Lance Armstrong and other promoters of the first annual "Tour De Bronx" had high hopes about bringing big-time, European style, bicycle racing to the U.S.A.
Some of cycling's biggest names, including Zgtruhippoluvhandles Kowalskinflintrugelach of Poland, travelled thousands of miles to test their skills on the pothole filled streets of the Bronx.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg assured sponsors such as the makers of "Bengay" and "Preperation H" (don't ever mix those two up like I did once. If not for the fire extinguisher, my ass would still be on fire), that ample security and supplemental life insurance would be provided to all participants.
What Mayor Bloomberg and New York City's finest did not know was that all of the signs directing the course of the race had been changed to lead to a deserted warehouse in the Hunts Point section of the Bronx. As each cyclist neared the warehouse, they were greeted by a welcoming committee of dedicated race volunteers, wielding fresh water and baseball bats.
The welcoming committee then profusely thanked all the racers for donating their bikes to a worthy cause. Instead of being given a receipt for their tax deductable donations, each cyclist was presented with a fake Rolex watch and a subway token.
Lance Armstrong of the USA is one of several racers that have not yet been seen or heard from for over two days since the start of the "Tour De Bronx." If you have any information as to the whereabouts of Lance or Zigtruhippoluvhandles, please call 1 800 LOST IN NY.