A TRUE PARABLE ABOUT A GUY NAMED ‘FITE’:
Century-Old Whiskey Bottles Found in Missouri Man's Attic
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Fite, 40, grew up in St. Joseph, and after working in Kansas City for several years, he returned to settle in his hometown in September 2011. The house he and his wife Emily Fite chose was built in the 1850s and needed work, Fite said.
The cost of installing central A/C and heat was prohibitive, he said, so he got to work in his attic. What first appeared to Fite as a set of strangely shaped insulated pipes turned out to be the secret whiskey stash of one of the house's former owners — or so goes Fite's main theory of how the liquor ended up there.
When they purchased the house, the Fites received a paper abstract detailing the history of its ownership. One of the owners, Fite said, had to give up the house when he was consigned to a sanitarium "for alcohol reasons." Fite hypothesizes that this alcoholic hid the bottles in the attic for some future occasion.
"Unfortunately, he never got the chance," Fite said.
Very Aged Whiskey Found Under Attic Floorboards
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I am the Director of the Department of Mental Health, some of you may know. I try to keep a low profile for my own secret reasons, but …uh, “educated” (as we used to call them) people should know my name. Maybe not. Depends who, and when, you are now.
..................................................................
In my time, everyone is educated.
We implant the booster-chip twenty four hours after your removal from the womb, and you get the whole human story (somewhat edited) in your new fresh pink head.
It has always, in all periods of history, taken kiddos the usual amount of time to assimilate it all (26.7 years) , to put Logos into Practice, as they used to say... these days you end up a good conformist, through a series of conditioning tricks and of course overload of banal information, unless…you are born, or become, mentally ill.
Please: look: I may hold high position in the Government, but that doesn’t mean I believe a word of their bullshit. This is gonna be ironic at times, this little message in a bottle I am writing, so….god, I hope there is still at least a hint of irony allowed in your time. Whoever you are…
I am only hoping it is somehow a better time than ours. We got “peace through technology” and "health through vigilant cleanliness." No diseases left, except athlete's foot and the psychological ones...
No wars last year, no wars the year before, and only one, Turkey vs. the USA, for control of the Sino/Muslim world, three years ago. We grieve our sixteen dead, as Turkey does her seventy. Monuments everywhere, in the heroes’ hometowns.
…………………………………………………………………………
You may be asking: wtf could this guy want to warn us about? Sounds like a paradise.
(I hope acronyms are still popular in the future. It means, “what the fuck”…”fuck” was a bad word in our time. As it had been for, I dunno, I am sketchy about real history, so I will say 600 yrs.?) .Please bear with me.
We use what are called 'computers'. I am assuming you still have some form of computers, though our quantum genetic ones may seem a bit outdated to you. Then again, perhaps you've had an apocalypse and are 'reinventing the wheel' again.
This , obviously ,is being being imprinted into the dna of a dolphin… that is why you are (hopefully) hearing it straight out his mouth.
(shit, don't freak out if you are early in your apocalypse,perhaps reverted to atavistim or polytheism or heaven help me, animism? or just ''superstitious''... Do not make a deity of this dolphin, because it's not gonna say anything more once it stops talking...)
I gotta wrap this up quick. The tech is not as good as I would prefer. I would rather have implanted it into the dna of some protected endangered species, like a bald eagle, knowing that evolution (if protected, that is the sticking point!) will allow its sheltered descendants to somehow turn this program on in the future. But, who the fuck would they tell it to? A birdwatcher? Birdwatchers are notoriously eccentric. ...
I decided on dolphins cuz they seem to like us, for some pathological reason. So maybe we haven't slaughtered them.
I shouldn’t say that they are ''pathological''. Dolphins are extremely cool. The shit they talk about would make Hawking roll in his grave. Not Einstein, though, or Spock.
So: someday maybe the program will be initiated if all the conditions are met. I am ocd, so I wrote in way too many conditions.
My luck, it’ll probably work just as the sun goes supernova, or the moon hits the earth, which they say is gonna be in 300, or 3000, or 30, ooo years. Scientists, arg.
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Ok: my message regarding the mentally “ill” or “disordered” or “special “ or “different” or…shit do I have to go through the whole list of euphemisms?.... the “ deficient” , the “strange” , the “favored”, the “wicked”, the “ blessed” , the , ok, skipping a few centuries here..the “infrequent”…the "others"...etc...
I won’t tell you the name we call them today. It is too sterile, too soapy-obscene.
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Me and a bunch of my ..fellow travelers…have united, and are trying this experiment .
Why?
Because when in 2012 they announced they found the “God Particle”…uh?...well let us say things went downhill from there. For a very very long time.
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MY MESSAGE : TELL, TEACH, INFORM, ENCOURAGE,
THE MENTALLY 'WHATEVER' EUPHEMISM YOU USE TODAY
TO SHUT UP!
STOP THE LEAK!
KEEP YOUR CARDS CAREFULLY CLOSE TO YOUR BREAST.
KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT!
Solidarity in ...silence...
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Comments
but i gave a shout out to spock to reciprocate.
dolphins are fun little critters,
say people i know who have
swum
with um...
they say it is almost as if they are clownish. hm.
also they are very evolved, evolutionarily.
that Intelligent Designer
sure knew his shit,
or
that Randomness sure came up with a cool mammal
out of pure chance and natural selection
or.
oh blah.
Former Mormon gal, then evolutionary biology chick,
or was it developmental? sorry if i offend
(ha, not really. but, yeah...............................................)
uh
bear worshipped long time ago, pig too.
