Not what I expected this to be about (from the title), but a good read nonetheless. May your generosity of self and spirit come back to you a thousand-fold, Joan.

For people like you, Joan, angels really, that's right, no fences, As for me, when I lived in an actual neighborhood, I made it a policy to get to know no one.

You are a remarkable writer and person.
Rated.

Wow - This was an amazing read Joan...
r-♥

So on spot, Joan.

My place too.

ahh what you create out of angst ...amazes. Powerful, evocation of the haunting hollowed lives of those whose lives veer off course...and those who notice and act with compassion. Bless you, Joanie...in this and all. Rxo

This is incredible, and a true testament to your beautiful spirit.

Most people would look away from the people you have encountered--including me. What a big heart and generous spirit you have.

Nicely written.

What a compassionate woman you are.
Terrific story.

Good for you for opening a gate.

I don't know if I could reach out to those neighbors, especially Kara, as you do. The good you do will come back to you. Rated.

"The poor you will always have with you..." which is not a license for indifference or self affirmation. And there are different types and degrees of poverty. Though the completion of that passage means for many they need to realign their lives to take advantage of Christ's presence, one cannot deny that our daily lives have an inherent responsibility to care for those that need our help.

It's not just anecdotal, I've experienced being in third world and developing countries something that seems a universal maxim. Those with the least are often more than willing to share what they have.

Of course I'm not surprised Joanie, for those with eyes to see and who possess a receptive heart, that you demonstrate kindness. Your grace and everything else are bonus, what's important is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and then choose to act. For me, volitional empathy is more important than the commission that insists that those you encounter must think or believe as you do.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I should mention that Erica's comment is spot on. I most definitely do not always have the time or patience for Kara. When I feel that she is in dire straights, I help, but when my instincts tell me she wants someone to complain to, I'm not the one for that.
STEVE! Welcome back!

""The poor you will always have with you..." bbd, that and "whatsoever you do for the least of my people..." Those quotes are meaningful, aren't they?

Joan, you are a good person, but we all knew that. Its ironic that I read your post this morning, after a couple hours of fruitless online job hunting, I was feeling pretty helpless and frustrated but somehow the powers that be lead me here and showed me people far worse off than myself and it also showed me that people DO care.

This is really well done Joan, it's hard to write about helping others or feeling compassionate without stepping over the line into having the reader feel you are promoting your actions somehow, you have done that very well.
As I have gotten older sometimes my fence is much higher, especially with those with a track record of climbing it anyway. On the up side my empathy has grown as life has shown me 'there but for the grace of God go I" . Well done.

Shutterbug, I'm really glad you stopped by. I really hope that job search comes to an end very soon...

Rita, you know it... any one of us... xo

Wow. It's funny how people seem to think apartment or urban living cuts us off from those around us - it's true we can indeed become very connected to them. What you wrote about your artist neighbor (whom I remembered from your first post about her, and was hoping to hear was doing better) rang true for me - in many ways, I am her. I hope she'll find a way to make some money soon, poor thing. The young girl breaks my heart. I wish she could find help. As for your neighbor who always asks you and your husband for favors...well, she's lucky indeed to have found people like you. I hope she'll get help and be able to do those things for herself one day, and I hope doing those things for her don't stress or inconvenience you and your husband too much. You are kind souls and great neighbors.

Indeed, good deeds done often bring good in return.

I don't think a lot of people thought their lives would turn out the way they have turned out, especially during the last four and one-half years of this Great Recession.

Life is not fair. It just is not.

Karma Joan, you have good karma.

Excellent piece. Your love knows no boundaries.

They never asked to be born.. nor did we. Is good to know good hearted people are out there Joan. The weight, it's too much for many. I see that getting worse too. Sigh

You are generous in spirit. RRRR

It's impossible to distance ourselves from our vulnerability, our essential, frightening fragility, the brokenness of it all. If it's not coming from inside, it's coming from outside. You write about this like one of us, the human race, all in pieces everywhere. I love the inimitable way you do this. You have eyes that see, ears that hear and a heart breaking open.

So rare to read a piece filled such humanity on so many levels. Nicely done.
R

You'll never regret these things you do; just make sure you are saving some of that Big Love for yourself. I imagine a world in which everyone did what you do......

Haunting, Joan, and well done.

For context on that Scripture passage mentioned in the comments: "The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me." --Mark 14:7

Note especially the second part of the sentence, i.e., "...and you can help them any time you want." Without that second half, it could end up seeming like a statement of despair, saying, in effect, "Oh well, there will always be poor people, nothing we can do about that." No, it came after some of Jesus' disciples complained about the woman using really expensive ointment on his feet in symbolic preparation for his burial, and they said something like, "Why are you letting her do that? That ointment could have been sold for a pile of money and given to the poor." Jesus' answer--my interpretation--was, "Look, she is acknowledging her gratitude. Don't tell me about how it could've been sold and the money given to the poor. There are poor people all around you (on the other side of those fences) and YOU'RE the ones who need to respond to their needs."

