Kerry Lauerman

Kerry Lauerman
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
July 19
Bio
For any Open Salon issues, contact the Open editor, Jacob Sugarman: jsugarman at salon dot com. (I founded Open Salon, but am here in spirit only.)

MY RECENT POSTS

AUGUST 23, 2011 12:38PM

Just a quick hello . . .

Rate: 42 Flag

...and the promise of more frequent appearances in the future.

The fortitude of Open bloggers to put up with our wheezing and whirling and battered servers is one of the most impressive feats on the Internet. I should have news, not too far off, that will hopefully offer some sitewide cheer.

More soon. 

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I await your good news, but then I find myself waiting for everything in here. On a positive note, I can click on your blog....or any blog...and have time to refill my coffee mug and smoke a cigarette before it opens. I get lots done like that! :-)
Thank you, thank you! We could use some good cheer on that front!
Great, thanks for letting us know!
Miss you and Os Kerry.. but I still read blogs here and can clean a room between page turnings. Hope it improves.
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Why not do a feature story? Or a promotional contest. . . ala Survivors.
Nuttin personal but, I've heard that before. Ever hopeful even though you guys don't seem to like me much anymore.
I've completed some unfinished business and new ones have popped up during the OS server issues.

I'll read a few of my faves and rate and rant when time allows! :)
You're such a tease. . .
Great, bloody and beaten, but still here!
We are optimistic fools, aren't we?
I keep my dumbbells by the computer to use while waiting for a page to load-- my arms are so ripped!
Nice to see you on the feed....
Perhaps the quake here could knock sense into Open servers. :) Thanks, Kerry.

r.
"I keep my dumbbells by the computer to use while waiting for a page to load-- my arms are so ripped!"

Now that's making lemonade!
Just a quick thank you.
Hi, Kerry, nice to see you again in these hallowed halls. I miss your old much-imitated-but-never-equalled one-eye avatar and the words that came with it; always gave me a chuckle when I saw it. I hope you mean it when you say you'll appear more often.

I've been more or less absent myself for a while, due in some measure to the difficulties inherent in the site, so I'm real pleased to hear some upgrades are in the pipeline.

And, yeah, can't help but agree that the OS stalwarts are pretty damned amazing....
Good to hear. I hadn't really noticed how "slow" it is, because my internet service provider has made me a battle hardened veteran of dialup and sketchy broadband wireless. Still, anything that makes the site easier to deal with is a welcome thing.

The skeptic in me hears, in my ex-wife's words and dialect, "Hm. To see is to belieb."

[crosses fingers]
"...and the promise of more frequent appearances in the future."

Yet another sign of the Second Coming.....

A monthly or even quarterly update would be very helpful, and shouldn't require too much effort on the part of OS management.
‎"If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?" Dōgen
I keep trying to go away and write other places, but then I always come back. It may be slow, but it's OS. Sigh.
I just stopped by to say "Hello" back, Kerry.

Hope that sitewide cheer comes with a Corona!
You may want to start loading the news now. The page may display by the time you're ready to announce.
We'll be waiting... and waiting... and waiting...
Thanks for the update - it is appreciated.
Kerry, great to hear the news and I look forward to your announcement and the enhancements that are in the works!
I heard a rumor that you're going to start paying us according to our readers. True?
I don't want to sound like a non appreciative person, but could we possibly do something about the front page. I like flowers and kittens as much as the next person, but every day? It seems like it's either that or tabloid news. Then again I guess I just don't have to read it, so never mind.
Thanks Kerry. In about 6- or sax months you'll be over the bronchial wheeze.

Soon the dog breeders and Manhattanite pediatricians will have a cure for pro-adds @ OS?
You'll feel worst or better.
Try fresh harvested mints.
Try green tea lemongrass.
It is harvested in autumn.
Potato greens cure nausea.
Radishes create a burp reflex.
You may squint more but cure.
Oh. by the way? I no can comment.
My Salon (two) gold stars no work.
GoodCelery! & bebop-o seem broke.
I get a popup that reads "You revoked."
Then I re-signed with Salon advertisers.
`
I signed up with a 3rd name that is broke.
I know you're upfront, principled, sober,
and respond to all grievances respectfully.
Is it true that you support hacking @ O.S.?
I hope you do not believe in a death penalty.
I support comments like bbd - "ever hopeful"
Torman is waiting "On a positive note" :-) and
We get to feed horses, milk cows. harvest tea:
Lemongrass, practice Yoga breathing, smoke,
and glean wild aromatic mountain rare herbs.

