As you'll know if you've read a previous post of mine, (http://open.salon.com/blog/littleboxofspoons/2010/02/12/handsome_is_as_handsome_doesnt) I have a phobia. It isn't a terribly debilitating phobia, so I don't actually remember that I have it, most of the time.  Anyway, just for kicks the other day, I looked up phobias on the internet to see if there was a name for mine, and either it is so rare no one has named it yet, or so common they don't think it's worth naming. I don't know. 

In the process, though, I discovered that there are way more names for phobias than I had imagined there would be, and there are some very amusing phobias out there, which only makes me annoyed that there isn't a name for mine.  So I copied some of them down for laughs. Just to be clear, I'm not making fun of people who have any of these phobias.

Well, ok, I am, but the people I'm making fun of are all imaginary, so if you are real and you have one of these phobias, I'm not making fun of you.  Do not be offended. Plus, you know what my phobia is, so you can laugh at me if it makes you feel better.  Deal? Ok.

In alphabetical order:

Allodoxaphobia- fear of opinions

Better avoid talk shows. And TVnews, especially Fox.

 Ambulophobia- fear of walking.

 Do these people ambulate some other manner? Perhaps they skip wherever they need to go?

Anglophobia- fear of England or English culture.

I can understand a fear of British food, but not the rest of it. Shakespeare? British accents? Tea? Rugby? Nah. Unless you're a nationality that was previously dominated by Britain...

Arithmophobia- fear of numbers

I can sort of relate to that, looking back to my last couple of math classes, but does true arithmophobia extend to numbers in other situations? What about phone numbers? 

Aulophobia- fear of flutes

This was the only phobia related to a specific musical instrument that I came across, and I'm a bit baffled. I can think of scarier instruments than the flute. 

Aurophobia- fear of gold

This would be the result of having been kidnapped by Goldfinger. Assuming he let you live, that is. Mwahahaha! "Gold-FIN-GAH! wah WAH waaaah..."

Ahem.

Bolshephobia- fear of Bolsheviks

This one's neat. I'm just curious to know if anyone still actually has this phobia.

Cacophobia- fear of ugliness

Yours? Other people's? Or does this extend to more abstract forms of ugliness. Would a cacophobe be afraid of hairless cats? Good luck trolls? A pile of dirty dishes?

Caligynephobia- fear of beautiful women

There are at least two other terms for this, so WHY is there no term for a fear of handsome men? 

Cherophobia- fear of gaiety

 Um. Ok.

Deipnophobia- fear of dining or dinner conversations.

Dextrophobia- fear of objects at the right side of the body.

Do these folks just walk sideways, left side first? 

Epistemophobia- fear of knowledge

I think this one has reached epidemic proportions. That would explain a lot.

 Geniophobia- fear of chins

Well, sometimes there are just too many of them. On one person. 

Genuphobia- fear of knees

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliaphobia- fear of long words

Never diagnose this person's phobia.

Hylephobia- fear of  materialism or the fear of epilepsy

Well, pick one!

Polyphobia- fear of many things

I'm not sure if this means a fear of masses of things all together, like a swarm of insects, or just that this person has a significant number of phobias.

Porphyrophobia- fear of the color purple

I kind of like that word. It's pretty.

Pteronophobia- fear of being tickled by feathers

But not by other things?

 Tremophobia- fear of trembling

This could become a vicious cycle.

 ~

There were many more, but at this point I realized how much time I'd spent looking up phobias and it occurred to me that maybe I should go do something constructive instead. Like continue trying to battle my own phobia, which thus far has been an unsuccessful pursuit, but hey, life is long.