That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you
Often I know exactly what I want to say, and simply can't get the words to come out right. Thank goodness for those like Alanis Morissette, who can.
Thank you to nanatehay for hearing what I couldn't figure out how to say, and for sharing this beautiful song with me.
I waited a lifetime to hear my father say any of those things. Now I'll never hear them so I have to say them to myself, and believe them when others say them to me. There has been some off and on crying because it would have been really nice to hear him say I was good. I'm sorrowful that he simply didn't have it in him. He wasn't someone who could be leaned on or turned to, it can be crippling having a parent who isn't strong.
Thank you to everyone who left caring words on my recent posts, and to all who sent PM's sending love and strength. I am walking on borrowed strength and appreciate it more than I can say. I guess this is what it feels like to have family that thinks you're good. It's wonderful to be loved even when I am overwhelmed, sick, crazy, needy, angry, old, unemployed, uneducated, scared, and useless. It's wonderful to be valued anyway.