No worry. We call the maid, butler, and waiter.
Servers are very pleasant.
Servers inform bloggers.
Server open a good book.
Pharmacopoeial inform.

We love high standards:
Purity, quality, identity,
composition, strength,
and over-counter cures.

Barbara W. is waiting.
If respiration ceases?
We b buried in a pet
cemetery grave plot.

Soon we/you be cured.
You be barking as a beagle.
WE be Mooing like the Yak.
We wait patiently. Thank you.
No go on a safari in bloody Iraq.
Nasty strife gives me panic attacks.
Invite over Saudi tourist in New York?
Show hospitality. Be a motel room maid.
Show how to be a ventriloquist with pups.
I think its cute (cootie) to bark with a lisp.
You can sit the baby beagle puppy on lap.
I may ask Santa for a laptop to sit atop.
Maybe ask Santa in a Macy's parade.
Maybe Salon can sell bee bonnets.
I practice my hoola-hoop dances.
It's best to keep a positive smile.
...the other shoe teeters.
Awww, Kerry, we've heard that song before. I'd hold my breath, but I'm too ornery to die. Thanks for stopping in, though. I'll be among those cheering if you deliver good news.

Lezlie
Good to see you again! I will wait for the drum roll~
It's hard to argue with "To see is to belieb." So I'm just going to shut up until we put up. I don't want people expecting to log into Open and have unicorns stream directly into your living room. (That app just never got out of beta testing.)
Thanks, Kerry. Appreciate your note and concern.
Appreciate your note, but this is one of those I will believe it when I see it moments. Oh, like Leslie, not holding my breath!
Yes, yes, and we've have always been at war with Eurasia too!!!

Fine, fine, but give us the real news, what was it like in that Turkish prison???

:D

No, seriously, I already know, I'm just glad they released you!!!

**Wanders off for snacks and then America's Got Talent**
Many many thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only winged unicorns carrying vats of ice cream, please.
"I don't want people expecting to log into Open and have unicorns stream directly into your living room. (That app just never got out of beta testing.)"

And rainbows!! You promised us unicorns AND rainbows!! And I'm still waiting for them!!!

Jesus man, get your ass into the IT room, kick the crap out of your 'development' team and don't stop till they give you what you ask for.

I know, I know, you can't do that, HYPA laws, Sarbane and Foxley and such, but damn it, I was an IT Monkey for 15 years(now I's unemployed IT Monkey --- over a year and a half!!!!) I know what they are doing, they're playing Farmville and viewing ladies doing it with donkeys while waiting for their popcorn to pop!!!!

Actually, I think it's more like Emily is the development team as well as the Ed I Tor!!! GET HER SOME HELP DAMN IT!! SHE might be Super Girl but damn it, she's got kryptonit strapped to her chest!!! SAVE HER BATMAN, oops, I mean, Kerry...yeah....

Your friend,

Aquaman
Mr. L,
I knew i was going to be mighily tickled by a certain 'art james'
commenting here, and was not disappointed.
there are valid concerns
needing to be addressed with absolute veracious veracity here
or a very large contingent of the
small percentage of
gifted writers left
in the universe
will be
lost
to
you.

James M. Emmerling.
Mr. L,
I knew i was going to be mighily tickled by a certain 'art james'
commenting here, and was not disappointed.
there are valid concerns
needing to be addressed with absolute veracious veracity here
or a very large contingent of the
small percentage of
gifted writers left
in the universe
will be
lost
to
you.

James M. Emmerling.
Mr. L,
I knew i was going to be mighily tickled by a certain 'art james'
commenting here, and was not disappointed.
there are valid concerns
needing to be addressed with absolute veracious veracity here
or a very large contingent of the
small percentage of
gifted writers left
in the universe
will be
lost
to
you.

James M. Emmerling.
Dear Mr. James E. Emmerling,
Huh?
I sent your baby blue tuxedo.
I know you are a history buff.
Ya confused as Fred Astaire.

Genghis Khan send flip-flops.
You need a Canadian vacation.
You can eat Lady Bugs or shells.
I say Lady Bugs as one flew here.
She's on my gadget window. No lie.
Maybe buy a polka dot one piece suit.
You can fly to Cape Cod or Nova Scotia.
Use a big seashell and call Kerry L. pups.
If you and Kerry scuba or surf the waves?
Please ask Kerry to wear Sears boxer shorts.
Speak as you walk the sand and gargle stones.
Who was that philosopher who chewed pebbles?
I take back the Lady Bug idea. She is very beautiful.
Maybe you can shag golf balls. Enjoy gophers soup.
Still here and still hopeful. Thanks for the note!!
Hope that means more $$ coming for Salon. We depend on you guys, sort of like a bunch of loyal, talented poodles.
hey kerry. the lack of support is self-explanatory. the site probably only generate nickels and dimes in revenue, huh? live by the sword, die by the sword.
And all this time I thought we inmates were running this asylum.
Why is anyone rating this? He didn't say anything!

