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Littlewillie's Links

MAY 11, 2010 3:29PM

Volunteers Needed To Test New Male Contraceptive

Rate: 19 Flag

Do you think that the world needs a better mousetrap?  Do you think that the world needs a better male contraceptive than the condom?  Does anybody besides Lorena Bobbit think that a mousetrap should be used instead of a condom?

Before you attempt to answer or ignore any of these survey questions, you should know that according to BBC News, researchers at the University of North Carolina have successfully tested a brand new male contraceptive.

"How does it work?" some of you may be asking if you aren't still busy working on the first three questions.

Well, all that's required is a delicate blast of ultrasound to the testes until all the male's sperm reserves are depleted, thereby rendering the male "temporarily" infertile for up to six months.  Sounds fabulous to me, where can I sign up.

This exciting new research is being partially funded by a $100,000 grant from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.  I wonder if Bill or Melinda  signed off on this grant.

"Bill, dear.  I've approved a tiny grant to the University of North Carolina.  It's for a wonderful cause, honey.  Take my word for it. "

If Bill Gates thinks that this new male contraceptive is such a great idea then he should have his nut sack tossed in a microwave and I'll press the "popcorn" button.  Someone else will have to touch Bill's balls, my job is just pushing the "Delete Sperm" button.

Lead researcher, Dr. James Tsurta, believes that ultrasound can be used to provide an inexpensive, reversible?!?, male contraceptive suitable for use in developing to first world countries.

Hey Doctor Genius.  Two comments:  1) What if this procedure turns out not to be reversible? Oops.  Sorry.  Here's a gift card to your friendly neighborhood Sperm Bank.  2)  Many first world countries have a declining birth rate.  Do you really think that men in the United States and Europe will agree to be "temporarily" sterilized? 

Volunteers in the North Carolina area are needed to continue this important research.  I know of two males on Open Salon who live in North Carolina, "Scanner" and "Token Tarheel."  Everyone on Open Salon needs to contact Scanner and Token Tarheel to ensure that they do not miss out on this truly exceptional opportunity.


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I want my guys to swim, but each to their own. But careful about being a guniea pig on that one. i want version 19.0 on that one.
Hmmm...this actually might get some takers. I've met guys who are absolutely emphatic about not ever wanting to be fathers. Those sorts wouldn't mind risking the possibility that their infertility would be temporary.
holy shit batman!

i'm not liking this idea at all.
and I don't even HAVE sperm. but I have played with them. they're very nice and quite friendly.
Don Rich - I think Bill Gates should be the guinea pig. Put his money where his balls used to be.

John Blumenthal - I like my nuts "roasted" so I might volunteer.

Eva T. Made Vaudeville - I know a guy who never wanted to be a father - my dad.

Scanner - Everyone at Open Salon is waiting to read your post about volunteering your nuts at UNC.
Not liking this idea. Trying our nonsense on first world countries now, eh? I see hands rubbing together. Bleeeh. No. Not liking this idea. xox
I don't want my testicles associated, even remotely, with a blast, however gentle. Western Civ lies in the balance.
Robin Sneed - From a serious perspective (a place I don't normally go), I don't like this idea either.

Johnathan Wolfman - I'm with you. I try to keep my testicles in a "No-Blast Zone."
Whatever happened to the research for the "morning after pill" for men?

I remember a biology professor telling my college class that some company had spent years and millions developing a 'pill' for men. He said that if a man took it long enough, the hormone change that limited his sperm would also change the growth of his facial hair, make his voice higher, and something else.....
He said he couldn't imagine who would want this. But I think I know. Shall I get some for you,dearest littlewillie?
I could have saved the Gates Foundation 100k with my safer, more efficient plan. Just show any potent, thinking man a photo of Ann Coulter.
I would be very cautious if Bill Gates is involved with this.
The procedure would definitely be susceptible to viruses.

Dear Men,

We have been taking crazy-assed hormones for the past 50 years so that you don't need to worry about that one of your 10,000 future potential kids would become one human. It hasn't been perfect, but it certainly has helped.

It's your turn. Please for the love of God, try this.

Yours forever,

All the women on the planet
Yes. Yes. Sometimes.

Well, women have been guinea pigs in the contraception department for years. I don't see the problem with asking men to shoulder some of the burden (and the risk) -- providing of course they aren't using third world men as uninformed or manipulated test subjects. If a temporary solution like this had been available to us, Mr. Vance and I might have chosen it rather than a vascectomy.
I like your mouse trap idea... but maybe with one of those big honk'in bear traps!
Ultrasound---sonar???? The thing they do to mommies to be and print out a picture. . . . Stand a little closer, dear husband and we'll be able to afford this baby's college education. Just over here. Just wave that sucker over his crotch for a minute. Cheap, easy. Painless. And you guys don't go for this????
I don't give a shit! I like Lorena Bobbit. We're very good friends. R
Foolish Monkey - Batman wears a kevlar jockstrap.

Zul - the "morning after" pill for men was changed to the "maybe later I've got a headache" pill for women.

DeliaBlack - I think Michael Jackson took a few too many of those "pills" your professor was talking about. As for myself, I can already hit the high notes without the extra estrogen.

mr Fawkes - Just thinking of Ann Coulter shrivels my little willie.

Leepin Larry - That's why I switched to a Mac.

sueinaz - Any type of contraception that harms the person using it is wrong in my opinion, regardless of whether it is a female or male contraceptive.

rjheart - please refer to my reply to sueinaz's comment.

Bellweather Vance - I doubt that this form of male contraception will be approved by the FDA.

Safe_Bet's Amy - I suppose a well endowed stud would need a "bear trap" condom, rather than a mousetrap.

nolalibrarian - It's a good thing you're a librarian and not a nurse.
What's wrong with a scumbag? Some of my best friends . . .
Fay Paxton - Have you written a post about your friendship with Lorena Bobbit? I would definitely read it.

Leon Freilich - Me too.
Lorena Bobbitt was very amusing and hard to dislike. Whatever happened to her ? Whatever happened to the dickless wonder ? But seriously, I still think that every person, male and female needs their own birth control.
Rosycheeks - I'm not sure what the Bobbits are up to these days. Maybe they are teabaggging.
Sounds like a high tech jack hammer to the sack. I will pass.
M Todd - "A high tech jack hammer to the sack." I winced in pain as I read that.
Heh,heh, so much informative stuff here....heh, heh. R.
SheilaTGTG55 - I try to provide a public/pubic service with my blog.
I just put some cheese in the trap:) very funny
Caroline Hagood - I'm concerned that this mousetrap condom idea could "catch" on.
Oh, c'mon, be brave, volunteer as a test subject -- what harm can it do to a guy called Little Willie?
Is this a recruitment post for OS "members"? R
Trudge164 - "Members" only.
Step away from the microwave, li'l willie. Nice. And. Easy.

(By the way, Scanner and Token are already sterile.)
Steve Blevins - As a doctor you may have breached your patient's confidentiality by revealing that Scanner and Token Tarheel are sterile. Don't worry. I won't turn you in.