My apartment windows are wide open and I can hear the leaves kicking around the parking lot outside my window. I wish I could relax and enjoy it more, but today is not that kind of day. My apartment building sent notice to me on Monday night that they’d be sending an exterminator to our building today. It left me with less than 40 hours to clean out my closets, remove things from my cabinets and basically endure chaos to accommodate this order. I am wiped out and my back aches.
One of the things I miss about being a homeowner is the freedom to do almost anything I want whenever I want. I also miss not having to do a landlord’s bidding at a moment’s notice just because they said so. Yet I am mostly happy as a renter these days. With so many of friends on the brink of losing their houses or surrendering them to the bank, I feel like I’m sitting pretty, even if I have to put with an occasional inconvenience. Whatever happened to the so-called “American Dream” of being a homeowner?
A few months ago, a friend of mine confided to me that he’d been struggling under the weight of his mortgage. Newly-divorced, he had been forced to take on the debt of his ex-wife along with his own. After deciding to declare bankruptcy, he made the painful decision to let the bank reclaim his house. I am so happy not to be in his shoes.
When my ex-husband and I decided to divorce, I knew one thing for sure: he could keep our house. It wasn’t that I didn’t love the three-bedroom townhouse with three decks overlooking a pretty bay on a river; I loved that place beyond words. I just knew that keeping that roof over my head meant more than paying a mortgage every month on time. It also meant upkeep, manicuring and constant vigilance over disaster.
Not so long ago, much of our waterfront community suffered major damage during Hurricane Isabelle. Boats landed on streets, river waters converged in basements and first floors of many homes and many people were displaced. I remember watching in fear as the sliding windows on our home bowed in during the most vicious parts of the storm. It was 3 a.m. and I feared what I might lose. Relief came at dawn when the storm had finally subsided and our house remained mostly intact. I said a prayer of thanks. Others weren’t so lucky.
From the moment we came to the decision to divorce, my husband insisted on keeping the house. He believed himself to be more entitled to it because during much of our marriage he insisted I play housewife while he went to work. He’d put more money into it than me, he said, and he didn’t care what happened to me as long as he kept his “dream home.” Who was I to argue? With a much smaller income, I knew it would be a struggle to keep the place. Instead of feeling sad about what I was losing, I learned to let go and see things in a different light.
I don’t love the constant struggle of making rent. I am still unemployed and sometimes those bi-weekly benefit checks arrive a day or two after rent is due and I have hold my breath as I write a check I hope I’ll be able to cover before it reaches my account. I enjoy the freedom of calling my maintenance guys when something goes wrong. I have a locked parking garage. There are security cameras everywhere I turn. I don’t have to mow a lawn.
It may fly in the face of everything we’ve been taught as Americans, but I don’t mind being a renter. I don’t feel like I’m losing anything by renting. I feel more like I’ve gained a peace of mind.
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Writer Mom
Darla Carmichael
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Blu Speck
C Berg
Steve Katz
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Comments
Rated with hugs
Talking with them made me realize that our perception of renting vs. owning is a construct of the mortgage tax credit. If we didn't have that, what would be the advantage?
I dream of renting. I hate being a slave to my lawn. Gotta paint the trim. Bleah.
In your case, you were wise. When my alimony ends, in a few months, I think my ex will find herself "House Poor". No money from me to fund it, and a down market having wiped out the equity.
There are good things about it, but like you I hate struggling to make the rent.
Nonetheless, having a house is NOT the only definition of the American Dream. Good post.
Rated.
My home is worth, possibly, half of what is owed.. in other words about what I paid for it. Re-fi'd to the hilt for real-estate investments now gone sour. Real-lationship gone sour... yes.
Enjoyed reading this
Perhaps some folks have better experiences in the slower economies of other parts of the country, but I was pretty miserable. Now I have a townhouse in the midwest, where prices have been lower, and I haven't moved in five years. I don't mind that. I really don't. That's how I found my peace of mind.
Renting could be a great thing if renters had enough protections - but really, a renter is at the mercy of their landlord. If you're lucky, it can be great. But lots of times, it's not so great.
There are days I long for a play to put my hands in the dirt and plant something and watch it grow. That's why I'm joining a local community garden co-op. I don't need to be the only managing a yard which often happened when I was married. It was fun, yet thankless work (until the lavender blossomed).
If my rent goes up, I always have the option of moving, although I've negotiated a few times to keep it down. The last time I did this, I got free garage parking thrown in just to keep me from leaving. It's been a pretty good renter's market in Baltimore the past two years.
Thanks for all the comments. Life isn't always easy, but having less responsibility in this economy at least frees my mind.
One of the emblematic novels of the 1950's was The Man in The Grey Flannel Suit. At the end of the novel, the protagonist decides to accept a lower-paying position with less responsibility with his company, in order to be able to spend more time with his family. Obviously, there was no question in the mind of the author (or of the readers) that he would always be able to afford a nice home for his family (on one income!). There was no question about his being downsized and hired back as a consultant at one-third of his original salary, or of being out of work for years and years, having his home foreclosed, etc., etc. How times have changed.
I often scratch my head when I hear people who have bought houses they couldn't afford claim they were just trying to find "security." The only security comes from calm acceptance of the fact that there is no security.
I do miss not having someone else do repairs : )
Nice post.....I'm sorry your ex was an ass about the dream house, finances aside...