"should"..."not to far off"..."hopefully"

Totally devoid of actual content - just trying to stroke the HuffPo-like unpaid content producers.
As for "...and the promise of more frequent appearances in the future."

Who cares - you may own the joint, but you haven't been a member of the community (or a contributor, if you prefer) in the 3 years I've been here. Don't bother to talk about what you intend to do - just do it!

You aren't going to get any applause from me for maybe, someday, fixing what should have corrected long ago!
@markinkentuckiana, thank you. I was also going to ask why anyone would be rating this. Was there a really good post I missed?
Fingers crossed the news will come quicker than the pages have been loading lately...
Had you been trying to post in the last hour, it would be anything but a quick hello. Didn't Emily post roughly the same message a couple of months ago? You do know that several talented writers have give up in despair and there have many many proffered solution in blogs complaining about the woeful technological underpinnings of OS, right?

I take your good words at face value but I can understand why many will only believe it when they see it.
promises, promises...

We should keep on backing up our posts, right?
I don't know why anyone else rated this post, but I always rate a Kerry post. He has such a cute face!! Just want to squeeze those cheeks and give him a cookie!!

Gawd, I need a job or a hobby.

Still love you Kerry, like the brother I never wanted, I asked our parents for a pony and well, they give me you!! PFFFT!!

:D

Kerry, I think you'll understand more after reading this ----

http://www.bencourtney.com/ebooks/pig/

TEARS!!
Where have I heard this before?

Oh yeah.... your last fire-side chat with the peons of OS

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Ever the skeptik....
.
Yo Kerry, I'm just wondering if being an Obama disliker is the kiss of death for ever being on cover or Ed Pick? libby
And whilst your at it can you cure the Male Menopause,
Penile Atrophy
and Crabs - all of which can evade my anti-virus program.
i sincerely hope you are not a practical joker.
Kerry,
I am very grateful for the slow servers. If it were not for them, I might not ever go to class or get any studying done. Thank you so much for everything. The semester has only just begun, and I am hoping for another 4.0.
Hope springs eternal -- however audacious
fool me once, shame on me
fool me twice, shame on you
fool me thrice, one of us needs to smarten up
Wow, so many comments! Very quickly:

• As a born Hoosier whose first job was in Kentucky (Owensboro), that cranky newbie saddens me.

• I'm not sure how to take the male menopause crack, but I don't need a cure, pal!

• Cats wearing glasses: I laugh every single time.

• I'm sure glad someone is happy for the slow servers.

• Tinker: Was that you on my fire escape last weekend? You're going to get arrested one of these days.

And with that, I'm going to go put my head under the hood again. Or, more accurately, bug the person talking to the people whose collective heads have been under the hood for a long time.
Maybe an unpleasant question, but it was a sincere and legitimate one.
"Tinker: Was that you on my fire escape last weekend? You're going to get arrested one of these days."

Pfffft if I do. Entertainment Nightly loves it when I send stories to them about ya!! ;)
Kerry unlike many here, I do not know you and I have been made sicker by your horridly slow and many-problemed site. I am a really nice and kind person but not about OS, not on yr life. You say two or three short and unclear sentences and everyone is thanking you to death. No wonder with NO pressure, you do nothing, have done, will do. And Emily is in a horrid position. I do not believe any whit of money is going into fixing this site, if yes, why did you not have a fundraiser, or get the smart techno people to help. You do nothing have done nothing for over a year. I think no one should be grateful for your cute smile or whatever it is that you do to get the peons among us to appreciate you. This site is shameful. Wendy Orange. I do not believe you --so sue me.
Lame attempt at trying to sidestep the issues -

It's possible I'm a newbie in your eyes, but cranky I'm not! I'm effin' pissed that you've allowed OS to reach the state it's in. I'm not just talking about the spam, the crappy software, and the instability. It's allowing good members of the community to be driven out by bullying and stalking.

