Los Angeles, California, USA
October 22
Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.


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SEPTEMBER 18, 2009 12:31PM

Can I Get A Vibrator With My Public Option?

Rate: 60 Flag

Before you get your knickers in a twist, let me make a few points of clarification first.

1. If you have Erectile Dysfunction, I am not mocking you.  That totally sucks.  Although I don't have a penis and can't imagine what it would be like to discover it doesn't work properly, I did have one weird sexual experience involving cocaine and numb nether region for which  I prayed, for what seemed like an eternity, that I  would get sensation back. 

2. It would appear that I am a card carrying socialist because I want some kind of public option.

 Having said that....

 Last night I couldn't sleep and found myself watching some late night Canadian drama on an obscure satellite channel.  About every 10 minutes the program aired these mini infomercials - not the half hour long sales pitches but short 2 minute product pitch and testimonials.  One of these was for the Pos-T-Vac, a handy battery operated therapy for Erectile Dysfunction.



 Pos-T-Vac                                              Penis Pump

Now my problem with this little infomercial isn't the fact that the testimonials are done by a bunch of guys who I swear I've seen on To Catch a Predator specials, or the fact that they try to pass off a penis pump, which you can buy at any sex toy or novelty shop ( someone gave my husband an Austin Powers version as a gag gift years ago) as a medical tool by packaging it in a black bag eerily similar to a vintage doctor's bad.  No, what gets me is that they offer to bill Medicare.


 Medicare? Really? Is this where my tax dollars are getting spent? Funding penis pumps?  



The program, Da Vinci's City Hall for those of you who must know, resumes and about 10 minutes later it's infomercial time again.  This time it is for the Trojan Vibrating Touch.  Okay, so here's a product I can get behind.  I mean, what girl doesn't want a pocket rocket? However, during the entire commercial there is no mention of being able to bill Medicare for this revolutionary tool.

 What the fuck? Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world are unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not an overwhelming medical condition? Do we not deserve a little government funding for our own release?  In the last century doctors regularly offered women vibratory orgasms in their offices to cure their hysteria.  A woman's need to get off is a medical condition with decades worth of antiquated research to back it up. I can tell you if you get me close and don't get me off I tend to get pretty hysterical.

I want my equal rights.  I want my government funded sex toys.  And also while they are at it, I'd like them to bring back government cheese and pay for my tampons.

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Ah yes . . . government cheese . . . brings back memories (none of them sexy).
Now, we're getting somewhere! xox
The best orgasm I gave my ex-wife was when I seductively signed the divorce papers. rAted!
Absolutely, I just fired off an e-mail to my congressmen and demanded that vibrators be covered by medicare or whatever public health plan that makes it out of there. There is a downside, why should a partner work to give their opposite an orgasm when the government is going to do it for them?
I swear I was FIRST but got sidetracked by a UPS delivery. But I have to take you to task on something here, iam.
"Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world is unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not a overwhelming medical condition?"
Where did you find THAT statistic? It's more like 85%.
*Drags self off floor, still snorting with laughter*

Well, Surly, you've done it again. There's going to be a permanent dent on my office floor from where I fall out of my chair laughing.
Isn't that the pubic option?
{laughing at Bill Beck's comment}

I expect to see you holding a sign at a future protest.
You have 2 hands--use them.
My counter post: Can I Get A Hooker With My Public Option?

So yeah, I'm for yours if you're for mine :D (Also, I'll show mine if you...)
Don't be sending blog whoring emails to me. That being said...I want the drag queens! Please send to Arkansas, ASAP. ;-D
(you can whore anytime to me, precious) but I still want the queens!
ep and cover, oh my! congrats you surly girl, you!
And viagra is covered.... how long did it get insurance companies to cover pap smears and mammograms?

Give me a break!
Trojan should do a cross promotion with the latest George Clooney movie.
Just sent e-mail off to my congressman..... Aaron Schock, Mr. GQ!!!
"if you get me close and don't get me off I tend to get pretty hysterical"
snort!! :D
"order for yourself or for a gift" sure will make the holidays much more fun...
Ha! Awesome post surly, we should all march on Washington to demand our Pubic Option!
I could offer to bill Medicare too, it doesn't mean they will pay for it. I seriously doubt they fund any kind of sexual dysfunction, regardless of the vast number of congressmen suffering from it. After all, most of them were also from old money, so their family trees don't fork and they can only get turned on by siblings or livestock.
I think General Brady has a valid point. Of course they say that right wing women enjoy sex more than left wing women. I don't know if this is because they know little about sex or that they're just not doing it right.
I wish I could bump and grind, rather rate this about 200 more times. That's how good i feel.
Ya know, those finger vibes are nice for the back, seriously.
...what was that website address again for the TTouch?
Now I'm curious. I've never seen one'a them things. I wonder if they work. The pump, that is, I know the vibrator works. And isn't that the critical issue, providing health care that really works? I wonder if there's a way to bill the vibrator as medical equipment, rehab or something.
Those penis pumps sure are small.
Not to poke fun, I was talking to a cousin who is the medical field and the conversation came around to E.D.. Hey it was a family reunion and were were drinking what can I say. Anyway I was joking about the Austin Power's penis pump and with all seriousness he informed me that the pump and ring was still the most effective treatment for the condition. I guess I have to take his word for it, but at any rate if it does help someone cope with the problem it should be covered by medicare. Also, I don't think treating a problem is just one sided since the other side of the relationship suffers as well.

