I enjoy giving advice, but I just can't seem to follow it. Others tell me their problems, and the solutions seem so easy, I tell them what I would do. It turns out, I can make good choices. When it comes to my life, the path eludes me. I tell people to listen to their gut, not to panic, things will work out the way they are meant to. It's the journey, not the destination. Don't take that job if you're not comfortable with it, wait for something better.
My problem? I am incapable of removing my emotions, especially anxiety, from the equation. I was brought up to be responsible, financially and otherwise. The elusive voice of financial security calls to me. There are days when I don't want to come to work, would rather hop a plane to Rio, take a chunk of my savings and make a run for it. Put it all on black. Maybe for a little while, and maybe for longer, see where life takes me.
What adventures am I missing in the interest of being a functioning adult? How I long to be carefree for a few days, maybe weeks. I fear it would be addictive, that I would crave freedom too much, be unable to return to society. And then what?
I dream of leaving this life behind, running through my office's doors and never looking back. I would sit in the sunshine, ask the wind which way to blow, wait for its response. What am I meant to be doing? How will I get there? What is my gift?
Dear wind, help me to follow your lead. I know the answers are out there. I await them, anxiously.