By executive order, Governor Rick Perry has ordered all his fellow Texans to take advantage of the wildfires by burning all books that could be considered: unpatriotic, pornographic, anti-Christian, antipasto, pro-homosexuality, pro choice, communist, socialist, atheistic, agnostic, or any book published in a language different than American.
"I urge all Texans to view the wildfires as a message from God to purify your homes, bookstores, libraries, and schools from unamerican influences, such as books. Help thy illiterate neighbor by pointing out if they possess any satanic verses."
When asked if he feared that the ranch of former President George W. Bush would be engulfed by flames, Governor Perry replied, "The only good bush is a burning bush."
Governor Perry reminded that anyone caught burning a bible would be executed at the earliest possible opportunity.
"We here are law abiding citizens in Texas. If God commands us to use the wildfires to purify our Christian souls, then that's what we will do. If you can't stand the heat, then get out of Satan's kitchen."