DECEMBER 29, 2009 9:13PM

The First Time I Cooked for bendan bendan

Rate: 51 Flag

Pie for bendan bendan

I baked a shit pie laced with rat poison and topped it with curdled sperm frosting, so inspired was I by bendan bendan's habit of soiling real bloggers' posts with comment spam hocking Made in China crapwear. 

All tied up

I sat bendan bendan down at the table in the kitchen of the lovely home I was housesitting at the time and deftly hogtied the little cretin to a chair with glee, so inspired was I to emulate the intricate ropework I come across from time to time doing late-night research on the growing problem of Internet porn.

My .44 magnum

I pulled out my nickle-plated long nose Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum and jabbed it puposefully into bendan bendan's temple while proffering my kitchen masterpiece, and said (in my very best Clint Eastwood voice), "eat some shit pie and die, bendan bendan, because if you don't I will blow your tiny brains all over this kitchen. And if I have to clean your brains up from the floor and walls of this lovely kitchen I am going to be truly pissed off."

Of course, I'd have preferred that someone minding the OS store saved us all the trouble and simply deleted bendan bendan's account. But there was the latest kitchen challenge and I am such a competitive little asswipe sometimes.

Help me baby Jesus; help me Tom Cruise.

What do I win?

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My undying gratitude?
that was genius, you should stroll around in this pair of boots more often....
I love you Lonnie
Holy crap that was hilarious. Tom Cruise can't help you now.
My eternal thanks and admiration. Now please serve more pie to the other spammers.
That're really funny Lonnie. I met Benden Benden on a trip to Bora Bora. (Or did I meet Bora Bora on a trip to Benden Benden?) Never mind.
I meant "That's." But thinking of Benden Benden (or Bora Bora) was tripping my mind.
Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

If you need more ammo let me know...
LMAO -- in your best Eastwood you really said "I will blow your tiny brians all over this kitchen" ? Is bendan bendan like a pregnant spider or something and if you shoot him tiny brians will run out of his brain?

Sorry Lonnie -- but I was really laughing while I pictured this scenario. Maybe I've spent too much time staring at the computer screen today.

Do you feel lucky punk? Huh? Do ya?
You can't hear it but there is a standing ovation for your efforts her at the SOud home.
Lonnie, I got an in with Joan now. She loves me. I had a feeling but, well, there will be no bendan bendan after we meet for drinks!
the harder i tried not to laugh out loud, the harder i laughed ... thank god i wasn't reading this in a library
wow, dude, you are tough
My hero! Oh, my hero!
I love a man with a big gun...and rope.
there's porn on the internet? whoa. ramesh is gonna crap when he finds that out.
I found this strangely arousing.

(thumbified. Did you know that "Ghali" means "pumpkin-eater"?)
I think I may have been influenced by the java/mescaline cocktail The New Number Two gave me this afternoon.
You are first on my first time foodie list. R
You win everybody's love, dude.
I resemble that remark!

I was working on an idea for pummeling the insomniac party crasher, but this was perfect!

It won't last, but it felt good, doing this, I'm sure... Thank you!
That pie should be on the cover for foodie Tuesday. It would help us dieters...

I regret to inform you that Bendan Bendan has arisen from the dead. Or maybe you only killed Bendan and Bendan is still around...
I just spewed my Diet Coke across the room laughing, Lonnie. I may not be able to eat chocolate cream pie again.
Maybe it was all a mescaline dream. I should have said, "Help me baby Jesus; help me Judy Berman."
I can't fucking type..laughing.. 2.. hard!
benban bad! I had to delete the bastad too.
Judy, Jesus, ANYONE

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Did you let Bendan read the Economist while you prepared this for him?
Damn! I like the way you think!
Chariot does not know this, but I have been copying and pasting his comment all evening...It's everywhere....yeee. But, damn, boy...curdled gism? wtf?
I'll help you clean up the shit-for-brains
Tom Cruise
zuma, I got the idea for the spunky topping from a comment made by someone else on, i think it was cartouche's Untitled post today. Plus, I wanted to make bendan bendan's putative demise as nasty ass an experience for him as possible.

I love how we steal from and and inspire each other here!

