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December 31
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Hobbies: Valet Parking, Disorderly Conduct, Amateur Acupuncture. Occupation: Boss of the Mexican Rug Cartel. Credit cards not accepted. Favorite Band: The Dry Humpers. Favorite Food: Hard Boiled Water. Favorite Book: Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. All original material written by Jeff Gross. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014, 2015.

Littlewillie's Links

SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 6:13PM

Rick Perry Orders Texans To Use Wildfires To Burn Books

Rate: 26 Flag

By executive order, Governor Rick Perry has ordered all his fellow Texans to take advantage of the wildfires by burning all books that could be considered: unpatriotic, pornographic, anti-Christian, antipasto, pro-homosexuality, pro choice, communist, socialist, atheistic, agnostic, or any book published in a language different than American.

"I urge all Texans to view the wildfires as a message from God to purify your homes, bookstores, libraries, and schools from unamerican influences, such as books.  Help thy illiterate neighbor by pointing out if they possess any satanic verses."

When asked if he feared that the ranch of former President George W. Bush would be engulfed by flames, Governor Perry replied, "The only good bush is a burning bush."

Governor Perry reminded that anyone caught burning a bible would be executed at the earliest possible opportunity.

"We here are law abiding citizens in Texas.   If God commands us to use the wildfires to purify our Christian souls, then that's what we will do.  If you can't stand the heat, then get out of Satan's kitchen." 

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This is my first post in over three months. Please forgive me if I am not at my best.
not burning the state financial records? what a missed opportunity.
Who Knew??
I am sure those missing tapes are somewhere....
Al Loomis - the state financial records would fall into the antipasto category and they shall be burnt.

Mission - First we burn all the books. Then we burn the books on tape.
Re: LittleWillie
Hahahaha, great!



This is a JOKE, right?

Looks like all of my comment did not post Little Willie.
I had typed: I am sure those missing tapes of the hired hooker are under some books somewhere....
jeanv999 - It's a joke today. It may not be a joke in the future.
Oh god help us all if that man gets near anything.. Going to stumble this now..
Nice to see you..
Mission - tapes of a hooker with Rick Perry? Now that's a sex tape that I might actually pay to see.

Linda S. - I'm afraid that Rick Perry may have been already been appointed as the next CEO of the USA, Inc.
Go tell the Gov'na to go soak his head in a panhandle drought. R
And meanwhile, he's taking federal funds to put it out because he fired half the firemen in the state. Even the Nazis were more careful with matches.
john blumenthal - If the wildfires were in California rather than Texas, I bet one of the Christian fundamentalists such as Pat Robertson would be saying that the wildfires were God's way of punishing the sodomites.

Jeff L. Howe - "Spahn and Sain, then pray for Rain." If you are a baseball fan then you know what I am referring to.

Wait, pornographic?

That's bad! Pornographic good!!

Nana-te-slutty-queen - I don't know what I'll read without my pornography. What flavor boots do you wear?
I strongly object to book burning, but I am in favor of grilling all books considered antipasto with just a bit of olive oil. :)
Diary Of A Hopeful Starving Student - How do you feel about the burning of cook books?
No forgiveness necessary Littlewill--Governor Good Hair will win a lot of support with the "any book published in a language different than American" statement. Good joke but the real joke will be when this religious nutcase is in charge of the country.
I am willing to move to Texas or thereabouts
just as much as i am willing to have my testicles torn from their safe home
down 'there'
in order to be a good citizen of the mother-state.

Daddy is coming home.
But it's like that civil war flick where he LOOKs and TALKS
like daddy, but something is just..off...

he ain't my daddy, sez a gal of 12 years old,
hiding her Jane Eyre and Viriginia Wolf
and her Plath.
Dr. Spudman44 - I was listening to the Newt Gingrich just the other day and he said that English should be America's official language. Rick Perry knows better. Real Americans speak American, not English.

James M. Emmerling - Perry is after hearts and minds, not testicles. In Texas I think they fry bull testicles for fun and food.
Again, I strongly object. All cookbooks should be steamed or boiled and then lightly seasoned. :)
I fell into a burning ring of fire
---Johnny Cash
I just saw him in the debate. He's one scary redneck.
I knew a girl who had a "burning bush", but then she went to the Clinic.
Ha! What is he going to do about all the Kindles?
Why am I reminded of Arthur Brown's ...
What's a book?

Very funny stuff.
Diary of a Hopeful Starving Student - Do you prefer poached paperback or brick oven backed hardcover?

alsoknownas - once you fall in, there's no falling out. Extra credit for mentioning the late, great Johnny Cash.

Con Chapman - I am grateful for your approval.

