katina choovanski

katina choovanski
Location
NYC,
Birthday
May 24
Bio
City-dwelling, country-raised, joyfully car-free, liberal plant nerd who would rather be in school for the rest of eternity. I'm not a writer by any means so I feel a bit small here on OS. I have no dreams of being published or changing the world with my writing but I do enjoy it.

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Salon.com
JANUARY 12, 2009 1:57PM

Skivvies for Bill S.

Rate: 12 Flag

As I commented in Bill's Loser Blog  and per request, I present to you said undergarments.  I know this is not where the presumed sexual act happened because even a masochist isn't going to be big on juniper needles in sensitive places.  And the splinters, oh man the splinters.

 

 

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Comments

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Thankfully, without accompanying body. That sounds like a horrible story.
It is even more hilarious (and stranger) than I expected. I can't possibly conceive of a believable backstory here - "Gee, mom, you're not gonna believe this but......"

Too much. Took me about six tries before I could thumb this, can't see straight through the tears.
I welcome the use of the photo if anyone wants to work up some fiction to go along with it. Could be fun.
What is up today???? I cant stop laughing here. I just read verbals post and spit coffee on my moniter. Now I am looking at underwear.
I can hear the story.
Let's start a comment line.
off to knitting group. may work up a story while I'm there.
Autumn in New York. A time for falling leaves, flying newspapers, discarded styrofoam, and the annual gathering of the homeless on subway vents to try and keep warm. Strolling through Central Park during the afternoon, I expected to find human discards sleeping on benches, overflowing trashcans, and leaves littering the ground.

What I didn't expect to find was a matched set of bra and panties. Eagerly, I glanced up, hoping to find some svelt naked girl up in the trees.

Not even a bird. Damn. Where did these come from?
Several blocks away, Gloria's dress hung from a tree branch. Dresses like this are the stuff of teenage fantasy--clingy, soft, revealing. Dresses like this do not deserve to be torn, covered in dirt, and hung from branches.

It is a little known fact that dresses can, and do, get angry.

Gloria's dress was pissed.
Her hair was not behaving, either. The stuff was sticking straight up like the sign in front of her.
The sign, of course, read:

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service.

At least she had shoes.
And she saw Freaky, whoring Cake in the Parking Lot!
That is, had shoes in her possession. But she wasn't about to try to put them onto her feet right now. Not until they stopped chattering their teeth at her and calmed down.
I am not getting anything worth printing here. I am stumped. All I got is, the dog did it. Was just trying to take a naked jaccuzi in the middle of the afternoon before the kids get home from school, and Fido made off with my undies. Damn dog! The nosey neighbors will surely see me skulking out to the back of the yard to retrieve the evidence. Damn dog. Pink underwear! What was I thinking?!
I deserve to get caught in the buff by Fred and Tilly. Just another ordinary Monday.
Oh, dear. At least they aren't Fruit of the Looms.
She crouched along the back of the house, retrieved underwear in hand when...
Wow, I go off to knit one little hat and y'all come up with this!

Here's my contribution.


“You ready for a crazy night Jen”?

“Hell yeah! I hear half of the football team is going to be there.”

“Nice, I’ve been wanting to hook up with Scott forever!”

“Yeah well, I’m not getting any action in these drawers”

“Waddaya mean?”

“Oh, my mom buys me these really crappy underwear because she thinks that I won’t want guys to see them then. I mean really, this nasty foam thing from like the bargain bin at Sears and COTTON granny panties!”

“If you’re not wearing them, no one will have to see them!”

“You’re brilliant! Pull up over there for a second.”

Jennifer wiggled out of the offending garments and flung them out the window.
They made for some interesting conversation at the Farmer’s Market the next day at that same parking lot.
She was a big loser, but this was new. She had been out running errands when she ran into Chuck. It had been two years since he left. They climbed into the back of her crew cab and clothes were flying, some out the window. As the cab began to rock she heard a police radio, slid her sundress back down as quickly as she could, dove over the seat and made her getaway with all 6'6" of chuck crouching behind her with his pants around his ankles, unable to unfold himself sufficiently to return them to the proper position. She drove to the Road House Grill before giving him the chance to do so, laughing hysterically as he complained and alternately laughted in the tight compartment behind her. It was only that night when she realized what was missing.
TeeHee! Great visuals! I don't want to ruin it by saying where I actually took the photo but you're probably pretty close!