- March 05
- I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye.
I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way.
I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...
MY RECENT POSTS
- "The Holidays"
November 24, 2014 02:13PM
- I Wish
November 16, 2014 03:49PM
November 03, 2014 08:42AM
- The Hits Keep Coming
October 12, 2014 02:22PM
- A Conversation with Myself
October 04, 2014 08:09PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “I love you all so much
and wish every one of you
but such is
- “jmac, they sure can,
sometimes I think I think if I
a shoulder to cry
November 24, 2014 06:43PM
- “But Gabby, what if I
failed him on all these
things,I know he
loved me as a
November 24, 2014 05:44PM
- “Linda, maybe your right,
maybe I just can't deal with
yet, maybe I still
November 24, 2014 05:13PM
- “I knew you would beat
this, I just knew it!!! Your
November 24, 2014 03:45PM
Lunchlady 2's Links
- MY LINKS
I have been trying for at least the past week to clear my head, to chase away the memories that haunt my every day.
The last time I really talked to my son, the computer, the airplane video, the mom, look I made it, look at me, I am not a… Read full post »
If only wishes were real, if just because you wish it, you had it, what lessons would we learn...are we supposed to learn lessons?
Are we supposed to grow and learn and care for others, are we here to learn respect for nature and life, will there come a time, when… Read full post »
Sorry I haven't been around much, I miss you all but life just keeps getting in the way.
The other day my son's love put up a picture on Facebook, she was standing alone, looking healthy, happy and she was smiling.
For some reason that picture made me cry, my son… Read full post »
Here it is October once again, a time of seasons that seem to hurt my heart more with each passing year. I am at a point where the holidays are just reminders of what has been lost, not joy or happiness but sadness and pain.
I recieved a call from my… Read full post »
This year Fall has just barely shown its true colors and already I am missing my son, that does not bode well for the rest of the season.
I find myself in constant conversations with myself, talking myself out of what I am thinking, at the same time, trying to talk… Read full post »
It seems when I am very, very tired, after a hard week of work, I find myself feeling like a small child and all I want is to be able to lay my hand in anothers, for them to say they will take the wheel for awhile, they will answer the… Read full post »
I vowed not to turn the TV on today until I wrote something. I have realized I bury all thought, all feeling inside a program that I couldn't even tell you what it was about, after watching it.
My second husband was fond of saying I was scattered out like a… Read full post »
He showed up at my door sometime last week, as I opened the door so many emotions crossed over my head, my heart, but I knew what I had to do.
R stood there, looking at me like, well here I am what happens now, I kept him at the… Read full post »
I am going to go up to my sisters, it was either today or tomorrow, only today, when I got up, my old girl Zena Bear was acting strange so I decided to stay home and go tomorrow.
All that leads me to what my sister said about our family being… Read full post »
I guess I have been in shut down mode, even now I don't feel the urge to write, I mean it is not "pouring" out of me as it does most times I write, but it is more of a damn girl get these feelings out on paper...
My Navy son… Read full post »
That's who I am, a woman who has been formed by men into a simpering, whimpering, shell of who she is...
I don't know if it started with dad, trying to please a man who would never be pleased, it seems to follow me around like a dog on a leash. … Read full post »
I don’t know where this is all of a sudden coming from but, out of the blue, I have decided to take responsibility for my own life.
No prince charming is going to swoop in and clean my yard, fix my house, take care of me…and surprisingly, to… Read full post »
Today is my sister's birthday and we have been doing this for longer than I can remember, this year I was struggling with coming up with something different and this morning it came to me....
Let me intrduce my loving, strong, incredible, sister Suzie!
Okay then maybe I won't...damn thing won't… Read full post »
I have to admit, it was nice having someone who made me laugh, talk, cry and feel again in my life. I thought all I was, had been shut down for good.
It did bother me that his main premise was sex or rubbing something, or showering together, I mean hell… Read full post »
That's all she wrote folks my first love stopped calling me on Wednesday and refused to answer my calls back, even unfriended me on Facebook, he finally answered his phone this morning and I found out why this has happened...
Seems, he feels, I live in the past, that I focus… Read full post »
I am still talking to my first love but I find my emotions keep changing, keeping me confused.
As we talk, one day I feel his voice surround me with love and the next I worry about what will happen when we meet again in person and I pull back. Needless… Read full post »
I stood outside today, forcing myself to replant a few geraniums' that had been killed by the freeze Cali had, as I stood there I swear the world stopped for a minute and I remembered all my children running through the spring, the summer and how loud and happy they… Read full post »
My first love and I are still talking, every day, sometimes for hours at a time.
We keep feeling each others thoughts and emotions out, seemingly able to talk about anything, even when it hurts to remember.
Yesterday I had a memory return and it was a bad one, a… Read full post »
I have nothing today, I just can't think to write anything so I am turning my birthday over to my big sister...
You may go here, if you want, and read my sister's birthday wish to me.
Thank you and have a great day :) Read full post »
My lost love and I are still talking, we talk on week-ends and when I call him on week-days, he hates to wake me and forgets the 2 hour difference, we can talk for hours. When we try to say goodbye we find we keep talking until he finally says… Read full post »
Every week-end now I have been on the phone with my first love. His wife of 40 plus years has passed, the cancer finally winning the battle. He uses the words commitment and trust and I know why he stayed with her.
But I have also, now, found out why… Read full post »
One of my staff at work is pregnant, due in March, so the topic of birth, children and nipples comes up alot. Since this is her first she has so many questions and we all pitch in with the best answers we have to help ease her mind. Mostly… Read full post »
I have cancelled all the dating sites my son had me try, but they are still active for 3 months, so I find myself going over to look at what kind of men are out there...
The only problem, I found, was that in my mind I thought I… Read full post »
Today would have been your 42nd birthday, you would have graduated from turbine school and you and your love would have been married, even possibly would have adopted me another grandchild by now, but life did not work out like it was supposed to, life threw us a curve… Read full post »