And Joan, so you did. Thanks for the inspiration.

Geez.
That's why Frost wrote that.
I never liked that phrase as it seems to avoid the chance for neighborly comradery or at least a wave 'hello' now and then -- and everyone's fences seem sky-high already -- but if that's how neighbors are going to take advantage, then thank goodness for those fences.
I agree with Kathy here, may your generosity come back to you a thousand-fold.

Your big heart must get so frustrated by not being able to help these neighbors. Maybe that's the problem with the world today -- too many invisible fences.

Lezlie

Not the best fence either, Joan, is it. Not if they can reach your heart despite the barrier. And they clearly have. Sometimes it seems just a sense of dignity can keep us going, even if it's obvious to everyone, even us, it's just a sense. I can't imagine better neighbors than you and Victor.

Joan: This brought tears to my eyes because I can relate on so many levels. A lot of lives have been ruined by the downward spiral our economy has been over the past decade-plus. A lot of us didn't expect our lives to turn out like this. Thank goodness for people like you. R.

Good fences do make good neighbors but that doesn't mean the fences need to be high and barbed. We use the word "boundaries" now in a way that those from Frost's generation did not and I think it's a useful concept, a reminder not to give more than you can give, comfortably and with no expectation of reward or even appreciation. You're a generous spirit, and boundlessly so (though I'm sure it's not effortless).

There are disabilities that we cannot change with our rhetoric or action. We can offer to make someone more comfortable, but adding our suffering to their suffering accomplishes nothing, except to make more suffering.

It is a worthwhile practice to consider rightness and wisdom of action. I can be amazed at what I find there in myself. Sometimes I give because I want to feel better, sometimes, because I'm afraid not to, sometimes because of clear unambiguous need, sometimes just because someone asks. There is a Jewish practice that I admire, of anonymous giving. If you can give and never tell anyone, not even the recipient, then you've given skillfully.

Well done (on all fronts) and well-written, to boot.

This piece is excellent, in tone, topic and style. So moving, and crisp.

Your good heart shines through. They intuitively know they can trust you. And the trust is solidified by your actions -- kind, caring, consistent and selfless.

They're lucky.

Rated GOLDEN

Andrea

Such a tender line, so fine a thread, these fences, turned sideways that can become bridges. Not always when we want them to be. It is a tough call, when to be kind and when to put up guard. Keep being brave.

Thank you for such kind comments. I hope I didn't give anyone the impression I was patting myself on the back for anything. That's the farthest thing from my mind here.

Greenheron, my uncle was a religious Jew. He gave much of his money to charity. When I was little, I always wondered why he was "anonymous."
It is not just the Jewish religion that abides by this. Unfortunately, sometimes it is not always possible. People ask, and people give. The exchange cannot be hidden...

Christine, I love this: "Such a tender line, so fine a thread, these fences, turned sideways that can become bridges." I will never think of fences quite the same way...

Thanks, Joan, for helping me with reentry to the cyber-atmosphere after a month's absence, through the grace of your wonderful writing and warm heart. That recurring phrase is one helluva mantra.

This makes me sad for all the lost children, even when they are no longer considered children by the world. I am glad they have you in their lives.

Sometimes I fence stuff but I never fence anything in.
You bring out the best in me with posts like this...
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It is interesting how malleable boundaries can be... all with the same person. What is the trigger that makes us put them up or down?

snarkychaser, good question. :)

Beautifully written, Joan. It makes me stop, step back, and pause.

Fine account Joan. I always wonder about that when I see the homeless. Some come from horrific upbringings which puts them at high odds of having a ruined life. Some deal with mental illness. But others must have had a happy carefree spell in their 20s when they never imagined they'd wind up as society's derelicts. One wonders what stories are behind them.

Your posts are always so thoughtful. And you are so generous.

It's so frustrating that you can't save people who aren't ready to be saved. I can only imagine what evangelists go through.

See, this is exactly what I was talking about. Every comment says something I would say (well, except for the bikini chick). You nailed this, as I knew you would. Beautiful.

mental illness sucks

Loved this.

I'm not so sure about good fences always making good neighbors - some people don't even like fences - but yours is the best kind because it has a gate in it. A gate that opens in both directions and never needs locked. You'd be a great neighbor with or without a fence.

Great piece. Some people, even at their lowest, do not want to accept "handouts".

