Disaster. I promised to recap the first episode of Dancing With The Stars for Knightwriter (who thankfully for you guys will be recapping next week). But discovered today the Canadian network that has always shown it until now, isn’t showing it this season.
I'm in shock, especially since DWTS season 10 features one of the great Canadian icons, Pamela Anderson. (What you didn’t know Pammy was from Canada? The country that closed the Winter Olympics with a parade of inflatable beavers? Seriously?)
It’s too late for me to get cable. But in the still faintly glowing Canadian spirit of We killed a guy, screwed up the flame ceremony, and there’s no fucking snow, but...hey, let’s do the Olympics anyways! I offer the first official Dancing With the Stars Tweetcap. I can’t watch the show, but I can at least tell you what the tweeple were saying about the stars I was rooting for and against.
The show, I suspect, was hosted as usual by grandmaster of schmarm, who I’ve always kind of liked. Turns out I like him even more on Twitter.
If you’re wondering about the picture. Says @Tom_Bergeron:@brookeburke That picture is my Star Trek:Enterprise character D'Marr. Nice guy. Very dry skin.
(BTW @Tom_Bergeron also says there's no truth to what he told US magazine about Bruno setting up an on site daycare for Kate Gosselin’s kids.) @brookeburke is of course, new co host, former DWTS winner Brooke Burke, who is replacing the woman who hosted the show for nine seasons, but whose name I still can’t remember. Melissa? Maybe?
BEFORE WE SET OUT: I've done a little tweesearch on the competitors, which I'll be incorporating into my tweetcap.
If I were going to handicap one star, based only on Twitter campaigns, no one's going to beat Chad OchoCinco. NFL stars always do well on DWTS anyway. And he's pretty confident "No one can beat me dancing at this game." Although in this case he's talking about Dance Revolution:
Still, if most of the voters are also watching the show via twitter it may help that Chad has posted so many Twitpics of himself .
Not working in Chad’s favor is the fact that he finds the foxtrot hard @OGOchoCino This FOXTROT is hard, I can be graceful making ___ but this slow slow quick quick slow is not on the MANDINGO CHRONICLES menu. Smh
Also the man formerly known as Chad Johnson has officially changed his name AGAIN Am I trippin or did @nickjonas just hit me on twitter? I am Chad Ocho Cinco Jonas And later: @nickjonas since I am part of the family now we can work on my new album together, its called CHILD PLEASE , song we doing is OH HELL NAW.
I’m kind of on the fence about Chad. Just when I’ve decided he’s a self absorbed douche, he posts something sort of endearing like: sleep? I am nervous eating krispy kreme doughnuts and drinking a red bull watching ITS COMPLICATED-Meryl Streep.
THE SHOW STARTS. First up...Chad Ocho Cinco Jonas!
Twitter pretty much erupts like it's Chippendale's. With many, many comments on Chad's general "fine" ness. @shelly726 Chad ocho whatever is a ahole for the most part but damn he's a sexy beast.And his Twitter campaign seems to be working pretty well @OaklandCtyMoms Rooting for @OGOchoCinco on #DWTS. Didn't like the guy before Twitter, now I think he's great.
But judging from the fairly low score, 18, the truth might be a little closer to @berstreet: Ocho actually doesn't look horribly awkward. He also looks like he wants to hump.
NEXT UP: Shannen Dougherty @DohertyShannen. To be honest her tweets are a little dull. And mostly she just seems kind of nervous and Heading to studio....going to be sick. Thank you for all the well wishes!!
Initial reaction from the tweeple is she's not doing so hot. Seems she has a sad story about how she's doing this for her dad. @Web_Consigliere I think its nice Shannen is doing for her dad but shes not a good dancer - Maybe Buzz is going to outlast her - That would be Buzz Aldrin, who is 80.
Oh wait no. There's been a reaction shot of her dad crying and now the tide is turning big time. leleroyalty Awwwww he's bawling #shannondad #dwts. Oh crap if someone actually learns how to spell #shannendad, he could start to trend! @shka_marie okay, shannen and her dad are making me tear up. so, so sweet. #dwts. At this point doesn't really matter what her marks are because her dad cried and HootSuite keeps pumping Doherty's DWTS voting number every five minutes.
