Just Walt's Mental Meanderings

Walter Blevins

Walter Blevins
Vista, California, USA
August 22
I'm a 60 year old guy who lives in Vista California with my wife. I spent the 30 years before moving to Cali in Iowa, Wisconsin and North Dakota. And I have 2 grown children, a son and a daughter who live in Virginia and Iowa and a 22 year old step-daughter lives with us here in Vista. I'm a proud grandpa with 2 grandaughters living in Virginia. I like to write about a whole variety of things from my kids to cooking to politics to the car industry to my status as a "Cheap Bastid" and "Old Fart" and just random thoughts. And I really love writing about cooking really good, homecooked comfort food cheap. That's why they call me the Cheap Bastid. By the way--all the stuff I write is my stuff and you can't use it without my official OkeyDokey

MAY 22, 2012 9:51AM

Foodie Tuesday: Cheap Bastid’s Porn Dogs

Rate: 9 Flag

I tried an experiment not too long ago.  A while back I posted what I call “Weiners Wellington” where you wrap crescent roll dough around hot dogs—what’s been called “Pigs in a Blanket” for a long, long time and a simple dinner that kids have always loved.

But have you priced out crescent rolls (even store brand) lately?  No way!  I’m a Cheap Bastid.  I’m not going to pay that much for refrigerated dough—even if it is flaky.

I like my dogs “encased” in dough.  So what am I going to do?  I thought to myself, “Self, make some biscuit dough, then roll it out thin and use that.”  So that’s what I did.

corn dog and wedges

Biscuit dough is quick, easy and cheap.  In fact, I even tried it 2 different ways—regular biscuit dough and then substituting 1/3 of a cup of regular flour with corn flour and corn meal. 

Hey, it worked!  Not as soft and flaky as crescent rolls but a nice “biscuity” blanket.  Kind of like a dough-condom if you will—or based on the shape that several of them ended up having, what Mrs. CB called “Porn Dogs” with just a little bit of a giggle.

What the hell, it’s an inexpensive dinner.  Give it a try sometime—or shell out the extra  money for the crescent rolls if you don’t want to make a mess with flour and lard and buttermilk and make regular old Weiners Wellington.

Cheap Bastid's Porn Dogs
1 batch of “Mamaw’s Homemade Biscuits” (link follows:)
1 package hot dogs (I use the cheap ones)

corn dough rolled and cut

Get out a mixing bowl, pastry board and rolling pin to make your dough.  Get out a cookie sheet.
Follow the recipe for Mamaw’s Homemade Biscuits or use your favorite recipe.

 rolling corn dog close up2

Pre-heat oven to 400.
Roll your biscuit dough out to a large rectangle that’s about 16 x 12
Cut long strips that are about 1”-1 ¼” wide.

corn dog ready to bake
Carefully wrap each hotdog its entire length with a strip of dough.
Put on cookie sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown.

fresh out of oven2

Now, these come out a bit “crunchier” than the crescent roll kind but we actually like the texture.  But, as you can see from the photos, if you’ve got just a bit of a naughty mind, these do end up with a certain anatomical resemblance to some other part of the male human anatomy.

Cheap Bastid is all about cooking as inexpensively as possible and making food that’s pretty doggone tasty.  As I said, this was more of an experiment for me to see how they would come out.  I liked the taste of the corn dog version but it’s actually a bit crunchier than the regular dough.  I might make a bit of an adjustment to the recipe perhaps adding a bit of oil—or even substituting oil for the lard and see if that does it. 

corn dog done

The Cheap Bastid Test:  Well, the hot dogs cost $1 a package (and sometimes even less) because I now buy the “cheapie” chicken/turkey/pork variety rather than beef.  (Beef hotdogs now cost between $4 and $5 a pound!  If I’m going to spend that much on beef, I better be able to cook it medium rare and have a baked potato on the side!)  And, the biscuits cost maybe $.50 to make. If I were doing the same thing with crescent rolls, I would end up spending $4.00 or so rather than $1.50.  Now don’t get me wrong, $3.50 isn’t bad for a dinner for 2 but it’s not as good as $1.50.

That's the Cheap Bastid Way:  Eat Good. Eat Cheap. Be Grateful!

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I'm guessing here that since they're called Porn Dogs, you would use those really BIG winnies and not the small ones. :-)
Hmmmmmm, hadn't thought of that David. Actually, they ended up called "porn dogs" because....well, because sometimes they come out looking (ummmmm how should I say this....) circumcised.
Deep fry those suckers and you got yourself some Corn Porn Dogs!!
jmac--you're right! I hadn't thought of that. Although, I don't really deep fry stuff; not because of "health concerns" but because I'm a "Cheap Bastid" and it uses too much oil that ends up being wasted.
I loved this and your site is just great.. like you.
PS: For a cheap bastid.. you have one hello of a nice gingham print for a background on that site.. Must have cost a fortune..:)
PS: For a cheap bastid.. you have one hello of a nice gingham print for a background on that site.. Must have cost a fortune..:)
Linda--thanks and thanks for visiting Cheap Bastid Cooks. The "gingham" was part of an effort to have a "diner" look to the site. I hope I achieved that.
I love these Porn Dogs. They should get together with my sensual grapefruits today and put a whole new spin on Foodie Tuesday.
I think I need to make these for the book club....
Zanelle--thanks, sounds like a good idea to me.

VCorso--Give 'em a try although they're not as "flaky" as regular "pigs in a blanket" because they're made with biscuit dough.
I'm back again, just can't help myself. Could ya somehow color those things and call them....wait for it.....Fifty Shades of Porn Dog!
David--Yeah you could but then you'd have a rainbow of porn dogs and those a-hole preachers in North Carolina would be after me for makin' "queer dogs". If I got some kielbasa I could make "Dirk Diggler" dogs. (apologies in case that politically incorrect comment was offensive to someone--this is sarcastic humor folks)
Are your skills rentable? r.
Jon--thanks. my "skills" aren't rentable because I have none. But you can rent me pretty cheap.
Ahhhhhh Tink--I knew this would get your attention. Perhaps they need little dough balls at the end--something a cat would like to lick.
Oooooh, good idea!!!! And some white sauce at the end, possibly horseradishy!!!!! :D

Ketchup would just be sooooo wrong!! ~:D
You need to wrap some cheese up in that, because cheese oozing out the ends would be the icing on the cake, and also tasty.
Phyllo dough is cheap and flaky just like me
Tink--horseradish sauce is always good--clears out the sinuses. I like ketchup with a good squirt of La Sabrosista sauce (think Tabasco times 2). Good stuff

Librarienne--yep, I do exactly that. But didn't take any pictures of the ones where the hotdog is slit and a slice of cheese in in it.

Bob--Phyllo is too pricey for a Cheap Bastid! And Jack is always good--it's meltier than cheddar.
I've never been one for wrapped hotdog things, but this might make me rethink.

I tend to favor the the Chicago red hots presentation.
AnotherSteveS--thanks. This was actually just an experiment to see if I could do it. But I've done the experiment 3 times now.