It was too dark for our photographer to catch the horrific act, but many witnesses claim that last night they viewed Tim Tebow down on one knee in a back alley performing abortions on pregnant rat mothers. He was overheard reciting John 3:16 and crying.
One onlooker asked how he could do such a thing, and the football star simply said “the world has become overrun with the little fuckers, and I can't take it anymore.”
One witness, who wished to remain unknown said “he had this little toy vacuum cleaner, and did unspeakable things. I will never forget the agonized sounds of terror coming from the little rodent mothers as long as I live, so help me God.”
A Mr. Justin Slothwright informs us he did try repeatedly to get Tebow onto his famous Rat Diet, but Tebow continually refused. Slothwright fears he may have pushed Tebow over the edge, and feels at least partly responsible.
We contacted the pro-life Focus On The Family and wondered if they would still “get into bed” with Tebow. “We'll get into bed with him anytime, he is one handsome rat abortionist”. The spokesperson was FOTF Founder James Dobson, who sounded quite out of breath at the time. “Fuck that man shall not lay with man shit! It doesn't apply when the dude is that fucking hot!”
When asked for his reaction, Tom Brady simply said “What do you expect? After what I did to Tebow, what else has he got to do? He ain't no good at football!”
Meanwhile, rat advocate Rick Santorum claimed that he will be seeking an injunction. “It's just horrible the way some people don't respect the right to life. Just horrible. And I had so been looking forward to having Tebow in my Superbowl ad this year.”
Slothwright is working on a unborn rat stew recipe in order that the remains don't go to waste and fester in the alleys of our country. Pat Buchanan was seen hanging his head in shame, and wondering what the point of it all ever was.