I had a wonderful birthday last week  because of the very dear friends that made sure to let me know how much they each cared about me. It poured in through the phone, postings on Facebook, in person, as well as cards and gifts in the mail.

It made me realize… Read full post »

Life is full of surprises these days as I navigate the waters of breaking up. We have been seperated since July 1 when all holy hell fit the proverbial fan. The only conversation we have had was when I told her it was over. There really is nothing else to say.… Read full post »

Each day I discover a little more about being on my own. Mostly I am finding peace and enjoying the quiet. The static is gone and the quiet surrounds me like a gentle, familar friend.

Today I had a follow up at the gastro doctor. Twice they asked if M was… Read full post »

There should be an expression about the "ugly" truth that goes along with the expression of "the truth hurts."

Today I find myself one week past "the last straw" of my relationship and in the midst of pain from the actions of my supposedly loving partner. 

The short version of this… Read full post »

Tomorrow my anus will make it's debut. I usually keep such things private because I am a fairly modest kind of woman. However, tomorrow will be a different story as I will check my modesty at the reception desk before I have my first colonoscopy.

Today I will begin the dreaded… Read full post »

Today started with that kind of perfect morning. The wind was blowing the temp was cool and there had been a touch of rain the night before.

 I spent an hour watering all the plants in the garden feeling the sun on my body and giving thanks for my life.… Read full post »

Last week I helped my beloved farmer Bob finish planting his crops. He is a conventional farmer meaning he plants GMO seed and uses chemicals to control insects and weeds during the growing season.

Lately my conscious has been bothering me about this because I am just now realizing that these… Read full post »

Lately I have been thinking about my own rhythm and the fact that we all have our individual rhythms as we move about this life. The rhythm changes with circumstances and age. It gets worn in spots, thinned out in areas and thickened in other places. It breaks off at times,… Read full post »

My body has changed since the surgery and now it is playing a neat new trick on me-hot flashes. I know I am not the first one to have such womanly pleasures, and I admit that at first I was fascinated by them. They are so powerful and out of control.… Read full post »

There are times when I really don't understand why the people around me can't just be content and happy. At this point in my life I have had enough shit thrown my way that I try not and sweat the small stuff. It is also at this same point that I… Read full post »

The blank page stares 

Asking, "Well, what do you want to say?"

"What's so all mighty important to share?"

The usual answer is "nothing" and just fade back, 

Away

Disappear

Then re-appear,

Later

When I might have something to say.   Read full post »

My body has been through the wringer- getting cut, stapled and stitched, taking in mounds of medicine first through the IV then by mouth, leaving me with no appetite until yesterday.

It has been a strange experience and not one I would want to have again. There is some comfort in… Read full post »

M left this morning for her week in Florida to visit her son who is moving and her sister who had baby # 3 last week. She is already there tooling around in her upgraded rental car heading in any direction she needs to go.

The first part of being alone… Read full post »

I returned from Florida last week and had a sheduled Dr.'s appointment for the next day to discuss my female situation. (Yes, this is a post about women's issues so step off now if you need.)

My situation has progressively  impared the quality of my life for the last few years.… Read full post »

Here I am in the land of where I began. 

The city where I grew up. 

The place where I spent my youth.

It's the place I couldn't leave fast enough after high school.

The place I never returned to by choice.

Here I am.

Only for a… Read full post »

On the first day of this year I was enveloped with a peaceful easy feeling that this was going to be a great year ahead. Then on the 3rd day I almost puked because of the fatality I caused.

Part of what I love about our land are the animals we… Read full post »

There is a sense of relief that the holidaze are officailly over-ahhhhhh, we made it. We did our trip to Florida to see parents, kids, grandkids, siblings, nieces, nephews and friends. Our gift was the nasty cold we caught from either a runny nosed nephew or the family in front… Read full post »

The bump on the bridge of my nose had been there about a year. It wasn't dark or scary looking but I noticed it. Slowly it grew. My daughter who has the ability to notice any and every little detail said, "Mom, you really should get that looked at." I agreed… Read full post »

This afternoon I had time to mow which is something I find very peaceful and relaxing. I climbed on our John Deere riding mower and began the laps around the yard. 

In May we moved into "our" house after a very long and frustrating search. Needless to say, it all worked… Read full post »

Lately the idea of “Family” has been heavy on my mind. At 47 years old I find myself questioning what constitutes family. I’m sure most people don’t give the idea much thought. Family, for many is a given group of people that you are bound to until death. There is nothing… Read full post »

After all the recent news I am left wondering "what really matters?" It has forced me to look at myself and what I do or don't contribute to the world around me. 

My heart is heavy with all the unnecessary pain inflicted on innocent… Read full post »

I'll be traveling again in early December and I fantasize about my "pat down" down "there". Hopefully, they will begin around my breasts and lightly graze my nipples while I begin to get slightly aroused before they go "down there".

Oh no, I don't want to get a private screening I… Read full post »

“Ah, this is just perfect”, I think before I realize that I am back in the Land of Family. This has never been an easy place for me and at 48 years old the chances don’t look promising for any significant improvement.

I am on a second floor… Read full post »

 His name is Bob (the name of my own father-the irony is not lost on me). He will be 80 years old in January and is still as strong as an ox. As we planted last Spring I wondered if he thought this might be his last season. Soon the Harvest… Read full post »