In the wake of all the female-centric reproductive bills pushed forth since the 2010 Apocalypse-excuse me, elections-several Democratic legislators are working to ensure that men’s healthcare needs will not be ignored. In Wilmington, Delaware, Councilwoman Loretta Walsh sponsored a resolution that declares ‘each egg person’ and ‘each sperm person’ equal in the eyes of government. Ohio legislator Nina Turner, a Democrat, has been upset at all of the bills her colleagues have been passing to regulate women’s reproductive health. She has proposed a bill that limits men’s ability to get Viagra without meeting certain conditions set forth by the government. “We should show the same attention and love to men’s reproductive health as we do to women’s",Turner told the Huffington Post. “And my bill does that.” Her bill would require men receive psychological counseling to verify that they have a medical reason for taking erectile dysfunction medications, such as Viagra, before they can legally obtain a prescription for it. It also requires doctors to inform men of the potential risks of taking ED drugs-in writing. In Oklahoma, state legislator Constance Johnson, a Democrat, has introduced an amendment to the state's "personhood" bill that states that "any action in which a man may ejaculate or otherwise deposit semen anywhere but in a woman's vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child." Here is her reasoning, “The Personhood bill would potentially allow governmental intrusion into families' personal lives by policing what happens to a woman's eggs without any similar thought to what happens to a man's sperm. My amendment seeks to draw attention to the absurdity, duplicity and lack of balance inherent in the policies of this state in regard to women.”

Illinois state Rep. Kelly Cassidy, Democrat, introduced an amendment to her state’s mandatory ultrasound bill that requires men to watch a very graphic video on the potential side effects of Viagra before receiving a prescription(yes-that old-if an erection lasts more than 4 hours seek emergency medical treatment because your penis will become gangrenous and probably fall off-painfully). Another bill by Virginia state Senator Janet Howell, Democrat, would require men to have a rectal exam, with possible anal probe, before obtaining any ED drugs. I guess there are some really pissed off women-me included!

This just shows the level of absurdity many state laws are reaching to attack women’s reproductive health choices. Personhood bills seek to outlaw birth control pills for not allowing a fertilized egg to implant in the uterus-a fertilized egg is not a human being-and I hate to tell you but many fertilized eggs do not implant naturally. We are going to have a whole new criminal underclass of menstruating women, whose monthly ‘dividends’ will be checked by the ‘Santorum Police’ or the ‘Period Posse’. States trying to criminalize miscarriages-how will you prove that they did not occur naturally? God only knows they won’t trust women, because they don’t trust us now. Where does this insanity end?

So there you have it men!  The Women legislators are looking out for your best interests, because by nature, owning a penis makes you incapable of making these decisions-if you follow the male logic. It is like owning a uterus and ovaries makes women incapable of forming a cohesive thought, making a medical decision on their own, or managing their own fertility.