PEACE

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Lunchlady 2

Lunchlady 2
Birthday
March 05
Bio
I am now a widow, having laid my last kiss on my husbands brow after he died to say goodbye. Since then I have found an old note he wrote me apologizing for his meanness laying on my floor and two gold coins under my blankets, his way of saying he was sorry and goodbye. I have buried my ex husband, my baby son, my grown son, my mom and now my husband and I wish to bury no more, but life does not work that way. I have birthed 3 children and have 3 more wonderful children from my last marriage. I have 4 living children and a granddaughter I adore and I am in the process of finding me. I have no idea who I am but I have discovered I am loved and I never knew that before and it makes me smile...

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MAY 14, 2012 8:38AM

I Just Don't Know

Rate: 34 Flag

Ride 1  

Friday was supposed to be my day, I took off work, slept 13 hours and then drove up the hill to visit the graves of my mom and son...not your typical choice for a day off but something I felt I needed to do.

I bought these little windmill type birds, loaded Zena Bear in my truck and off we went. We stopped along the way and went for a walk taking pictures with my phone since the camera I brought along was dead, got back in the truck and up the hill we went.

ride3 

One of the birds I bought, once there, would not turn right in the wind and no matter how hard I tried I could not get it to work right finally giving up I promised to bring another one up next trip.

ride 2 

I realized this was the first time I had been at the grave alone and I did have a very long talk with my son, my son's and a very good nose blowing cry a good way home.

ride 4 

I had just crossed the highway onto the back roads I take and my truck just died, just quit on me. I just sat there for a minute ready to just give up, done...only it was about 90 degrees, with no shade around and I had a 11 year old dog with me. I had to get her and my truck home. The husband was, as usual, useless so I hung up on him called 3A and an hour later was loaded onto a flatbed truck with no air conditioning ( did I mention it was HOT) and a very talkative young man for the hour drive home. What was nice as I sat there feeling sorry for myself was the many folks who stopped, even one school bus and when they heard I had a dog with me ( she is all black and I thought the windows down but her under cover of the truck best) they all gave me there half full bottles of water to give to her. I was surprised by how many stopped to offer help.

Ride 5 

Once home I got on the computer gathered some information and decided  my trucks distributor had frozen and I had possibly broke a timing gear. Big bucks came to mind...Big scary bucks that I don't have.

I sat through the big fight the following day between father and son as they "tried" to fix her waiting until they both quit, the son storming off the husband being his normal hateful self and then called 3A again to have her towed to our mechanic, who used to be one of my students at the school.

He has not called back BUT my youngest daughter called and I was telling her my tale of woe and she has said her and her brother, my Navy son will help me pay to get her out and when I posted on Facebook one of my oldest sons friends, the one who flew out from Georgia to attend the funeral, has offered to help me pay, saying I / we are family and he will gladly send what he can. I told him how thankful I was and I would let him know...

All this leading up to my going from thinking I have a black cloud hanging over my head to thinking how very lucky I have been in life to have the people I do around me. The school coming through with enough money to help bury my son when I always thought myself invisible. Children who have become adults that shared my children's lives still around me, still thinking me family.

I keep finding in life, when I feel at my lowest there is always somebody to show me how blessed I really have been...I keep discovering I am not the person I sometimes fear I may be.

I will find out today just how much damage a broken timing gear can do to a vehicle and I will relax a bit after I know she can be fixed. She CAN be fixed!!! I need to believe that. This summer I was going to have it changed and all my fluids changed too....damn.

All this darkness around me I always look for a message in, a reason I guess and this one has helped me see the light that are my friends and family and the need to go to my credit union and pay off and cut up all those cards I used to keep my son going towards happiness.

It is time to cut my losses woman up and get going towards retirement in the right way, in a way I can handle life's little wake up calls she loves to throw at us and still keep on keeping on....

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Comments

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it was a fragile day but you made it count and that is what is important here and remember those who have past on want you to be solid as that rock in the first image because your here and they need that reference ...Nice image here T looks like it was a fine day too!
Moving in the right direction step by step.
Just a few potholes along the road.
Keep those eyes focused forward.
You'll get there.
You're tuffer than you think, Terri. You handled good and bad well on a day that's often stressful for many because of its significance. Those are lovely photos.
Just that I made it through without a tear after my truck broke says how far I have come. I tried hard to find the good in this, the message I was being sent. I feel I am finally headed in the right direction and not just floating alone in the sea of dismal anymore. Trying very hard to stay positive :)
i will second algis and mission, terri. and send love and hugs too, cause they never hurt. i think when you are counting your blessings, you can always remember those of us on here who love you and keep you in our thoughts.
When you can survive a day like that fairly well intact, it seems you are well on your way. With love, grace and strength you didn't know you had. And friends old and new.
People will shock ya on how nice they can be(stopping and such!) and you got some neat pics for the post!! So always positives among the dark icky stuff!!