Derrick Fartman - I couln't watch the debate. I was at a Tea Party Rave. Actually, it's still going on...might last until election gay.

Trudge164 - "Burning Bush" is one of Lindsay Lohan's nicknames.

Karin Greenberg - I doubt Rick Perry knows what a Kindle is.

Scarlett Sumac - Arthur Brown! An interesting one-hit wonder. For some reason, I often mix Arthur Brown up with Norman Greenbaum (The greatest name ever for a rock and roller).
The piece is funny; the sad part is that satire like this is becomming easier to potentially believe as reality.
Well littlewillie, Spirit In the Sky does kind of fit here ...
Buffy W - I like to write Satire that is funny yet close enough to the truth that readers aren't completely sure if what they've read is satire.

VariousArtists - That was my intention. Write a political satire in which the plot is unreal yet still possible.
Holy crap. I just *knew* it would come to this.

Thanks for the alert, Willie.
Lil Willie, this is surely amongst your best, because it is TRUE!
I am no longer surprised much by the hysteria evidenced on the so-called "liberal" side by a Christian running for office. They are usually drawn as ignorant bookburners who want to hang homosexuals or some such thing. Because of my work, I have spent a good amount of time with such people and have never met anyone who resembles these monsters at all. Guess a practicing Catholic like JFK or a born-again Christian wouldn't stand a chance with many of you. And what to think about Rev. King or Al Gore (he attended a Divinity school)? Ya all might consider meeting a few of these Christians. Some may have politics you like, some not, but I doubt you'll meet the fiends you fear so.
Bush and his wife have written enough books for a small forest fire themselves!
VariousArtists - Guys like Rick Perry need to be exposed by bloggers and other alternative media as a dangerous fundamentalist extremist because the mainstream media won't do it.

Scarlett Sumac - Norman Greenbaum for president!

Candace Mann - God made me do it. I had NO choice.

mypsyche - Thanks!

Barbara Joanne - I have no problem voting for Christian politicians. I do have a problem voting for extremists who believe that the bible trumps the constitution. Religious extremists control the government of Iran. Did you read that Iran just executed three men for being homosexuals?

scanner - George W. wrote some good pop-up books.

scanner -
Yes, Will, I do know about the horrors in Iran. I do not, however, even for a moment, believe Christians in America are comparable to the radicals who run Iran. And, I say again, I expect that most of the people who respond positively to this smear of Christians (obviously I'm speaking in general, there are nuts in any segment of society) have spent little time with any Christians. I have. I have worked within that community in the past and I've met no one, and I mean NO ONE who wants to burn books, kill homosexuals, is a racist, or is anti the constitution. In fact among mainstream Christians who are active in politics, or even politically aware in America, I think you'd find, should a poll be taken, more, let us say, "reverence" for the Constitution than you might find among those on the Left. Bet if you could break down for religious affiliation those who see the Constitution as more of a set document that means what it says (and of course the interpretation can be tricky) than a "living" one, most of the former would be Christians. I'll bet most charity organizations that work in third world nations are Christian (and Jewish) and I'll bet you'd find that practicing Christians and Jews, in America, give more to charity.

I'll also bet you'd find more Christians and Jews among those who are CONCERNED about Iran's way of life than among the non-religious too. I mean concerned in that they see radical Islam as a real threat to the free world. (There are some devout Muslims like Dr. Jasser of Arizona, a real hero, who also feel this way.) The religious extremists of Iran are not comparable to Christians in America.

JFK, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Rev. King, all professed religious belief and professed to be active in churches. We KNOW Carter and King were active.

Many people, and I know from his speeches he was one, believe Dr. King was driven in his work for freedom for blacks by a religious indignation.

Ever read Eisenhower's letter to the troops given them on June 5, 1944, the night of the paratrooper drop and the night before the D-Day landings? It was full of religious language. You'd all be, I'd wager, hysterical if such a letter was written by a military leader today.

All the best to you, but you really need to get out more and meet a few mainstream religious Christians in America. They are not the ignorant haters you paint them to be or that you, it appears, fear.

In fact, they are in the lead very often in condemning the barbarism of countries like Iran.

And, I don't, for a moment, think that in terms of governance Christians believe the Bible trumps the US Constitution.

Why don't you work on your own lack of knowledge of mainstream, American Christians and perhaps, on this issue, gain a bit of intellectual honesty.

And don't forget, Carter, whom the Left usually has some respect for, is a devout Christian.
Will, when has Perry said anything (and I'm not a supporter by the way) that indicates he is of the Iran ilk? That he'd hang homosexuals or burn books?