Tom, you've always been a mensch.
A timely post and long overdue!
Oh, so well done! We should all invite Bendan Bendan over for dinner soon. You are my hero.
Are you saying you don't like bendan bendan?
For a moment there I thought you had cooked for Brendan Behan. But then I remembered that cooking for Brendan Behan was probably limited to opening another bottle.
Actually, nana, I was going to hook bendan bendan up with my new friend Blessing Maabar, but I feel certain he'd rather die.

Norwonk, I imagine Brendan Behan and I could probably make a meal of it together, once or twice anyway.
I will give you a standing ovation for this one Lonbud. I got to wipe the coffee off my monitor first from laughing so hard, and geez it's early.
Get 'em done. Shit pie. Guns. Rope. hehehehehe!!!!!!!!!
Funny way to start my day!
I'm not sure who this benda bendan person is, but that pie didn't look half bad until I read the description of what was in it. But the tied up in the chair photo? I like a man who knows how to tie me up properly.
... Bendana bendana? I wonder if the shit pie fell short of killing bendan bendan and merely removed his manhood instead? Ah, well. I would have preferred death, but I suppose emasculation will have to do for now. Well done, Lonnie!
Funny, Freethinker...
oh dear. who is bendan bendan? Now I have to catch up AGAIN. Oh Lonnie that is really a disgusting picture but a very winning post as soon as I find out who the enemy is.
oh he is that awful bot. I never pay attention to their "names." YOu go guy!
I see bendan bendan's sister bendana bendana has come round to exact her revenge for what I did to her brother. It's OK, I may have to treat her to my Midnight Rambler sausage surprise...
I think bendan bendan is mocking you, Lonnie.
i have an endless supply of ammo and rope and, as it turns out, shit pie. i'll take on the whole bendanian tribe.
...For those just tuning in, around 8:30 tonight, bendan bendan made an appearance here and Lonnie promptly killed him off.

I read somewhere zombies are in now. i'm pretty sure the bendanians are a tribe of zombies. this could get ugly.
Oh shit!
Zombie Comment-Bots!
We're doomed...
Man, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to eat chocolate cream pie again!
Gods, you ruined pie for me Lonnie. :) I don't get it either, obvious trolls are annoying. I just delete and giggle.

Damn, I want some cookies!
Ooo. I like the new you. (It is new, right?)
LadyM, stick with cake darlin'. Although cookies are cool too. And where you are concerned, my sexy thang there is only one kind of pie and I will never get put off of that.

Jeanette, I don't know you so well, but, read what I said to LadyM and see if that helps. ;-)

Seteve, read my bio: Everything changes.

Don't worry Spot, remember I'm a man with a big gun and.... rope.
A man with a big gun, a rope and who likes to eat pie? Are you related to Mr. Wonderful?
Well, hi there O'Really. Coming up for air are we? Are you sore sweetie? Can ol' lonbud kiss it and make it all better?
Lonnie, bendan bendan still roams free in OS! We need more rope, a bigger gun, and an even more disgusting pie.
Well, well Mr. Lazar. Suddenly, you strike me as an author I can't refuse......
Nana, you are just the man for the job, I am certain. Remember, we're dealing with a tribe of Zombies. And by the way, Ramesh lives! He commented today on a politics post; I'll try and find it for ya.
After just deleting one of his comments from one of my posts...I think I love you.

Not in that way, but you know..
Love is love and not fade away, Beth A.

Remain vigilant against the zombiebots because it doesn't appear TPTB is interested in keeping an unpsoiled garden of bloggy delights.
Cosmic Charlie, how do you do!

Happy New Year, Saturn...
Not sure about that new av...must've been all the LSD over at scanner's place the other day...

However, big guns, rope, pie...oh my!
Lego mosaic, Spot. Send me a pic and I'll hook u up.
Funny post! I liked it and gave thumbs up...

Wholesale Beads
Oooh, very clever May. We don't terminate live blog marketers -- yet -- just the zombies. Happy new year, socialbuddy09!
Thanks Lonnie and happy new year to you too....
They're getting on my nerves tonight, how do we reach the editors to boot and ban them?
for that you get a big slobbery drunk kiss Lonnie, you rock
beads sure are pretty these days...
I got a drunk kiss from Julie!!

Kelly, there appears to be no reaching the eds for the purpose of curtailing comment spammers, though they apparently can be reached for other, um, purposes.