down mode, even now I don't feel the urge to write, I mean it is not "pouring" out of me as it does most times I write, but it is more of a damn girl get these feelings out on paper...

My Navy son… Read full post »

JUNE 2, 2014 10:16PM

Man Made

That's who I am, a woman who has been formed by men into a simpering, whimpering, shell of who she is...

I don't know if it started with dad, trying to please a man who would never be pleased, it seems to follow me around like a dog on a leash. … Read full post »

MAY 1, 2014 9:14AM

Coming Out of the Dark

 I don’t know where this is all of a sudden coming from but, out of the blue, I have decided to take responsibility for my own life.

 

No prince charming is going to swoop in and clean my yard, fix my house, take care of me…and surprisingly, toRead full post »

Today is my sister's birthday and we have been doing this for longer than I can remember, this year I was struggling with coming up with something different and this morning it came to me....

Let me intrduce my loving, strong, incredible, sister Suzie!

 Okay then maybe I won't...damn thing won't… Read full post »

APRIL 6, 2014 4:08PM

As For Today

I have to admit, it was nice having someone who made me laugh, talk, cry and feel again in my life. I thought all I was, had been shut down for good.

It did bother me that his main premise was sex or rubbing something, or showering together, I mean hell… Read full post »

APRIL 5, 2014 12:47PM

Soul Mate My Ass

That's all she wrote folks my first love stopped calling me on Wednesday and refused to answer my calls back, even unfriended me on Facebook, he finally answered his phone this morning and I found out why this has happened...

Seems, he feels, I live in the past, that I focus… Read full post »

MARCH 29, 2014 2:30PM

Fetal Ball

I am still talking to my first love but I find my emotions keep changing, keeping me confused.

As we talk, one day I feel his voice surround me with love and the next I worry about what will happen when we meet again in person and I pull back. Needless… Read full post »

MARCH 15, 2014 5:20PM

Does Death Define Me?

 Angel_of_Death

I stood outside today, forcing myself to replant a few geraniums' that had been killed by the freeze Cali had, as I stood there I swear the world stopped for a minute and I remembered all my children running through the spring, the summer and how loud and happy they… Read full post »

MARCH 9, 2014 3:11PM

Soul Mate?

 holding hands

My first love and I are still talking, every day, sometimes for hours at a time.

We keep feeling each others thoughts and emotions out, seemingly able to talk about anything, even when it hurts to remember.

Yesterday I had a memory return and it was a bad one, a… Read full post »

MARCH 5, 2014 8:41AM

Today is my Birthday

I have nothing today, I just can't think to write anything so I am turning my birthday over to my big sister...

You may go here, if you want, and read my sister's birthday wish to me.

http://open.salon.com/blog/suzie/2014/03/04/what_another_birthday_so_soon

Thank you and have a great day :)  Read full post »

 images 

My lost love and I are still talking, we talk on week-ends and when I call him on week-days, he hates to wake me and forgets the 2 hour difference, we can talk for hours. When we try to say goodbye we find we keep talking until he finally says… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 9, 2014 5:42PM

The Dance

 the dance

Every week-end now I have been on the phone with my first love. His wife of 40 plus years has passed, the cancer finally winning the battle. He uses the words commitment and trust and I know why he stayed with her.

But I have also, now, found out why… Read full post »

JANUARY 30, 2014 8:58AM

Awkward

670px-Be-Less-Awkward-Step-2 

 

One of my staff at work is pregnant, due in March, so the topic of birth, children and nipples comes up alot. Since this is her first she has so many questions and we all pitch in with the best answers we have to help ease her mind. Mostly… Read full post »

JANUARY 26, 2014 4:22PM

What Do "I" Want?

 old age love

 

I have cancelled all the dating sites my son had me try, but they are still active for 3 months, so I find myself going over to look at what kind of men are out there...

The only problem, I found, was that in my mind I thought I… Read full post »

JANUARY 15, 2014 8:49AM

Happy Birthday Joey

familyDear Son,

Today would have been your 42nd birthday, you would have graduated from turbine school and you and your love would have been married, even possibly would have adopted me another grandchild by now, but life did not work out like it was supposed to, life threw us a curve… Read full post »

JANUARY 12, 2014 6:59PM

Pensive

  pensive

Deeply or seriously thoughtful, often with a tinge  of sadness

I received a call last week-end from my first love, I am still friends with his brother and he had given him my number, which I was fine with.

We made small talk, I knew his wife, theRead full post »

JANUARY 1, 2014 7:04PM

I Believe I Get it Now

I can't help myself, every time Lord of the Rings comes on I must watch it, even though I own the complete set without the commercials and all the good stuff cut from it.

It has always bothered me that, in the end, Frodo loses, no great prize, no love of… Read full post »

DECEMBER 6, 2013 8:49AM

Just Another Dead Beat Dad?

Yesterday I had another meeting with my counselor and found out he is moving his practice to Stockton, he will still be available to me if I need him I only need to phone and make an appointment or I could start to drive the hour there, the hour visit andRead full post »

NOVEMBER 30, 2013 8:26PM

Alone

I have recently discovered that, when I am not working, I hide in my  home like a mole, hiding from the sun, mindlessly watching TV and ignoring the need to write, to dig myself out of this hole I am in.

But when I go outside to feed the dog, I… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2013 9:12AM

Life

 Joe and me

Two years ago today Joey died, I really believe he had died the day before once I thought about it and remembered how things seemed different but in the end it doesn't matter, either the hospital was nice enough to give this worn out family one more quiet night ofRead full post »