Are you an aspiring rapist? Or do you just occasionally like to fap fap fap to non-consensual-ish videos of women being sexually assaulted? Maybe none of these describe you, but you just like the fact that we live in a society of patriarchal values that consistently undervalues women as sex… Read full post »

Staff Sgt. Raymond Wright was a decorated veteran of the U.S. Army during World War II. He was awarded the Presidential Citation and the Bronze Star for his service during the Battle of the Bulge. 

To me he was always lovingly just "Grandpa."

I was his first grandchild and his only… Read full post »

In the past I lived on milk and soda-pop.

Now I live on coffee and wine.

The future will require Metamucil, but there's always the coffee and the wine.

Tonight, I sit here in awe of my boobs; I can't stop staring at them.

Why have I been doing so much writing about the Tea Party lately?

Is it so I can be mean? Not really. Sure, it's great material; satire is completely my thing and Lord knows there's an endless mine of stuff that comes… Read full post »

I was bored this weekend and in desperate search of a distraction from spring semester finals that did not involve self-medicating, so I went to a Michigan Militia Open Carry Field Day Picnic and wrote about it here.

Anyways, blah, blah, guns, blah, blah, socialism, blah, blah second amendment,… Read full post »

Authors Note: This is a reprint of an article posted in Livingstontalk.com 3/30/2010. I'm just posting it here in the name of consolidation and shits and giggles. And the possibility of further adoration.

Last night was for me the most failed attempt at undercover reporting ever… Read full post »

I know, I know -- it's been forever, OS Friends. Sorry.

Send your letters of thanks to Constance McMillen, Nike, and the Michigan Militia for dragging me all kicking and screaming out of my She-Cave where I have been wallowing in solipsistic self-pity for the past several weeks. I can only… Read full post »

 Author's note: Originally posted on my MySpace blog dated Sept. 13, 2008. Moved the post to Facebook so a friend could read it. Then Cartouche came across it and "order[ed]" me to post it here.  I am not so foolish as to ignore a mandate from this woman.

P.S. Drew:… Read full post »

Mimicry is poor flattery --

These letters all slump, weak.

If You were I, and I were You --

I'd turn my other cheek.

Your Brain is Wider than the Sky --

Your Soul has locked its door --

Through the keyhole my peeking eye

Shut-out forevermore.

And… Read full post »

  Question: What do Ozzy Osbourne, Verne Troyer, Mr. T, myself, and 11 million other people have in common?

Answer:

1. Far too much free time than we know what to do with.
2. A pig-headed refusal to put down the computer mouse and join the land of adults.
3. One
… Read full post »

• Abandon any career you currently are in for an ambitious life of politics. Republican or Democrat: it doesn't really matter.
• Make sure your wife is as equally ambitious as you. If she isn't, then build her an enormous dream house and fill it with every material thing/
… Read full post »

It's Sunday, people. Time for some good ol' fashioned writer's confession:

1. My foreign travel experience is limited.

Everybody knows that almost all good writers have traveled extensively to foreign lands in order to taste the fruits of exotic cultures and therefore enrich their artistic experienc… Read full post »

When I was a little girl, I had a bike.

It was purple, my favorite color. It had a white basket on the front with three plastic daisies on it -- one red, one yellow, and one blue. The seat was a long white banana style one… Read full post »

Author's Note: This is a post I shared last week on Facebook, with a few minor tweaks and additions here and there. Please keep in mind that the "Hope for Haiti Now" Telethon airs tonight on several networks beginning at 8 p.m. ET. Please consider making a donation to help our… Read full post »

Dear Massachusetts,


I'm just sitting here in my bedroom, flipping through old photographs of the months I spent in 2004 living in Worcester, trying to figure out for myself how a state whose ultra cool historical legacy of sticking it to The Man could be so quickly undone by electing that sexy… Read full post »

I may be jinxing myself by writing a piece on the dependability of my car, given life's propensity to play little cosmic jokes on us from time to time. But today it's a risk I'm willing to take, as disappointed as I am over recent news that Roger Penske… Read full post »

Tonight was a very bad night on U.S. Highway 23.

A 19-year-old girl was killed in a hellish car accident involving another car and one or two semis -- I can't remember what exactly what it was they said on the evening news. All I know is that a young girl… Read full post »

Author's Note: This was an assignment for my American Lit class a few weeks ago. Our teacher is a pretty cool guy. He had us write a parody of J. Hector St. John de Crevecoeur's "Letters from an American Farmer: What Is an American?"
It's a pretty famous piece of early… Read full post »

 "And people say I'M the bad guy."

 Let’s play a game of “what-if.”

What if you devoted many hours of your precious time here on Earth working hard at a job to obtain a life of happiness and security for yourself and your family? Then, what if,… Read full post »