Do you think that the world needs a better mousetrap? Do you think that the world needs a better male contraceptive than the condom? Does anybody besides Lorena Bobbit think that a mousetrap should be used instead of a condom?
Before you attempt to answer or ignore any of these survey questions, you should know that according to BBC News, researchers at the University of North Carolina have successfully tested a brand new male contraceptive.
"How does it work?" some of you may be asking if you aren't still busy working on the first three questions.
Well, all that's required is a delicate blast of ultrasound to the testes until all the male's sperm reserves are depleted, thereby rendering the male "temporarily" infertile for up to six months. Sounds fabulous to me, where can I sign up.
This exciting new research is being partially funded by a $100,000 grant from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. I wonder if Bill or Melinda signed off on this grant.
"Bill, dear. I've approved a tiny grant to the University of North Carolina. It's for a wonderful cause, honey. Take my word for it. "
If Bill Gates thinks that this new male contraceptive is such a great idea then he should have his nut sack tossed in a microwave and I'll press the "popcorn" button. Someone else will have to touch Bill's balls, my job is just pushing the "Delete Sperm" button.
Lead researcher, Dr. James Tsurta, believes that ultrasound can be used to provide an inexpensive, reversible?!?, male contraceptive suitable for use in developing to first world countries.
Hey Doctor Genius. Two comments: 1) What if this procedure turns out not to be reversible? Oops. Sorry. Here's a gift card to your friendly neighborhood Sperm Bank. 2) Many first world countries have a declining birth rate. Do you really think that men in the United States and Europe will agree to be "temporarily" sterilized?
Volunteers in the North Carolina area are needed to continue this important research. I know of two males on Open Salon who live in North Carolina, "Scanner" and "Token Tarheel." Everyone on Open Salon needs to contact Scanner and Token Tarheel to ensure that they do not miss out on this truly exceptional opportunity.