June 4th, 2012: Life and Death - Sadness and Happiness

It has been a bit since I wrote in my 'diary' of sort. 

Lots of thing have happened since May 1st.

My mother passed away on May 8th. 

It was very sudden, no sign of any health problems.

She just went to sleep and didn't wake up.

She had always stated that she wanted to be cremated and her ashes spread at her family's "estate", her term used for a few hundred acres of tall timber pines and a river running through them.

My dad and I went through with those wishes, scattering her ashes where the river met the sky, another of my mom's own words being used.

It has been a rough trip down the road since. 

Neither of us said much as we drove back home.

There were other things on the plate even without mom passing.

My sister, Ashlie, has decided she would rather continue her party life of drugs and alcohol then clean herself up and be a mother to her five year old daughter, my niece.

My parents have been raising Shera since she was a baby.

Her father was never a glimpse in her eyes and will never be as he died from a drug overdose a few months before Shera was born.

With my mom's passing and my dad's health decreasing, I am becoming Shera's legal guardian.

It's weird going from basically taking care of me and Rex(who might disagree and state that he takes care of ME!) to taking care of others.

Two days ago, my sister decided to call.  I am guessing that the court was in contact with her about the change in situation.

"Why didn't anyone call me? I'm in the will right? I really could use the money!"

That was her biggest worry, if she was still in the will. Not a word asking about her daughter or how dad was.

And we attempted to call her, no response on the only number we have, a cell phone. 

We have no idea where she's at, my last address for her was out in California and that was some P.O. box she had.

I will admit freely that in my life time I went down a "Broken Road" (another of my mom's words) towards a bad life, one that would almost kill me, putting me in the hospital for a drug overdose but I changed my life.

But then, I wanted to change.

We have tried to help my sister, getting her into rehab when she suffered her own 'close calls' but the old addage, 'You have to want to change...' holds true.

She goes through the motions every so often, when it's right for her, then, after a month or so, she is back in the bars, in some city who knows where.

I still love her and if she ever needs me again, I will be there for her but for now, I have my niece to raise and hopefully not mess that up.

But then, I do have Rex to fall on for backup.