I'm a Metaphysical Bad-Ass!
Allow me to introduce my bad-ass self. Roberto Arturo Negro is my name. Metaphysics is my game. I refuse to conform, even to being a radical non-conformist. I am a non-conformist in the way I don't conform to traditional non-conformity. I once pissed in Walden Pond. Henry laughed at the irony although Emerson walked away in disgust.
I play the game of not allowing anyone to realize that I am playing the game of not playing the game. I once yelled, “Fire!” in an empty theater; those not there agreed I had not violated anyone's rights. I alone witnessed the event of no sound made when the tree fell in the forest. You didn't know it was a broad leaf maple, now did you? Poet Goethe declared my soul noble when I told him such things were impossible. I took two full tokes over the line, sweet Jesus.
I'm a Metaphysical Bad-Ass!
I once irritated Gandhi into kicking a puppy just to see if I could. If you are supposed “to love thy neighbor as thy self “ does that mean that if I'm suicidal I am obligated to design specific plots to kill my neighbors? I found the seventh level of heaven to be officious and the incessant harp playing tedious to the ear and soul. I took the cosmic elevator back to the fourth level. It had a better blend.
I am extremely skeptical of skepticism and detected quite a lot when contemplating nothingness. I alone discovered the false beliefs in universal truths. There are no answers blowing in the wind, my friend, although it's pleasant enough on a hot day. If I am reincarnated as a maggot in an anchovy butt, how is my future destiny evaluated? By how much shit I swallow, perhaps? Oh, I see- just like modern religion or politics. I propose that eternity have a few good cosmic commercials as I hear it is quite a long show. My doubts on the concept of infinity have no bounds.
I'm a Metaphysical Bad-Ass!
After deep reflection upon coveting, I became a petty thief and had sex with most of my neighbors' wives. I am a man of action not just thoughts, my simple friends. A good metaphysician rejects the world's religions because of two reasons. One, no god laughs. I guess being a supreme being ain't all that much fun. Buddha was born from a slit in his mother's side, most of the others by virgins. Hence, pulsating, vibrant, active vaginas are advertised as unholy holes. This means that my two favorite things in this material universe : laughter and pulsating vaginas are neglected by the masses which is the reason for my rejection of faith.
My free will has determined that Determinism is bullshit. How could one argue? After all, me making that statement and having that belief was decided long ago. We have free will for we have no choice. I surfed on the quantum waves and it was a wild ride. First, I was here and then I was there. I almost didn't get back. (Can you still read this!?). I read that Confucius’s mother slapped him for being a wise ass. Why was Immanuel so dogmatic about advocating for the critical approach? I strongly caution you about criticizing my belief that revenge is the only legitimate motive for anything. I hate, no despise, extremism of any kind and demand that you do too.
I'm a Metaphysical Bad-Ass!
And don't you forget it for I have personally talked with the one who slapped the guiding hand of creation. Yes, I have seen the second cause in the cosmic link of causes. The third in the chain had alcohol on his/her/its breath. Descartes could never explain to me why he consistently had severe pain in his groin while writing about dualism. I started the Feng Shui warriors who kill and punish for harmony. Saying, “Love is just a four-letter word,” assumes everyone can spell. Having sympathy for the devil is like rooting for the house in a Reno blackjack game. Lucifer is the obvious winner of the cosmic battle between good and evil. Oh, those are just words from Satan. Correct! You are starting to get it.
I can hardly wait for the meek to inherit the earth so I can slap the shit out of them and take what is rightly ordained as mine. After an hour-long drive when I was forced to listen to an entire Alice Cooper album I was convinced that there indeed are evil forces alive in the universe. I tripped Jimmy Page down the Stairway to Heaven to the pleasure of most pagan and Abraham-based gods. Cosmic messages are everywhere. As proof, I read this while pissing in a broken, leaky, Mexican urinal. It was written in broken English above the stall. It said: “ You are holding the future of the universe in your hands.” It is my mission to pass on that knowledge to a dark and ignorant world. I alone thought to bring in a flashlight to Plato's Allegory Cave. It shed enough light to make me realize I already knew enough. One must be spaced out for time travel. Philosophical Logic is a fancy name for Complete Bullshit. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was, of course, a reference to LSD, if I must, again, point out the obvious.
