The recession has taken a terrible toll on almost everything, including our nation's pet population. Thousands of pet owners have been forced to give up their beloved pets because they can no longer afford to care for them.
As a public service, I have come up with a free alternative to pet ownership for those who miss the companionship of a pet. All you need to do is open your eyes, along with a few windows and doors. Why go to a pet store and spend money on gerbils or hamsters when there are so many stray mice in dire need of a home. Soon your new pe(s)ts will race inside to greet you - moths, ants, spiders, flies, will joyfully fill your house or apartment. Never again have to worry about having enough money for pet food or the cash for a vet visit.
The spiders will eat the moths and flies, and the ants will eat whatever is left (including you if you are not careful). For those who are pro choice, make sure you have enough insect condoms to inhibit overpopulation.
Most people have no idea how affectionate insects can be. They love to crawl all over your body. They forgive and keep coming back even if you yell curses at them or accidentally step on their mother. This is the kind of unconditional love that people who are not allergic to bug bites yearn for.
You don't need to despair anymore about having to live without a pet. Take a chance, open your heart, and adopt a pe(s)t. You'll be glad that you did.