Now should vibrators be covered? I guess if there is a problem with achieving an orgasm (is there orgasm dysfunction) then it should be covered as well. All the doctor would have to do is write a prescription which you take to your local toy store.
"What the fuck? Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world are unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not an overwhelming medical condition?"

That's why I love my BOB... Battery-Operated Boyfriend... always reliable (as long as he has batteries), always is hard, always performs, gives me terrific pleasure, doesn't have to smoke a cigarette after, can't get me pregnant by accident, can't give me diseases, I don't have to buy condoms, isn't selfish, doesn't want me to continually blow him while I can't get mine, doesn't show me disinterest, doesn't make me get into weird positions even when it hurts, lasts more than a minute, and DOESN'T fall asleep on me once he's done (which... he's never done, as long as I keep him supplied in batteries)!

La di da di da....
vibrating cheese!

shall i send an application form for the socialist worker's party? back in the 70's male swp members knew how to please women, and were eager to do so as a matter of party solidarity.

i'm not sure they're still in business though, so many women decided they liked shiny things and a regular income and were willing to give up on having great sex as well.

you are just describing the end result of the triumph of capitalism.
Yeah, there is a such thing as orgasm dysfunction... the dysfunctional ability of a man to provide one! I've had ONE in my life with a man. I'm sure it happened by accident somehow!
Oh, and I think vibrating and having vibrator-induced orgasms should be covered by insurance... under emotional therapy... because I'm in complete bliss when I'm in the act!
Hilarious and great post.. Gee that doesn't seem fair that we can't file ours under medicare. what is wrong with that picture?
If you get the vibrator covered, I'm sending them a bill for my shower handheld. Let me know. :-D
Absolutely. Let's get rid of some antiquated ideas about sexuality while we're at it. I demand equal access to government funded sex toys. (But the sex itself, I think I'll keep privatized, thanks.)

Maybe if the tea-baggers jacked off with a different body part than their mouths, they'd be mellower, less inclined to believe BS, and therefore, cease to be tea-baggers. (It's a theory, anyway, bear with me.)

I sense a new movement could arise; "Copulating for American Sanity."
Someone's probably already mentioned this in Comments, but many health care plans cover Viagra but not birth control. It's drawn complaints, but I think that inequity still is common. What's sauce for the gander isn't always good for the goose.

But back to what you wrote...this may be my new favorite line from OS blogs:

"Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world are unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not an overwhelming medical condition?"
Ha! I go to work and the lot of you spend the day talking dirty on my blog!

Owl_Says_Who - paired with the right wine I bet we could make it sexy!
Robin - I knew you'd be on my side.
Chuck - :O
bobbot - Thanks brother!
O'Really - I stand corrected, and YOU would know.
AshKW - You can use a vibrator at your desk you know.
Bill Beck - You're on the right track.
WalkAwayHappy - hungry?
spotted_mind - One of my hands is behind my back with my finger's crossed.
Harry - I always feel like I'm playing your straight man/woman.
Fab - I should have known you'd go for the drag queen option.
MiddleAgedWomanBlogging - he's kinda hot in a conservative way.
stim - you should be in Hollywood.
Julie - :D
General - Sweet Jesus is right! Did ya notice I watch them there Canadians on TV? ;)
bluesurly - can I get on your Christmas list?
Mary-Anndroid - 1 Million Woman Pubic Army?
Whoreville Bedenknocker - damn it... I just can't get past the fit of giggles over your name.
Michael - The General is ALWAYS right.
micaelpeace - Thanks. Did you get the cheese snack issue sorted out yet?
aim - You have the plugged in version on don't you?
LadyMiko- I need way more pressure than that on my back... like 185lb Swedish man with really strong hands.
Sirenta Lake - I hear they do... but they look kinda scary.
incandescent - I used to... then I met my husband... poor bastard.
MTodd - I wanna come to your family reunions they sound like fun.
La Capitiana13 - you're a happy little girl today aren't you?
nofrillsmonkey - amen.
al loomis - I like shiny things... like shiny vibrators ;)
fireeyes24 - Exactly!
femme forte - oooohhh... whodathunk of Home Depot as a sex toy mega store!
Shiral - I think we should put you on the organizing committee for the march!
Silkstone - Thank you very much...