NEXT: ESPN anchor and former Denver Broncos cheerleader Erin Andrews.@ErinAndrewsESPN She tweets a lot but doesn't really say much, although she's pretty happy with her legs. Here's a stat: I have the longest female legs to ever compete on DWTS..hope they do me proud tom night..
Erin obviously has her fans, and she seems to have done okay. But for some reason I prefer to believe Angelica33 #erinandrews kept making duck lips at the camera.. it was strange. and @rinafer Erin Andrews...ehhh. She was OK, but the judges are right -- she wasn't sharp enough. If she'd been, I would have liked it a ton more. and @LadyAnne525 Bruno just told Erin she throws her legs in the air beautifully. Nice compliment, but what does it have to do with dancing? ;) Still she seems to be doing okay with the older folks. Or at least the fake older folks. @FakeRonReagan I'll tell you my pick for #dwts That Erin Andrews has the moves of a young Jane Wyman--if you know what I'm sayin! OH SNAP!
Not a lot of politically commentary on #DWTW. But @miyashay
Watching that Dancing show... Can't help it, I watched healthcare yesterday
NEXT UP: Jake Pavela. Don't have much to say about him after he tweeted @jakepavelka1 Just met Kate Gosselin. Super nice! I'm impressed the negative media hasn't affected her spirit.
Before he's even hit the floor, and without actually seeing him, I know I'm going to side with @msalannarae Jake gets straight 10's for being a douchebag. Doesn't help that he's apparently brought his dance partner a rose And sadly this cheesy move has affected her popularity @Wendooku Hmmm Chelsie. How oompa loompa orange you look. Uh Oh @GinaG610 Jake = fail for dropping Chelsea #dwts Did the judges not see that??
NEXT UP: Niecy Nash @NiecyNash I got kicked out of my 8th grade dance class! Tonight I'm making a comeback! It's never too late to follow ur dreams! DWTS here I come!!
Apparently Nash is dedicating this performance to all the "thick" girls. I'm guessing she's talking body not brain. Looks like she'd doing really well. But there seem to be confusion on Twitter about her parts. I take it she said something that is being variously interpreted. Something about "jiggly bits" but it's hard to tell @gizzofoshizzo i like my juicy parts to GIGGLE!! WOOOOOO general consensus is that she did okay, but the judges are being too harsh @Ashleygrl87 Dang the judges are really trashing Neicy and @dfx_101 Niecy Nash kinda started off rough but ended well. A 5? Old man, u blind? and finally @kellyw15 Love Niecy and her wobbly bits! Bite me Len.
And now for some visuals:
Chad and Evan
NEXT UP: Evan Lysacek @EvanLysacek. I should probably reveal I am not exactly rooting big time for Evan Lysacek. I'm a figure skating fan, and IMHO skipping the World Championships this week so that you can compete for a Mirror Ball, is not exactly the greatest thing for the sport.
And now there's also the problem of Evan's tweets Meeting with the one and only Donald Trump this morning. Can't wait. He's one of my idols! And I'm at brunch with my nephew Mason... He's eating crayons!! So cute. What I'm trying to say here is that there's just something a little off about this guy.
The tweeple don't agree with me. And he's obviously hugely popular. No doubt egged along by HootSuite which allowed him to tweet WHILE he was dancing @EvanLysacek How is everyone enjoying the show? I'm having a BLAST. Hope that I can stick around until the season's end. Vote by calling 1-800-868-3406.
Yeah. Okay. Whatever. He did fine. Was very graceful. Got good marks. Although @Htwngirl Oh lawd Len noticed Evan's "bottom"
But I'm with @Razel25 DWTS would be so much better if @JohnnyGWeir and @EvanLysacek were partners.
