PEACE

to all who enter here

Lunchlady 2

Lunchlady 2
Birthday
March 05
Bio
I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye. I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way. I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...

MY RECENT POSTS

Today is my sister's birthday and we have been doing this for longer than I can remember, this year I was struggling with coming up with something different and this morning it came to me....

Let me intrduce my loving, strong, incredible, sister Suzie!

 Okay then maybe I won't...damn thing won't… Read full post »

APRIL 6, 2014 4:08PM

As For Today

I have to admit, it was nice having someone who made me laugh, talk, cry and feel again in my life. I thought all I was, had been shut down for good.

It did bother me that his main premise was sex or rubbing something, or showering together, I mean hell… Read full post »

APRIL 5, 2014 12:47PM

Soul Mate My Ass

That's all she wrote folks my first love stopped calling me on Wednesday and refused to answer my calls back, even unfriended me on Facebook, he finally answered his phone this morning and I found out why this has happened...

Seems, he feels, I live in the past, that I focus… Read full post »

MARCH 29, 2014 2:30PM

Fetal Ball

I am still talking to my first love but I find my emotions keep changing, keeping me confused.

As we talk, one day I feel his voice surround me with love and the next I worry about what will happen when we meet again in person and I pull back. Needless… Read full post »

MARCH 15, 2014 5:20PM

Does Death Define Me?

 Angel_of_Death

I stood outside today, forcing myself to replant a few geraniums' that had been killed by the freeze Cali had, as I stood there I swear the world stopped for a minute and I remembered all my children running through the spring, the summer and how loud and happy they… Read full post »

MARCH 9, 2014 3:11PM

Soul Mate?

 holding hands

My first love and I are still talking, every day, sometimes for hours at a time.

We keep feeling each others thoughts and emotions out, seemingly able to talk about anything, even when it hurts to remember.

Yesterday I had a memory return and it was a bad one, a… Read full post »

MARCH 5, 2014 8:41AM

Today is my Birthday

I have nothing today, I just can't think to write anything so I am turning my birthday over to my big sister...

You may go here, if you want, and read my sister's birthday wish to me.

http://open.salon.com/blog/suzie/2014/03/04/what_another_birthday_so_soon

Thank you and have a great day :)  Read full post »

 images 

My lost love and I are still talking, we talk on week-ends and when I call him on week-days, he hates to wake me and forgets the 2 hour difference, we can talk for hours. When we try to say goodbye we find we keep talking until he finally says… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 9, 2014 5:42PM

The Dance

 the dance

Every week-end now I have been on the phone with my first love. His wife of 40 plus years has passed, the cancer finally winning the battle. He uses the words commitment and trust and I know why he stayed with her.

But I have also, now, found out why… Read full post »

JANUARY 30, 2014 8:58AM

Awkward

670px-Be-Less-Awkward-Step-2 

 

One of my staff at work is pregnant, due in March, so the topic of birth, children and nipples comes up alot. Since this is her first she has so many questions and we all pitch in with the best answers we have to help ease her mind. Mostly… Read full post »

JANUARY 26, 2014 4:22PM

What Do "I" Want?

 old age love

 

I have cancelled all the dating sites my son had me try, but they are still active for 3 months, so I find myself going over to look at what kind of men are out there...

The only problem, I found, was that in my mind I thought I… Read full post »

JANUARY 15, 2014 8:49AM

Happy Birthday Joey

familyDear Son,

Today would have been your 42nd birthday, you would have graduated from turbine school and you and your love would have been married, even possibly would have adopted me another grandchild by now, but life did not work out like it was supposed to, life threw us a curve… Read full post »

JANUARY 12, 2014 6:59PM

Pensive

  pensive

Deeply or seriously thoughtful, often with a tinge  of sadness

I received a call last week-end from my first love, I am still friends with his brother and he had given him my number, which I was fine with.

We made small talk, I knew his wife, theRead full post »

JANUARY 1, 2014 7:04PM

I Believe I Get it Now

I can't help myself, every time Lord of the Rings comes on I must watch it, even though I own the complete set without the commercials and all the good stuff cut from it.

It has always bothered me that, in the end, Frodo loses, no great prize, no love of… Read full post »

DECEMBER 6, 2013 8:49AM

Just Another Dead Beat Dad?

Yesterday I had another meeting with my counselor and found out he is moving his practice to Stockton, he will still be available to me if I need him I only need to phone and make an appointment or I could start to drive the hour there, the hour visit andRead full post »

NOVEMBER 30, 2013 8:26PM

Alone

I have recently discovered that, when I am not working, I hide in my  home like a mole, hiding from the sun, mindlessly watching TV and ignoring the need to write, to dig myself out of this hole I am in.

But when I go outside to feed the dog, I… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2013 9:12AM

Life

 Joe and me

Two years ago today Joey died, I really believe he had died the day before once I thought about it and remembered how things seemed different but in the end it doesn't matter, either the hospital was nice enough to give this worn out family one more quiet night ofRead full post »

NOVEMBER 7, 2013 9:03AM

Poor Proud

When Susie and I were small, it seemed, looking back through pictures, we had nice clothes and mom looked healthy and the world was a happy place. Three more children come along and the marriage started to go south along with dad's wandering eyes and the pictures get darker, the shoesRead full post »

OCTOBER 28, 2013 8:59AM

Anxiety

I have been receiving little brain glitches lately, the kind that make you want to duck and run and I could not understand why.

At first I though maybe our Harvest dinner all those turkeys but then that has been much easier with more help, without someone dying….

 Read full post »

OCTOBER 15, 2013 8:52AM

A Question

 

Turkey 1This Friday 60+ dead nasty turkeys ( I have been doing this for about 15 years and I now HATE turkey) will be delivered to my school walk-in, to make room for all these birds I need to move a bunch of heavy food items around to clear three major… Read full post »

OCTOBER 6, 2013 4:08PM

An Unexpected Gift

Yesterday I met with my son's fiancé to spend the day together. I picked her up at the bus stop and we headed over to a spiritual fair, we had planned to do this two years ago on the very day my son entered the hospital, so two years later we… Read full post »

OCTOBER 2, 2013 8:58AM

Sometimes

Awhile back I wrote about troubles I was having with my youngest son, he was not on a path I considered good.

I kept pushing and yelling and finally surrendered, what would be, would be....

 He found a school he wanted to attend, a trade school in Sacramento that has a… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 26, 2013 8:59AM

Outside Looking In

I find this morning I feel like my feral cat at work, she runs to my truck when I first get here every morning and lets (insists) I pet her but her guard is always up, she is always ready to run away like someone has been mean to her. She… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 22, 2013 7:01PM

An Ending of Sorts

Today is my youngest son's 21st birthday, almost 18 years ago I moved him, his siblings and their dad into my home. It was a decision that scared the hell out of me but here we are still a family, still growing, still moving forward.

He is enrolled in a trade… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 6, 2013 8:50AM

The Randomness of Life

 Mother Teresa

 

Yesterday I had a repair man come to the school to fix my outside freezer which had turned into a skating rink. I was in and out while he fixed it, watching him when I could and making small talk.

 

Once he found theRead full post »