I don't get it.
It's really not hard. It's not something I've had to work at. Maybe that's the key. Some people have the natural ability and some don't. And then I can't get past the part where you have to actually care about what someone thinks and is saying to also be a good listener. Another key.
What was one of the differences pointed out in that Mars/Venus book? Women commiserate, men want to solve the problem. I know that's why women talk out their problems with other women and boy, do I miss having women friends. Talking to my boyfriend about what concerns me is more frustrating than the issue itself. After our years together, and despite me pointing it out, he still can't just fucking listen and not fucking interrupt me. Why is that?
Is it that he just doesn't give a fuck what I have to say? When I'm in the middle of relating an incident or issue, and he interrupts me, does he really think there is an inherent question in there? Does he still really think I'm telling him these things to get advice? He's not stupid. He can hear me saying words, but he doesn't really hear them. I don't think so. Not Really.
Is it that its me telling him things or does he think this about all people who tell him about an issue or concern? I can't believe that. Is it because its me and he wants to help? Perhaps. But after all the times I've told him I just need an ear and an outlet, why can't he shut the hell up and just let me get it out?
I know people who just talk and talk and talk about themselves and don't care what someone else has to say. To them I just listen. They don't want my opinion and I won't waste my time trying to give it. I don't mind. I don't have any ego around that. Those who want help will ask for it. And those who get it, can do what they want with it.
However, placing your thoughts and opinions before or above the one who's issue it is, so much so that instead of really HEARING them you interrupt them to relate what you're thinking is rude. Don't you think? To me it means they aren't really listening, they don't really care about how it's affecting you and they think they are there to solve the problem for you.
Yeah, not so much.
Its frustrating. I want to be able to talk out the things that are swirling around in my brain. The release is what we're after. Stopping the thoughts from going 'round and 'round. That's really all. Most women these days know how to solve their own issues. Especially (and hopefully) someone my age. I know how to ask for help when I need it. I think it's pretty clear what I'm doing.
Why can't he get it?