Admit it, your problem is with people on the Right and you use their religion to smear them. If they are Christians on the Right, they are ignorant, homosexual-hanging trash, on the Left, like Clinton (and I'm not speaking against him either) and their religion, often the VERY SAME RELIGION as the person on the Right, is used to trash them. It is a Leftist bigotry really.
By the way, when I wrote about the horror of stoning in Iran, a few people here, just a few, but on the Left, were more concerned with my "picture" (it was photo shopped they said) then what I wrote about and a couple pointed out that the woman condemned to death by stoning had admitted (as if she'd been given a western-style interrogation with a lawyer present) to killing her husband. They didn't even bother to learn that her confession had been coerced and, frankly, I think were more upset about Iran being "pointed at" than the woman's fate.
Cash, by the way, was a Christian. The Carter family (as in June Carter) too was very religious and, I'd just bet they had their conservative boots on at times too.
Here's where we disagree - I do not think Rick Perry is a mainstream Christian. I think he's a Christian radical extremist. I don't have a problem with Christians, Jews, or Muslims. I just don't like religious extremists. I write satire and if you can't handle it, then don't read it.
Willie, I can handle satire fine.

You might try tying Perry to Iran's hanging of homosexuals if you are going to imply (you asked me if I'm aware of that country's hanging of some poor people recently) that he is somehow of that ilk.

Satire is fine. However it does have an element of "perceived truth" in it as you, of course, admit in your responses. You hate conservative Christians, you call them extremists, but when you imply they would hang homosexuals or are along the lines of those who stone people in Iran, or hang them for their orientation, or mutilate women, and general barbarity, you are exposing something akin to ignorance of conservative Christians and leaning toward a bigotry.

Again, you might want to actually spend time with some conservative Christians. I expect you'd be surprised.

I hope that people disagreeing with you doesn't put you off, but, I suspect most of us are used to it in our comment's area.

Without being rude, and I don't mean it that way, I think you seem to be the one unable to handle my criticism. And, by the way, you don't really respond to my comments on Christians in charity, working in the third world, Jimmy Carter (a Baptist!) and such. Many of them are in more conservative denominations. And, I'd bet, if they were running as Republicans, you'd be trying to, albeit with satire, paint them as nuts as well.

Like I said, I think some of those on the Left who freak out about Christians, "the extremists", would be surprised at what they'd find if they actually spent time with a few, probably including people like Perry or Bachman or Palin. And, again, I don't support any of them.
Christians for littlewillie! Barbara Joanne should take a chill pill already! I know you're not writing about Christians of my sort; you're writing about the ultra-right-wing hate-mongers who pervert the teachings of Jesus.
Oh. And welcome back. I promise not to burn this post.
Eva - he says all of this stuff, as satire I grant you, about this man, Perry, with zero evidence that he is in any way on the level of a book burner. I'd suggest that it is the radical, extremist on the Left who need a chill pill about the Christian Right.

For the most part, they are ordinary folk, most of whom could be called JFK liberals, strong on defense, for lower taxes, PRO civil rights, who just have gone off to the Left as many of you have. They are not murderers, book burners, ignorant country bumpkins. And, I repeat, most of you who are terrified of them, have probably spent nearly no time with them.

Now you go take YOUR pill. But, if it's fun, pass one to me over the internet. Take care.
For the most part, they are ordinary folk, most of whom could be called JFK liberals, strong on defense, for lower taxes, PRO civil rights, who just have gone off to the Left as many of you have....

should have been.... " most of whom could be called JFK liberals, strong on defense, for lower taxes, PRO civil rights, who just have NOT gone off to the Left ...." etc.
Eva T. Made Vaudeville - Thanks for the support. Anyone who wants to burn my post should probably print a copy first rather than setting fire to their lap top.

Barbara Joanne - Please leave more comments. It keeps my post in the feed.
Happy to help you out Willie. You are welcome to drop by my post as well. (I suspect you were being snarky, but I AM happy to read and comment on posts with which I don't agree.) Take care.
Funny! I am a bit wary of Perry, especially when he seemed pleased for all the applause he got because of the people executed in his state. (Granted I am not totally against the death penalty, but I don't feel as if it should be treated as a calling card.) Keep writing, Willie!
Oh, my, Little Wilie...I see your post got 'bombed' by Barbara Joanne, too! lol..I'll pass on something a few people privately messaged me....but publicly,...apparently she does this to every post that sounds remotely liberal...She'll bomb you with religious this, Christian that....then, like she said on my posting, "I NEVER said I was a Christian....Good God!". Political satire that goes against her right wing (although she said she NEVER said she was a Republican, too) ideology really brings out her 'sweet' side. I found her refreshingly nutty with a dash of pepper. Might go well with those anti-pasto books.
You can have my books, Mr. Perry, when you pry them from my cold dead hands.
This is CLASSIC! I would rate it a million times if I could.