Note: Do not try this if you are dumb. Only those who have mastered the skills of B.S. can work under such chaotic circumstances. No one is responsible for your inability to work on a feasible timeline but you. Good luck to you.**
1. It's Friday and each of your professors remind you of your research paper assignments, 10 pages each, all due in the same week. You T.G.I.F. and slouch around to reserve all energy for the next morning--you'll get a head Saturday morning first thing.
2. It's 5p.m. on Saturday. Where has the day gone? You've slept in and had a cleaning day. You'll start your research after dinner.
3. You're in the library by 11:30a.m. on Sunday. You've checked out a couple of books--feeling great. Some friends talk you into going into town real quick. You get back in the evening.
4. It's 9:30p.m. and you're still trying to get yourself in the mood for homework mode. Clean room. Dishes done. Light music. Clean laundry. Dinner. You turn around and notice that Family Guy is on Fox...it's now 11p.m.
6. You arrive back to your room at 11:56p.m. with two friends, 8 Red Bulls, a cartoon of cigarettes, and adderall. This will be your diet until the last final.
7. At 2a.m. you finally hit the second page...double-spaced. You work on the cover page and bibliography, then number the pages, to feel good about yourself.
8. By 3:30a.m. you have all uncovered the meaning of life. You still have 8 pages to go. "#FML." A friend breaks down into a combination of laughter, tears, and despair. You may be next.
9. It's 6:30a.m. and your head phones are blaring "We Speak No Americano." The sun is beaming on your neck behind you. You're done. You print your paper, staple it, and decide to take a 37-minute nap.
10. You wake up on your room floor 1. startled, 2. thinking your arm fell off--it's numb and you can't move it, 3. late for class.
** repeat steps 4-10 on every weekday of finals and, by God's grace, you may make it home for the holidays with a 3.5 and a plethora of college #goodtimes memories.