iamsurly

iamsurly
Location
Los Angeles, California, USA
Birthday
October 22
Title
ex-heiress
Bio
Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.

MY RECENT POSTS

Iamsurly's Links

MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
FEBRUARY 23, 2014 8:26PM

Feed Me, Seymour!


So, you know, as I always say, I’m all about the live and let live. Judge not lest ye be judged, and all that shit. You know, unless you’re just begging for me to weigh in and judge you. Which, apparently, some of you are. Just when I… Read full post »

JANUARY 28, 2014 10:28AM

Are You Ashamed of Your Anus?

There comes a time in every relationship when you have to have THE TALK. That happened for Dave and I last night. There’s been something bubbling under the surface and I just needed to confront him about it. So I asked him point blank. “Have you looked at my anus lately? Do/… Read full post »

DECEMBER 18, 2013 11:07PM

All I Want For Christmas Is A Vagi-Stool?

Dear Santa:

Hope this letter finds you well and that I’m not too late in submitting my wish list for this holiday season. I know Christmas is only a few days away, but there are still a few shopping days left, and I’m really hoping that you and the Elves might… Read full post »

OCTOBER 26, 2013 12:39PM

Taking Florida Off The Map

You don’t need to read Carl Hiassen or Tim Dorsey to know, for sure, that Florida is one fucked up place. Hanging chads? George Zimmerman? Real Housewives of Miami? Dildo thieves?

 

But that's all just anecdotal evidence of reasons why we should turn Flo… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 8, 2013 8:26PM

Blaming The Dead

We give the dead a lot of credit. Sometimes more credit than they deserve. We act as though, even dead, they are present and passing judgement on our every move and utterance.

We are forever putting words in their mouths.

“If your grandmother was alive she would say…”

“Dear ARead full post »

JUNE 30, 2013 8:04PM

Are You a Chaturbartor? (NSFW)

You and I both know you shouldn’t be reading my blog at work. I don’t know why I always have to remind you of that. But now we can both rest assured that you’ve been warned that this post isn’t safe for the workplace. Moving on…

Everybody’s always askin’ me… Read full post »

APRIL 14, 2013 2:30PM

Birds 'n' Bees - Surly Style

So. Yeah. It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been busy. I have a life. You have a life. I thought we were both going along swimmingly. Well, that is until this week. Apparently some of you need me to explain the facts of life to you.

This post is flat out NSFW – which means don’t fuckin’ look at it at work. Some of these links might just get your ass in all kinds of trouble.

Yeah. I can see the look of confusion on your face. Mixed with a small amount of curiosity and revulsion. Lookit!… Read full post »


ronburgundymilk

Yeah. Like you’ve never done it. Liar. Whatever.

We all have our dark little secrets. Things we’d rather polite people not know about us. Things we do that we think other people don’t notice. How many times have you seen some guy scratch his ass and follow up

Read full post »

Y’all know I’m not a vain woman. Lord, vanity got kicked to the kerb about the same time my eyebrows fell out. You can’t think you’re all that when you don’t have an eyebrow to raise in disdain at lesser mortals. Not that I don’t think I’m better than you &rs… Read full post »

DECEMBER 22, 2012 10:09PM

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot

You'd probably not be surprised to discover that I don't have a lot of friends. I mean sure, I have friends. I'm not The Cipher in the Snow by any means. I have 331 friends of Facebook at last count. What I don't have are a lot of good close lifelong… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 18, 2012 1:02PM

Stop Stealing My Youth

Yeah. I know you're thinking "We already heard about Hostess, Surly." Bully for you. I'm not the town crier. I'm not here to tell you that Hostess is going bankrupt, or to debate whether or not the Twinkie is really dead. Sure, sure. Someone will probably buy it,/… Read full post »

 

Since we've already established I'm all good with sex, sexy, and sexually deviant, we'll skip past the part where I clarify my street cred on the subject and that I'm all about the live and let live, and get to the heart of the matter.… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 20, 2012 10:47AM

Please Don't Ask Me To Shower With You

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about you and me getting wet and naked. Lord knows no one wants to see that happen. And it's not that I'm worried about one of us dropping the soap, although Dave does have some hesitation and would prefer if I… Read full post »

 (Author's note: This post was originally posted on 09/09/2009. It is being reposted on the anniversary of my sister's passing.)

parrishnme_n

 Parrish 'n' Me

 As I have mentioned in previous posts, my sister Parrish passed away from brain cancer two years ago.  Two years ago today i… Read full post »

AUGUST 26, 2012 1:27PM

Marry Well & Often

Your aunt and I would like to give you a gift for the ages. "Marry well and often." You heard it here first.

In October of 1989 my favourite uncle, Corb, wrote me a letter than included this sage wisdom. Seventeen years later he would attend my first wedding to my… Read full post »

AUGUST 8, 2012 10:03AM

Oops! I Did It Again

I woke up Sunday morning feeling a little bit more than worse for wear. Word to those who live at sea level - drinking at high altitudes gives you a bitch of a hangover. Normally I can drink like the girl from good Irish stock that I am, but I've been… Read full post »

Okay. So I'm not sporting a lot of street cred on the food blogger front. I know this. My recipe card collection has a small following of fans who get my romance with offensive food photography. Many of them, however, may be surprised to discover that even with my love for… Read full post »

JUNE 16, 2012 10:01PM

When Dad Isn't Dear

Y'all know I'm not one for the cheesy Hallmark holidays. My mother has become accustomed to being denied a bouquet of flowers and a Whitman's Sampler on Mother's Day, and well, when refer to your father as Fuck Face, Father's Day is pretty much a no brainer. While I wouldn't mindRead full post »

MAY 21, 2012 9:20AM

When the Dead Won't Stay Dead

Um. You know, I can hear you. You're saying to yourself "Good God she's going to go on about her dead sister again. Yeah, yeah, we know already. You have a sister and she's dead. That doesn't make you special. This isn't a meme that's going to go viral Surly. Give… Read full post »

MAY 16, 2012 9:25AM

Playing The Hand You're Dealt

I don't know much about playing cards. I can play a mean game of Go Fish!, but for the most part the extent of my knowledge and experience playing card games is limited to pushing buttons on a video poker machine. However, it should be noted that I did pay for… Read full post »

Okay. So really. I just don't get it. I don't get this whole Kardashian thing. I really don't. I've tried to watch their shows, but for the life of me I can't find a single redeeming thing about them. They are forever bickering, whinging, or talking absolute drivel. That is… Read full post »

APRIL 20, 2012 9:21AM

Accidents Will Happen

So the other night Dave and I went to see Elvis Costello perform. This was a much awaited and anticipated night out. After all it was Elvis, the man who Dave fully understands I will leave his sorry ass for at the drop of a guitar pick. There's just… Read full post »

APRIL 13, 2012 10:02AM

It's Official. I'm An Adult

Years ago my cousin Daniela would say "You're such an adult!" with the same accusatory tone that you'd say "You're such an asshole!" Being an adult was the worst possible thing of which she could conceive. For the most part I would have to agree with her. Being an adult… Read full post »

APRIL 5, 2012 10:27AM

Royal Obsession

So, as most of y'all know I work from home. No, I'm not some middle aged guy in my underwear doing telemarketing out of my mother's basement you smart ass. I work in a nice home office in my pajamas and fuzzy slippers with labretards snoring at my feet. To give… Read full post »