I'm a Metaphysical Bad-Ass!
Here is a list of references for those who want to be a metaphysical bad-ass themselves. I wrote them all with guidance from the divine.
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Insights While Riding On Halley's Comet
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Why Nihilism Gives Me Such Pleasure
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Feng Shui Fighting-The Battle for Harmony
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How to Trick a Mormon When He Comes on Your Porch
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John Locke Made Sense But You Don't
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The Mysterious Twits' Fumbling Attempts at Trying to Explain the Mysterious
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I”ll Make My Own Damn Footprints-Now Let Me Down
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The Amazing Coincidence of a Carl Jung Book Falling On My Head
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The Hidden Meanings Contained in the Children's Tune: The Wheels on the Bus
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If Deja Vu Experiences Aren't Real Then Explain My Ex-Wives
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Is it Bad Karma to Read About Karma?
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What if The Hokey Pokey IS Really What its All About---http://open.salon.com/blog/idahospud44/2010/03/14/what_if_the_hokey_pokey_is_really_what_its_all_about
Do you believe? Gathering material goods will do you no good. Join the mission and allow me to spread my bad-ass message to the world. Send me unmarked twenties to my Pay-Pal account within three days or risk some unreal Bad Karma. I shit you not. What you think I was kidding? Need I repeat?
I'm a Metaphysical Bad-Ass!
It is destiny that you send me money. Be wise.
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Sparky Dashforth
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Comments
"One must be spaced out for time travel"
Did I get the point?
Wait, how come both things I singled out in this post are about drugs? If you can answer that, you will have proven yourself a true Metaphysician.
the meek inheriting so you can slap them and steal all their things and the Alice Cooper hell, especially.
Hope summer is treating you well friend.
Mission--laughter and irreverence can conquer many things
Major---I can and will. Drugs open up the material world to other insights unavailable to our normal conscious mind. Kind of like contact lens that allow views into the mysterious. Alcohol does not work but other substances allow for metaphysical bad-ass moments which are precious pearls. Carry on and stay turned...
Rita--I am losing my mind as the Mariners find new and creative ways to lose each and every night. It is a sad fate my destiny made me become a Mariner fan. I demand a recount or a karma wheel re-spin.
why hell you can do that now just run for office!
This was....well..different and weird and really pretty cool but I still ain't sending you any money :)
In fact, everyone is free--which is why I am always broke. Giving away my insights for fucking nothing--It must be my destiny.
btw-cool poster graphic, got the Maui/Mu/Lemuria thing going on ..;
When Nietzsche said (or was it the other Madman?), "God is Dead!" it seemed so enlighteningly obvious.
But when my 101 Professor went on and on about Heidegger and how METAPHYSICS also had a beginning, and, thus, an end ... I was almost hooked till I got to the Nazi part.
rated- best post here in a while from what I've seen
a gentle man of good faith,
a damn doctor,
healing people
and just here
on OS to
write about
medical matters.
Now i gotta go actually look at your posts.
Why did i think of 'sympathy for the devil' whilst reading this?
ha, skeptical of skepticism, you say. that is indeed the most
mundanely boring philosophical stance
one can take, i think. John Locke
and Descartes are better than that.
Which aint saying much.
Nope, we need a "revaluation of all values"
per our pal Nietzsche. You seem to have a natural flair for it.
the 20 is in the mail.
1) At age 7 or so in Oklahoma somewhere:
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
If it weren't for pussy, my dick would rust.
2) At age 19 after a breakup that ultimately led to a breakdown:
'Tis better to have loved and lost...
(at the top of the stall door, and then, on the bottom)
... then to have spent the rest of your life with the bitch.
(apologies to the ladies for any unintended offenses, I merely quoth the poets of those hallowed stalls.)
Ever notice that the only way to get there is to add a "t" to here? And if you're not sure what the location is, just add a "w" and wonder.
From a learnloon foolspace near you.
r'd
Mercy.
.... pissing in Walden Pond.