One day at a time...

soaking up each and every one of them!

Cathy GF

Cathy GF
The Bay and The Lake, California, USA
December 29
Living the adventure of change


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SEPTEMBER 12, 2011 1:20AM

September 12th - Not Just Another Day

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I could barely get to sleep last night.  I felt hyper vigilent over the eve of September 11th and surely, all the New Yorkers who layed wide awake during the night and wee hours of the morning of...




Finally, I turned off the TV in the early PST hours of the morning, knowing that I woud wake to a September 11th like no other.  I prayed there would be no plots of violence against our shattered nation, let alone, our devastating memories of what was done to terrify,  paralyze and horrify our dear friends, relatives and neighbors in Manhattan.

I closed my eyes, last night, fighting back the tears of what could be...what I dared to ignore.  What I couldn't face for another day, minute, second.

The thought of any suffering for another moment in time was unbearable; unacceptable.  Please, Lord, let me sleep to another day.  A day without incident; a day without car bombs or crazy killers without moral purpose; without culpability or concern.  

None of us were raised to understand such lack of regard for human life. None of us were prepared for a reality that would include self anihilation while descimating the life of countless others.  Most of us could never see this coming.

To remember what happened to America ten years ago, is barely bearable, palpable.  Scarsly tenable.  Impossible.  Really.

All the imagination, prayers and wishes cannot touch the emotion undefined, that scarred a nation forever.  There is nothng more to be said. It simply and improbably stained our psyches, our memories and our spirit.  It happened that day.

So, to enter into another day; a day after that day, is to tread so very lightly into the day following the indescribable horrors of that day.  It is nearly impossible to utter the words, September 12th, at least for me.  I fear it.  This year more than any other.  I feel it.  In the shining of the full moon, I have lost all trust of the day following no shock; no life lost on a major scale.  It feels far too close to me.  It hoovers over us.  It beckons to the crazy, unimaginable unannounced horrors to come.  And it will.

Tragedy will strike again and the very thought of that fact gives me the deepest pause.  The pause that comes before sleeping.  The pause that prevents sleep,  The pause that prevents sleep before fervant prayer to an unknown god or entity that would know what is likely to occur.  The thought that we know so little.  The knowing that we have no idea whatsoever.

It is not in our makeup.  Not in our DNA.  Yet, we must figure it all out before it is too late.  We must be certain, that on the day after September 11th, that we will prevail.  That we will own our destiny, both as individuals and as a nation that once held the standard.  

A country that has opened its borders, its freedoms and its security to all those who would embrace its intrinsic values.  We must be defined by these virtues.  But we must not be fooled.  We must not be naive.  

We must keep our eyes wide open, even in the the darkest of nights; the center of our dreams; the power of our nightmares; the glimpse of what will come in the earliest of dawns.

Be awake.  

Be aware,  

Be ready.  

Be steadfast.  

Be stong.  

Be the best.

We always were.  

We can be again. 

Sleep well.

If you can. 


Photo taken in South Lake Tahoe, late August, 2011 with my camera phone, aimed at the sky in the blinding light of the sun.

C17 Globemaster seen overhead during an annual air show.


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Nick - Yeah, the full moon in Lake Tahoe is quite something. Clear as can be. Bigger than life. And clearly, I still cannot sleep.
What was visited upon us that day is just a tiny fraction of what our nation visits upon other innocent nations every day.

We moan because those whom we kick to death have the temerity to bite our foot.....

Cry me a river........

Hi Sky - Thanks for keeping me company so late tonight.
Eloquent and elegant writing. I found thisparagraph especially fine, both for its rhetorical balance and cadence, and for the stark reality it describes: "Tragedy will strike again and the very thought of that fact gives me the deepest pause. The pause that comes before sleeping. The pause that prevents sleep, The pause that prevents sleep before fervant prayer to an unknown god or entity that would know what is likely to occur. The thought that we know so little. The knowing that we have no idea whatsoever."

That thought occurs to me sometimes, and I typically move quickly on to thinking about other things. It's scary. You, however, face it fully, frontally. Thank you for this.
Thanks very much, Jerry. I woke up this morning intending to delete this post, fearing it contained too much fear implanted in me by the round the clock media coverage of 9/11. Then it dawned on me. There could be no fear great enough, media coverage greater than, or message that more clearly defines what and why I/we could feel this way after the disastrous events of 9/11. The feelings were valid. That I posted them remains to be seen. Thank you for your kind comment.
I can understand your late night fears and ruminations. Fear is a powerful force and I'm afraid a lot of our fear has lead us down some very dark roads...wars, mistrust, prejudice. The media loves to use Fear and there's been no shortage of news flashing these horrific scenes over and over and we continue to consume. It's tough to sleep at night when we've exposed ourselves to this Fear over and over. You're right. We need to be wide awake. And we need to put our Fear where it belongs. R
Mary - So right you are. Media perpetuates the details that ignite our deepest fears. It loops around and around; over and over...I need to turn off my mind and the damn tube! Thanks for your thoughts. xo

Jon - Thanks very much.
I agree with your sister..
I'm afraid a lot of our fear has lead us down some very dark roads...wars, mistrust, prejudice
We are in a fine kettle of fish now. Instead of binding together we seem to all at odds and that is a sad thing.
My hope is that tomorrow is a better day, and I continue to work for that with my beliefs. I think that is how we survive, by thinking and working for the better. The problem with the last ten years is all the war mongering, that did not make us safer, but more vulnerable. Hard to feel safe when you are conjuring up more blind hatred.
I hope you sleep much better tonight Cathy. I hear what you are saying. On another note, I wish that the spirit of Sept 12th would return, when the whole country was on the same page and united. Look how far we've moved away from that in the last 10 years.
Hopefully, you slept tight!! ~hug~

Linda - Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Yes and the perpetual fear mongering media sure knows how to push our buttons.

Sheila - Your thought provoking comment is filled with much of my own sentiments. Thanks very much.

Trilogy - Yes, 9-12 a decade ago sure was a totally different kind of day. We all need to get those dusty flags out of our garages again and display them proudly as we did back then.

Tink - Thanks! Yes, I did actually sleep quite well after purging my innermost feelings of anticipation for something with no name or definition.
Elegantly Said: Thanks for taking the time to post.

I was watching the NFL yesterday, the Ravens Game, their was this Fireman; likely a chief he had the experiane etched into his face, to see him there Saluting the Flag, and his fallen mates ...beyond words.

Brightest Blessings BB.
BB - Your comment touched me beyond words. Thank YOU!