I was reading that one post by the Junkies where pretty much being a woman is a pre-existing condition it's ridiculous.
You tell 'em, Surly girl!
I'm wondering if I can get a five fingered discount....
Yes, surly... I'm a happy little girl today... thought about my BOB while I wrote my comments! He's so reliable and honest!

A male friend once gave me a mega pack of batteries as a gift!!!
Very funny! However,
Ladies, don't waste your money. The pocket rocket doesn't work!
Gentlemen, we actually will receive it anyway you can give it. We love our men! Lesbian couples have no need for any comment. they had it figured out long ago!
I want a prescription for a man, then!
If men got pregnant, abortion would not be an issue. If men got breast cancer ( some do) there would be a cure and if men could type they would be computer programmers not typists.
Buffy: when I was a teengaer, I used to use the phrase "Five-fingered-discount" as a clever (or, so I thought) euphemism for masturbation. (Was that what you were thinking of?) I also used to refer to intercourse as "conjugation" (referring to "conjugal relations.") Oh...I was a clever, clever Word Girl, before the Blog Era...
Why tampons have never been tax deductible is beyond me. But I guess I'm strange that way.
Viagra, pumps, God knows what else for the pleasure of man BUT, God forbid one dollar go to pay for contraception or double God forbid an abortion.

There is a sincere disconnect here. Hello?
for the record: birth control should be covered by insurance; if penis pumps are, so should vibrators be.

now, if it's true that 75% - 85% of men don't seem to know how or have interest in getting a woman off, i would postulate - drawing on my own not inconsiderable 35 year experience as a sexually active male - a similar percentage of women don't seem to know how or have interest in giving a good blowjob.

but, seriously, as mick jagger once asked, 'brothers and sisters, why are we fighting? who's fighting and what for?' john lennon had it right, the best sex prescription ever: 'come together.'
you're bustin' me up, girl!
I put this up on facebook.... here is what a friend of mine replied. (He's a doctor! LOL)

Hey, it's all in the package and marketing! Label it a "medical device" back it up with published, preferably large study (probably not hard to recruit subjects) and in the instruction manual include lots of obscure medical-sounding warnings and caveats. In Blue states stress its usefulness in enriching women's personal lives and as a drug-free way of dealing with boredom and anxiety. In Red states discreetly tout its family value virtues in helping women find fulfillment in even the most stultifying freedom-free environments. Trojan also should set up a subsidiary titled something like "Feminine Health and Family Research Corporation" to sell it. That ought to get Medicare to pay for it!
Haven't you heard? 2/3 of the "waste" Obama found in Medicare was pump-related. Just cutting out the pump will free up enough funds to provide health insurance to everyone in Arkansas. Yes, I too wish the pocket rocket were covered, but these are dark times, my dear. Very dark.
That Trojan commercial, I believe, should win best of something for some award, and the one older lady should be raised to the ceiling as best actress ever.

:) And yes, you should be able to get a vibrator with your public option!!

We have a great time until somebody says "what do you mean by that" and then all hell breaks loose.
I agree with you, girl!

"In the last century doctors regularly offered women vibratory orgasms in their offices to cure their hysteria."
Where does the time go?
Funny! For the record, a lot of medical supply distributers offer to bill Medicare. The Scooter Store, this pump, blood sugar monitor manufactuers and gazillions of others. Sometimes they are approved and many other times they are not but you still owe the money. It's just a way to get seniors into a billing cycle.
and another thing... often infertility drugs are not covered by insurance... If you are going to help the performance, you may as well help those who want it to get results!
Gawd, I am so late in my comments, there's nothing clever left to say. (Love it!)
Brilliant! I am surly too! Love! Rated!
Love it...love it...and rated!
Idle hands are the Devil's playthings and government cheese is made with the spleens of the elderly. Or something.
This is BRILLIANT! I am tempted to bring this into my sexual psychology class tomorrow!
Isn't it Gloria Steineim that wrote about if men could menstruate? This concept is right up there! Haha, WONDERFUL!
First I was disturbed by the whole tire swing image at :05 of the video then the guy at 1:03-1:07 with the whole be all you can be sales pitch just outright frightened me..I agree I think he was on the to catch a predator lol so I can sell cockrings and bill them to medicare by calling them a medical device... hmm i feel a stroke of genius cumming on (pun intended)
WHOA! I just followed your link to the website to check out the cost...$550???? you can get a freaking penis pump on adam and eve dot com for about $40 ...jeez
*gathering the salt that piled up on the floor after I laughed so hard, I cried*

But, wait, you make some serious points here, sista. I want some cheese, too, the government kind. And I want to know if there are still some of those orgasm offices where I could come out shouting, a la Ashford & Simpson: FOUND A CURE!
Waaaay too many good comments already. So I'll just say, bravo and I'll be sure to call my congress-person. Loved this.
Wow, sounds like good! It really call revolutionary tool for that Vibrating Trojan Touch. Its nice to see that commercial.

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