When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Corporation!

"Mama Get The Hamma There's A Fly On The Baby's Head"


December 31
El Jefe
Mexican Rug Cartel
Hobbies: Valet Parking, Disorderly Conduct, Amateur Acupuncture. Occupation: Boss of the Mexican Rug Cartel. Credit cards not accepted. Favorite Band: The Dry Humpers. Favorite Food: Hard Boiled Water. Favorite Book: Catch 22 by Joseph Heller. All original material written by Jeff Gross. Copyright 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014, 2015.

Littlewillie's Links

JULY 1, 2010 8:10PM

Marvin Wasn't Gay(e) & Barry Wasn't Whit(e)

Rate: 21 Flag

The English language can be tricky and confusing, especially if you are from West Virginia or Outer Mongolia.  Add a letter, or take a letter away, and suddenly you have an entirely different meaning.

For example, a sign at McDonald's suggested that I "Try the New Anus Pounder."  The "Anus Pounder" wasn't available at the drive thru so I decided to just get some fries.

My experience with my last therapist ended on a sour note.  He said that I was a paranoid schizophrenic, and I told him that he was an incorrigble asshole.  As a parting gift, I adjusted the sign outside his office to read:

The rapist instead of Therapist.  I heard that his business took a turn for the worse.  I haven't found a new therapist yet, but I'm feeling much better.

The University of South Carolina sports team name is the "Gamecocks."  Having a name like that puts a lot of pressure on a guy which is one reason why they haven't won a national championship in football.  Is it possible that the players are expending too much energy in the locker room before the game, stretching out their cocks? My theory about the Gamecocks was recently disproved as the University of South Carolina won the baseball national championship.  Congratulations to all you "cock fans" out there, and no, I won't shake your hand.

One last example before I go walk the dog with my friend, Rufus Thomas.  Where I grew up the best soft ice cream came from "Carvel" - not "Dairy Queen."  Sorry to offend any of you Dairy Queens or Milk Maids, but Carvel's soft ice cream creams Dairy Queen, no doubt about it.

The owner of Carvel was this crazy old dude named Tom Carvel and he did all his own commercials even though he sounded like he had his larynx removed.   One of his advertising slogans was "Wednesday is Sundae at Carvel."  Buy one ice cream sundae on Wednesday and get the second one free.  A classmate of mine who wasn't too bright tried to convince his mom that he didn't have to go to school on Wednesdays, because the almighty Tom Carvel had changed Wednesday to Sunday.

"Is Little Willie ever going to talk about how he knew that Marvin wasn't Gay(e)?"

No, but I'm pretty sure I've got the Barry wasn't Whit(e) thing right.

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
Can brother willie at least get an amen?
Amen. Carvel IS the best and that guy Tom Carvel was all right. And I'm even going to rate this.
Amen and hallelujah! Littlewillie you're a hoot!
Joan H. - God bless you and Tom Carvel for the rating

Leepin Larry - Where you been, man?
Fay Paxton - I'm just trying to stir up a little religious fervor about the things I feel passionate about like Carvel Ice Cream.

Joan H. - Leepin Larry is a funny guy. His comments always crack me up. I wish he would post more of his own stuff.
Amen Will! I heard Marvin's daddy didn't like him very much, but not because he was gay(e)...that I know of. I agree with ya on the Barry thing, you got that one write, uh, RIGHT.
Gabby Abby - it was a damn shame that Marvin was shot and killed by his father. Of all the Motown artists, Marvin Gaye may have been the most creative and talented.
Hey now...Just because I might go to DQ once in a while...

That's no reason to be calling me a plagiarizer.
Leepin Larry - not sure if you are kidding around. I don't think that you are a plagiarizer. What I meant was that I wish you would post more often - not that you are plagiarizing other people's writing.
Of course I'm just kidding around...

Thank you though, for the kind words.
@Larry, I'm collecting urine and hair as we speak.
Willie, did you hear about Lindsay Lohan's mom and the Fudgey the Whale fiasco?
Cute. I once taught a writing course at Carvel College in Tuckahoe, a former motel. For ice cream execs.
You take multi-tasking to a new limit.
My sister and brother were just discussing the "cocks"...sis lives in South Carolina. Seems they want to see the "Trojans" play the "cocks! I also hear there are t-shirts! I don't know that I would want my child wearing one... :)
My apologies. I had no idea how terribly wrong that urine/hair comment sounded until I saw it. :(
Lea Lane - Carvel College?!! That would have been my first choice if I had known about it.

Chuck A. Stetson - Tom Carvel didn't care what anybody else thought. He did all the voiceovers on Carvel commercials, even though some people couldn't even understand what he was saying.

Joan H. - I am not familiar with the Fudgey the Whale/Lindsay Lohan's mom fiasco. What happened?
Lunchlady 2 - Trojans versus Cocks t-shirt. I would buy one.

Joan H. - That's okay. I hope that you wore gloves.
Thanks for the link, Joan. Those Lohans seem like such a classy family.
Amen. I'm afraid to comment further on the grounds that I may, um, embarass myself linguistically.
This was very haha. R
Owl_Says_Who - You did fine. "Amen" qualifies as a complete sentence.
SheilaTGTG55 - glad you liked it. Thanks for the R.
Amen from me also. "I haven't found a new therapist yet, but I'm feeling much better." Now that was funny! This was a hoot, Will.
littlewillie is back!!!!! Too funny for words, man ... 'cept playing on them. Big {{{R}}} for you, bro. AMEN!

@Lunchlady2 ... Both Univ of South Carolina and Univ of So. Cal are referred to as USC, and I too think it would be "must see" TV if the USC Trojans played the USC Gamecocks ... two Trojans tackling the same Cock; Spurrier getting pissed and slapping one of his cocks side the head. The possibilities are endless. Gotta be prime time!
Dr. Spudman 44 - My old therapist is suing me for malpractice.

Rod Emmons - The only thing preventing the matchup between the Gamecocks and the Trojans is the Catholic Church.
On behalf of all the rapists and anus-pounders at OS, I salute you. (Oh, and Dairy Queen rules!)
Being a recent SC relo I have my required "Go Cocks!" t-shirt. And I never get a batted eye here in the Low Country.

By the way, a friend says the Cocks did play the Trojans once upon a time. The signage at the game was...graphic.

I'm wondering if the SC Cocks ever met up with the Oregon Beavers?
Steve Blevins - I should have known that the OS Anus pounders and rapists belonged to the same union.

irishwolfhound - the Cocks could also do a threesome with William & Mary.
Oh, willie, your talent isn't little.
DeliaBlack - Oh Delia, your talent isn't black.
This is great. In oklahoma Braums is the king for ice cream. We have more Braums stores than Macdonald's--I really feel bad for the rest of the country--move to Oklahoma!
Christine Bollerud - I'm jealous. You have Braums and Steve Blevins in Oklahoma.

Graham Sale - Thanks for stopping by.
Shouldn't that be a man :-)

This was great to read, as always willie
"Language is a virus" -- Luarie Anderson.

BTW, I heard the reason U. of South Carolina didn't accept was because of your name. I guess size does matter in the South. : )