Then the Circe myth connection.
also...alot of gals say, oh HE IS MY HUGGY BEAR..re their men,
who may or
may not
be obese.
chances are they are, tho. dunno why. sugars? wrong kind?
whole gist of Evolution by Accident aka Natural Selection
without
any
hint of teleology.
.............................
why? because!
we were the only accident on the planet, no other species
exhibitis 'Reason'
by our definition, at least..or logic. where is
THE MONEY WE ASK.
o some of us ask WHERE IS TECHNOLOGY?
EVEN OTHERS ask where is PLAY?
uh oh u might be right, re dolphins.
Bly said we are 8 month chimp fetuses, prematurely born
due to our big heads and the narrowness of the u know...uh, hips.
he says we are a Sibling Society.
all adolescent.
as a premature species. see?
why that shy unassuming buncha fellas
would have called it that to begin with.
i suspected the Media.
but this is even better.
and...i guess..god listened..?...cuz he gave HIGGS a damn
good cry. and alot of us.
went back to the sea.
also whales.
blah to
bipedalism. would rather float in a liquid medium of instantaneous
telepathy..
chicken, hush now.
i am honored.
it will be
a new aphorism for the grand new century!
(meaning: get in touch with the bumper sticker atheists and
start a g-damn company so u can afford
to be cryogenically frozen
which i have thought
ought
to be yer fate. i dont know why. out of maliciousness
or kindness. what is the difference, can anyone tell me????)
That I be embedded in a block of cryogenic freeze so my descendents may open their refrigerator and view me amongst the slices of boiled ham, stalks of celery and broccoli, packages of frozen blueberries and strawberries each morning to nod their heads and touch their foreheads fascinates me not at all. The way the world is going I would be viewed as merely another nutritious commodity to be thawed and stuffed with bread and garlic and oregano and egg for a Christmas feast in a starving world. Baked, of course at 350F for one hour per pound.
Old boy, if my carefully laid plan actually comes to fruition,
you will have the honor and the privelege & misfortune the
the philistines would say
to be both!
you will be frozen mainly to give us osers, those who care
about getting smarter and better ,
some pith (not, sir, the punnish type. shame on u)
....
i dunno what the future will be like.
maybe we can
1) freeze your head while
2) be suffering starvation/
while
3) finally have become true nietzschian ubermen.
then,
well, you would make a fine snack til it came to yr brain.
then, we'd need to go.so....very slow..eating yer head.
in other words, what makes an old bastard like u think
he has any ''choice'' in his eternity?
God Particle! Everything is changed for the better now that we
have gotten that last piece of the puzzle .
I mean, i am no 'rocket scientist', but I must assume
that with a god particle in our bag of tools,
anything is possible, including controlling
the next 10 minutes. If I sit very very still.
And don't make too much noise.
And lock the door.
As for your being frozen, I have decided against that.
I am going to freeze Chicken Maan and Art James.
And maybe one more old guy.
I rented a freezer that can fit three heads.
not a very talkative lady. If I could come back as an animal, it would
have to be a dolphin. I would be a very friendly one who would make sure to get caught , live in luxury in a sea park, cared for by lots of cute marine biology grad students, and be trusted enough to get a gig swimming with all the tourists, playfully ''poking'' the really nice ones.
Create a cool new fraternal order.
A group of dedicated men and women who will start accumulating
god particles wherever they can be created, or found just lying around,
putting them in a safe place,
and keeping them under vigilant guard.
Also we will need a secret intelligence organization to infiltrate the Vatican, find out how many "gp's " they got & where they got em.
Then we can plan an operation.
I always wanted to plan an operation, or at least be in the damn room when someone else planned an operation.
JAN; this explains several unsolved incidents in my past that happened in public urinals. Thank u. I never told my parents or my doctors about them, because I really didn’t want to get strapped down for electroshock.
I am impressed by your courage. You are taking quite a risk revealing this stuff to millions of people. Or, at least dozens. Uh, three or four? I don’t think Daisy heard you. She has physics phobia, I fear….
It seems to me what is needed is some kind of exorcism of the Pentagon. I know the hippies tried it back in the 1960’s, but with the god particle properly understood & employed by competent Radical Catholic physicist-priests, perhaps we could pull it off this time?
a good point about the physics of the god particle.
My physicists---the few i trust----tell me that the critical mass problem
can be easily handled by removing belief in the damn boson.
With belief suspended, the field automatically shuts off,
in an analogue to the uncertainty principle...
with the field shut off,
there is obviously no mass, because the Higgs field is
responsible for mass.
So it takes a very tricky mental game of belief, nonbelief, belief, etc...to avoid disaster.
The wrong kind of cape could have a (to us, intangible) mass,
and if you wear a massive cape
flying in a field where mass is forbidden...
well, let's just say even your closest relative couldnt make
the i.d. after your fight faltered.
Best to just fly naked.
only lasts, like, uh, less than a second.
alot less.
like a billionthy millionthy fraction.
then again, what do i know of Their plans?
A pill, good. A new bomb, bad.
I do say!
I say again!
I don't know what to say.
Well I can see I'm going to have to read the companion piece to this - again - before I weigh in with my usual vapid, amorphous, and acutely erroneous analysis.
But in the meantime...
I LOVE dolphins!!! They're delicious. I have a deal with an ancient Japanese soldier who's still fighting WWII... he filets them for me because he thinks dolphins are American spies and I'm Hitler's granddaughter.
Eating dolphin is known to boost intelligence.