Chad and Buzz
NEXT: Buzz Aldrin @TheRealBuzz. Yes, Buzz tweets, and has been for quite some time judging from this month old one: In NYC today taping w/Tina Fey for upcoming 30 Rock episode set to air 5/11. Fun times.
In fact he's so glib with the tweet talk that I suspect TheRealBuzz may not actually be the real Buzz. To bad he can't get a designated dancer. @amaditalks I can't watch Buzz Aldrin. You know the world wants him to do well, but he's 80. And not funny like Cloris Leachman. and @coureycat is Buzz Aldren counting? having a conversation? argh, what is happening? I have never seen that before. well bless his heart. And finally @joeyguerraAI Buzz Aldrin has crashed back to Earth. With sequins.
His wife took a bit of a trashing too, for maybe not being the entirely real Mrs. Buzz. i.e she seems to have gone a little heavy with the botox @SoFlyLadyDi I think Buzz's wife is wearing part of his astronaut suit.
Chad and Nicole
Oh Nicole Scherzinger @NicoleScherzy apparently you are one really hot dancer. Which means a lot of people will root for you. And a lot of people will think you shouldn't be on the show, because you're a professional dancer. It would really help is you didn't tweet stupid stuff like I support @perezhilton to be a judge on American Idol.....go Perez!
Also maybe you shouldn't refer to yourself as "a multi-platinum recording artist" in you intro. Because you aren't anymore, or you wouldn't be on this show. So you're just opening yourself up to tweets like @eri kasaprincess "My name is Nicole Scherzinger and I'm a multi-platinum recording artist." You're really conceited and I wanna slap you. And @61OH "I'm a multi-platinum recording artist." Really, Nicole? You're a stripper. In general though, the tweeple are pretty impressed with Nicole. And so are two of the judges, Bruno and Carrie Anne who give her 9s. Len, apparently, not so impressed @RMartino26 Who peed in Len's coffee? I mean really!
NEXT UP: Aiden Turner @aidenturner
He doesn't actually tweet much. And what he does tweet is a little on the painful side, literally. Hurt my hip flexer from to much dancing. Ouch !!!! Injuries aren't funny.
I was kind of rooting for Turner because, before he was on All My Children, he did a stint on East Enders. That's the working class British soap that one of the brothers from Spandau Ballet used to be on. So no surprise that he did a cha-cha to Duran Duran.
He wasn't that great says Twitter. And apparently Tom Bergeron wasn't all that happy with his partner, Edyta's costume. @AndrewDonovan Tom Bergeron: "We're about one drift of wind away from an FCC fine with this one." Other people not so happy with Aiden's costume @sbirdi Aiden Turner looks like a UPS driver in that costume ensemble.
My favourite costume remark of the evening: @AtlantaPeaches I cannot believe Pam Anderson and Kate Gosselin are both dressed in pink. How am I supposed to tell them apart?
NEXT UP: Kate Gosselin, who doesn't tweet.
Doesn't seem to have gone well. @BradArmitage
Kate + 8 ... Left feet? and then @MissDreadLox Bruno said, "looked like Tony was pushing a shopping cart around the floor" LMAO. He is right. Ouch. Doesn't look like we're going to have much problem telling her and Pammy apart.
Pam's been getting a lot of negative tweets from the beginning. Even more than Kate Gosselin, and Pammy hasn't even danced. There's her hair, and what some people see as a disproportianate body not quite right for dance. And her general, relaxed attitude, which some people seem to be misinterpreting as substance abuse.
Whatever @implies Pam's ready to shut this shit DOWN
Chad and Pam
Oh yes she is! Too bad she doesn't Tweet. But hey, somebody's gotta show some restraint!
Would have liked to have seen this move! @gizzofoshizzo Thats where he grabbed her boob! and she kicked him in the head! But sounds like she did okay. Maybe a little pitchey in parts. But Pammy scores a respectable 21.
And that's good enough for me to call it a night.
Looking forward to actually watching the show two days from now on Youtube. And, of course, reading Knightwriter's recaps. Though I may still check into Twitter #DWTS from time to time. Maybe even download Chad Ocho Cinco's app.