Everyone needs someone ... and those that have you to help them are very lucky indeed, Joan.

You are Bodhisattva and the light of your environment. Your lack of hesitation and actual compassionate attention to the confused and lost ones helps them in ways you may never know...

Thanks to all the night owls who read and left comments last night.

Tink, you are right. I knew I was taking a chance offending my artist neighbor by offering her money, but I had this sense of caring more that she had something to eat. It's a fine line. I have invited her to dinner before, I've invited her *out* to dinner...nada. I think I could write another whole post about pride and charity and receiving, after reading your comment!

If the starving artist is looking for money on the ground, why don't you leave some on the ground where she can find it. She doesn't have to know it came from you. Or A visa gift card in an anonymous fan letter. There are ways to help her without pinging her boundaries.

I ado agree with everyone else- you are one of those neighbors like I have- the kind that everyone wants- and now I can't remember the term I use. I'll be back when it comes to me.

Salt of the Earth.

Linnn, I'm not sure what to do with a compliment like that. But I will treasure it always.

Phyllis, you give me some good ideas. Found money... anonymous gift cards... GREAT!

@Jett, thanks so much for sharing the rest of that Scripture. That part is the key, isn't it?

Joan yes! That rabbi said, according to the Gsr writer, Matthew, this: What you do to the least among us, you do to me.

Hauntingly beautiful, in all its eloquent darkness. Thank you for shedding some light.

Such a brilliant writer. Always moving to read you.

x

I remember your artist neighbor. Her pride is fierce. I would have accepted your cash readily if I really needed it and felt you sincerely wanted me to have it. I would also readily offer money, but I'm much more jealous of my time. People gravitate toward kindness and stability, and clearly you're the nurturing kind. I wish I was better about that.

good for you.....
R..

bravo - uprated

your post is a cautionary tale which should be read by all those advocating legalization of narcotics. No kid should end up like this, irrespective of whether the drugs are legal, illegal, or whatever.

Whoa, what happens...did you ever see the series of films, "7-up" "14-up" etc.? Follows one group of kids as they grow up and grow into things...

Your humility is an asset, Joan. Don't ever, ever be afraid to show your empathy here or where you reside. People need love. Regardless of what others may think, when we give we also receive, and when we receive it we should give it back to others less fortunate than ourselves. When we dismantle fences, corporeal or tangible ones, our are vulnerable to others' reactions. I'm glad yours was rewarded with trust.

CORRECTION: incorporeal or tangible...you are vulnerable...

Have a wonderful day, all.

You and your husband make good neighbors, Joanie H. Thank you for sharing this, and wishing many, many blessings on all of your neighborhood.

Beautifully written. As the economy worsens, I'm afraid the sentiment "I never expected my life to turn out this way" will be heard more often coming from people we never expected to say this. Thank you for sharing.

Great read. Unexpected. Some people give and give; you'll receive it ten-fold one day. I know it.

Not what I expected from title like Ms. Riordan. Many are lucky that you live so nearby. I don't see that giving type attitude very often in my neighborhood...unless I'm giving it! Well...not totally true. There's a few good people, just wished we all helped out each other more.

Congrats on the EP! I read and rated yesterday and have been thinking about your good post since then. Beautifully written from a generous heart. Hard to sometimes know when giving is not healthy and when it is. The heart that cares struggles to understand the distinctions. It's not so easy. You err on the side of generous and that's always an admirable trait. Thank you for this.

A sad portrayal of mental illness or just plain sadness. It's great you're helping but watch the boundaries ... or, fences, as you speak of.

Rita expressed my sentiments. Fascinating subject so well told.

I loved this!

You are very generous Joan. I admire your concern and selfless acts to help these folks. I can identify with the artist in your building. I have been there, but most of all, when I had employment, or had sold a piece, my friend who was in need would not allow me to help him. this was frustrating, but I know the breadth of a complex person's pride...

Thank you to the night owls who read and commented while I slept. I always appreciate it.

No time to read comments. I have an invisible fence with someone I love. When asked about crossing it recently, I admitted its necessity to her. I am hesitant to approach other's fences, so I stay on my side, uheard, and, hopefully, unseen.

pastvoices, I'm glad to see you! The thing is, we all have to learn to be good at giving AND receiving. I honestly believe there are blessings in both.

I don't which I love more, your heart or your writing skills. I'll declare it a tie.

By listening, acknowledging their realities, and showing kindness, you provide the most precious gift of all - hope.

Great post. Great spirit living within you!

Excellent essay...thoughtful, haunting and compassionate.

Your open gate to your heart is a gift to the world. Your neighbors are so lucky to have you.

...and thank goodness you are there.