If you actually do have good techs working on things - leave them the hell alone! Why don't you give us some actual details about what's happening? Or, are there too many technically literate people here who will know a snow job when they see it?
i also found out that people will buy old atari game machines.
promise us you'll have the new server on line before you sell it.

what game cartridges will it be sold with?
And there I thought it was my computer and internet connection and all these story's were just the ravings of the typical left wing malcontents. Now I can stuff all the stuff back in it's enclosure and look for something to fill this new found 'free time'.
as you can see the site has lost it's cordial veneer, but the crazy quotient has stayed the same at least
I saw you on the right most read feed. Yahoo!
No EP? I'd rate you but the buttons are broke.

I never get a email notice that I received comments.
I use to be able to 'R' and get emails @ Arthur James.

That old blog was hacked. I never use that old blog.
Congratulations ref learning to open your P.U. hood.

No get your nose all smudged-up and dirty-brown.
While under the hood check the oil dips stick. ho ho.

I hope you attend a good school like Yale and spiel.
Editor goes to study so he can teach we people peons.

Kerry L. curses 'spell check' because it missed the Word:
Instead of sea the editor-in chef @ Salon wrote this Goof:
`
Sex of Galilee.
`
Oops
`
no body is perfect
you meant de`see
sea of galilee `ho
oh, and a heehaw
you give refunds?

old Salon names
- bebop-o
-GoodCelery!

P.S.
You are so very
bah incomprehensible
Oh, why delete avatar?

- goat gouda blueberry
`
You one utter failure?
slip under a moo cow?
You no get a `oil goo.
Hee. If I could rate hyblaean-Julie's comment, I would. I occasionally wonder if you Salon people go home at night and drown your sorrows in absinthe and opium from the horrors of it all.
hyblaean-Julie: !

As some of the vets have already heard over time, the essential problem is that we've been in a long, painful process of moving Salon -- a dinosaur in Web years -- from a decade-old proprietary content management system to WordPress. And it's taken a lot longer than we'd hoped. We're close. When that happens, and Salon is moved to the cloud, as they say, Open should literally have a lot more room to grow, and be a lot faster. Open, which operates on a completely different platform, will be moved to WordPress.

When I say I feel your pain I really mean it -- the staff at Salon face much the same difficulties in producing our content as you do yours. I know how crazy-making that is. We're still motivated by publishing for such a smart audience -- hope that sustains you all for a little longer, too.

More when we're closer.
Now that's an update!

Thanks Kerry and you be safe too with that approaching hurricane. Oz might sound like fun, but them damn munchkins will eat you alive!!!!!

:D

And when you say Cloud, you mean, you guys are moving Salon from an Atari 2600 to a Commodore 64, right? :D
Thank you, Kerry. "Waiting For Open Salon" is the chief discouragement of reading, rating and writing here. ANYTHING to speed things up would be beyond fabulous. I would clean your house for a year, for free. (You'd just have to find me, first, natch). :)
You lived in Owensboro? I spent much of my childhood there with cousins. Johnny Depp lived in the house behind my cousin's house. Are you really Johnny Depp??
I would so love to pop in from work, when I have a minute and visit with my friends here again. Say it is true we will get better, we will beat this tide.... or just that it will get faster would be nice.
Kerry:

Are you moving Salon to Wordpress.com or another third party cloud server? Will OS go to the same cloud solution or will it be privately hosted? Have you looked at the BuddyPress plug in for WordPress for OS? I tried to install it about 8 months ago on a small 500 member non-profit website, but it didn't have enough privacy options and didn't seem developed enough at that time...but in theory, it would map well to the general multi-author features of OS. The main problem will be the custom data import with a real time live site. Lots of tests I hope before the real thing, and warnings for people to back up critical posts. Posts and tags ought to track over fine, but I worry about the comments, ratings, and the custom links many members have added by hand.

In any case, I'm a big fan of WordPress and give a big thumbs up to this general solution. I think it can handle both jobs, with right back end development/project management/bandwidth allocation.
BuddyPress site: http://buddypress.org/
Thanks, Kerry. Please take us out for lunch.
Thanks for checking in, um, let us know if we need to check out, will ya?
Thank you for checking in. Do you read anything we write? Just curious.
That's good news. I guess you're finally replacing your Tandy computers.
I see it all as a treasure hunt: words, beauty, wisdom, stories, youth, music, eternity. The rest is just glitter 'open salon' where paths meet. Thanks for having this site and for your welcome. I look forward to reading more from you and others.
I'm really looking forward to what you have in store for us! Hopefully it includes some site load time improvements. Cheers!

I am also having load time issues on my blog: physical therapist blog
As it took a half hour for this page to load, I'll be brief:

When?

Gotta go change the spark plugs in my transmission
While I wait for the next page to arrive.

More later...