Hate the dark icky stuff!! ~:)
Sorry about all those challenges; but glad to read about how you coped and what you learned about yourself... hang in there.
People have your back, Lunchlady. You're not in this alone.
Had something similar happen to me. My car's timing belt broke. I'm having to get money out to pay for it, but a friend (for whom I've only done minor things like walking her dog) will loan me money until the check arrives. And friends took me everywhere I needed to go this weekend.

I imagine that you're a lot like me, doing things for other people and telling them "Don't worry, it's not important." They seem to forget the favors, and I hear the voice of my dead mother and my living relatives saying "You're an idiot for helping them. Help yourself and to Hell with them." And I beat myself up for it.

And then, when I end up in this kind of trouble, they come - from unexpected places - and help me. And I thank God (who is a generic God for me since I am a "collapsed Catholic") and thank them profusely.

You are more than you think, Lunchlady 2. So am I. We just have to remind ourselves of it.
Thanks for sharing this, Ll. xo ~r
It is amazing when we find out how many people care and are ready to help when needed. Count me in as one of them./r
Photos are wonderful! And I love "woman" up. /R
I read this as the universe's reminder to you that you people love you. Even though it was hot, I'm glad you had Zena Bear with you. Company while stranded is a good thing.
wow Another insightful and positive post. You are amazing!! I go round and round in circles sometimes like a dog chasing his tail and find that if I just stop things turn out ok. Thanks for this.
Yes, yes, yes! Each time in our life offers different pains and joys. You have a loving family and now can be a beginning of a meaningful time for you. Let the spring sunshine in, LL. You are loved.
Timing gear is a big repair. I'm glad there's some help and hope on the horizon. I've been in that spot on the side of the road in hot weather and it's not a good place to be. I'm sorry this happened to you, you seem to be hitting more than your share of the potholes. However, the photos are lovely. Maybe that nonfunctioning bird was a harbinger.
I can tell you are on your way back by simply looking at the pictures you took during your day from hell. You are seeing the beauty around you. You are seeing the kindness that is coming your way. And you are making plans. You handled this with grace and common sense. Yay!!!!!!! You're on your way, LL.

Lezlie
Your son would be so proud of you! And I hope you feel pride in yourself for choosing to the good in people, and choosing to focus on problem solving. Very good post.
r./
Hel-lo! You should've called ME! Granted, I couldn't have fixed your car, but Geo could have at least looked at it & hemmed & hawed before calling AAA, & I'd have been good company while we waited for the cavalry to show up! It does seem to happen every time you go to the cemetery! Knock it off, Joe! (I knew this stuff would happen once he started hanging around with Mom...)
Lovely writing. Some good often arrives when we least expect it and encourages us to keep on going.

Hope the truck will be fixed very soon.
nice LL, all the way around- grace
"All this darkness around me
I always look for a message in,"
(as you must)


"... a reason I guess and this one
has helped me see the light that are my friends " (mm hm)

This is a woman who can maybe tame Grace, understand it:

"It is time to cut my losses woman up and get going towards retirement in the right way,
in a way I can handle life's little wake up calls



she loves to throw at us and still keep on keeping on...."


grace. human, animal, and theological. 3 kinds of grace.
I'm glad you're seeing all of the good around you. It is all a reflection of you.
Your pictures have a fine quality. Tender. I am glad that you seem a bit lighter. Good heading. Walk with the wind at your back.
The kindness of strangers can be uplifting. It sounds like you saw that first hand, as well as how many people are in your corner.
You are all so wonderful to me!!!!! I can not thank you enough!
This was one of those posts where you see that there is some good in the world. I am glad people are helping you and sorry that this happened. There is goodness in the world and good people. Nice pictures too.
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind...but sounds like, for sure, you're making progress. Be as good to yourself as others are. Others' kindnesses are a testament to you. Keep the faith.
You have a gift for "keeping on" and for finding the light. I admire and applaud your resourcefulness. Hoping and praying that things will get easier for you SOON.
Little bit of strength from afar. Hope it goes a long way.
you are amazing...that is all.
A quick update and then a thank you...they are still digging but think the belt did not break some other part giving way first so my valves are good and so far the total comes to $850. which with my children and friends help I can do!!! Yay!!! Unless they find something else but I am staying positive she will be fine and back on the road by the end of the week which is great because if the husband drives me to work one more time I may flip :)
I do really, really thank you for your kindness and love and friendship here. Without you all I know for a fact I would never have found myself again and would never have survived this last year so thank you!!!
I cannot imagine losing one of my children. Be blessed and my thoughts are with you this day. Duke
You are a strong sensible and loving woman. I'm glad you have people around you who remind you of this. Things break. We cannot get emotionally involved in things. People break. We have to be stronger than our emotions.
WOW!! Keep trudging along.