When I was about nine my cousin Mary taught me how to shave my legs. She was very clear about the fact that you only needed to shave the front of your legs, because no one was going to see the hair on the back. Our mothers had a good old laugh over their wine spritzers as we paraded about with our grown-up freshly shaved shins. This was the first of the very hard lessons in feminine hygiene and body hair maintenance that I was to learn over the years.
When I was in ninth grade I transferred from an all-girl school where we had to wear pretty pastel uniforms to a public junior high school where I really went wild. I wore crazy outfits including a skirt made out of the same silver material as a safety blanket. I also went boy crazy and "went with" a number of barely pubescent boys. One night at a "get together" (read make-out party) I was on the beach necking with my then steady, Jerry, when I suggested that maybe he should shave his barely there mustache. To wit he responded "I'll shave mine as soon as you shave yours!" And so commenced my foray into facial hair bleach and depilatories.
As I said, I was, for 1980, pretty damn cutting edge and willing to take some serious fashion risks. The summer after my ninth grade year I spent at the beach with my beau, Jim, and sported a number of questionably fashionable bathing suits. Including a variation of the Elon suit Cheryl Tiegs wore in Sports Illustrated - only in mine, you couldn't see my nipples.
Cheryl Tiegs, ©Sports Illustrated, 1978
I loved the swimsuit and remember strolling onto the beach wearing it with what can only be described as a "take that bitches!" expression on my face. I sauntered up to my beau and his brother, John, who were waxing their surfboards and getting ready to hit the waves. It was John who spoke first, with more than a slight snicker in his tone. "Shit! You're hairier than a fucking gorilla!" You see, no one had bothered to mention to me that women, and burgeoning hot beach babes in particular, were supposed to shave their bikini line. Greetings were then said to razor rash, ingrown pubic hairs, and Nair.
When I went to college in Europe I was introduced to waxing. I had a hard time diving in full bore to the idea of having someone pour hot wax on my legs only to have it yanked back off with small parts of my personage attached to it, but I figured I would give it a shot. If the likes of Princess Stephanie could do it, so too, could I. For the first few years I was only getting my legs waxed and reveled at the fact that once waxed I could pretty much go for a month without having to worry about leg hair. This is bliss when you're inherently lazy. Eventually I sucked it up and started getting my armpits and upper lip waxed as well. Bizarrely enough, I got so used to it over the years that I actually managed to nap on the table during some of the procedures. However, I always drew the line at my bikini line. Partly because it seemed weird to have an unattractive Eastern European woman fumbling around in my nether regions, partly because I lived in a cold climate and wasn't wearing bathing suits all that often, and partly because I wasn't dating and no one was going to see.
At some point in my late twenties I finally decided to give it a go. In the beginning I went with a strictly basic bikini wax, just taking off the hair that would show outside of my knickers. Over the years I got a bit more daring and worked my way up to the Pseudo Playboy - which removes most, but not all, of the hair. Eventually I sucked it up and went all the way with a full Playboy wax. And let me tell ya - it hurt like a bitch and left me looking like an out of work porn star. You don't know pain and humiliation until you've been on all fours with a woman slathering hot wax in your crack and trying to make small talk about your life as she rips every last hair out of your ass.
Oddly enough, I kept going back. Despite the pain and degradation, I liked being hair free - and my husband didn't mind it either. However, for me, there was still yet another hairy hygiene lesson to be learned. Isn't there always?
The place where I went for my bikini waxes is a very popular venue for such beauty treatments and there is a strong celebrity clientele. Lots of famous film stars and twice as many porn stars are regularly on the table laying spread eagle or hunched on all fours getting their grooming done. It was not until I was diagnosed with herpes that it dawned upon me that the dominatrix of hot wax had not, to my recollection, worn latex gloves during any of my torture sessions. I was always so sidetracked by the hot wax being poured on my crotch and the hairs being ripped from their follicles to register this rather glaring disregard for hygiene common sense! Lemme just go on record, again, as saying that I'm pretty sure my herpes belong to a porn star, and I think I'm good in saying that I'm at Ron Jeremy Factor 1. (I'm also at Kevin Bacon Factor 1 for those of you who are keeping score.)
Flicker® Classic
Since my diagnosis eight years ago, I've given up my waxing fetish and gone back to the old school Flicker razor and shaving cream and let my pubic hair grow back. And while I do shave my bikini line, I tend to get a bit lax during the winter months. I'm just lucky that my husband loves me, herpes, hair and all.
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Comments
I am sorry about the herpes... but it sounds like you're in good hands.
Try hypo-thyroidism - it's a great dipilation.
P.S. Glad plastic wrap is also your friend, ladies. Play safely. ;)
again.
rated
Rated
Rated
You got that right!
Rated. ;)
Here I thought that was the fun part.
Thanks for making me glad to be a man - yet again.
You don't have to answer that ;)
If you shave off the hair, you look like a 12 year old. Why would a 12 year old turn me on or make me what to do anything down there.
Now if your bush is a forest you can do some selective logging, but leave the woods. You never know what little animal will find a home in there.
I've only done a bikini wax - and while I've cringed a little at what seems not so sanitary - there really isn't much skin to skin contact with the waxer. Unless your lady is doing it different....
Where I've gone they use a sick to smear the wax on and then put a clothe on pull up the hair. There may be a little uh pulling to smooth out the skin but not on the delicate parts more on the thigh.
You might not want to think about it but it might be from your husband. He may just never have had a serious outbreak and wasn't aware that he carried the virus. Also, quite possible is that he had a cold sore that he wasn't aware of and passed it to you genitally. Used to be conventional wisdom that the viruses 1 - associated with oral and 2 associated with genital herpes - would not jump the line if you will. But that is no longer true. My gyno joked that they call genital outbreaks of herpes 1 'married herpes'.
If you haven't guessed yet, I bring this up from painful personal experience.
Why it matters: if he did expose you he may not be aware and he should be on the lookout if he has any recurrent breakouts so they can be controlled and most expecially so you don't flare eachother up. If he doens't recall having a coldsore or is not sure a blood test can determine if he has the virus.
Another reason it could matter is simply emotional: he trusts that you got it from the waxing but may have a little doubt in the back of his mind as to the truth. I went through this (thinking intially I must have had a dormant case that flared up but we couldn't figure out why. When we figureed it out - we understood that he like many (otherwise very intelligent and very informed) people had had a cold sore but didn't associate it with the herpes virus and certainly had no idea it could be passed on as genital herpes. And not after we had been together for years without it happening then all of a sudden - seemingly out of nowhere....
(There is also the slim but real posibility you have been carrying the virus and never noticed - either never had a serious outbreak or thought it was something else but for some reason this waxing unlike others helped to trigger a bigger outbreak.)
It is a mysterious and strange virus. Knowledge can help mitigate that just a bit. I am sharing at the risk of TMI in hopes this might help you or others.
And by the way - the story either way is very well told and humorous.
Rated!
And I don't really find it painful. I've fallen asleep many times. Sometimes, it's the most relaxing part of the day.
I love how it feels, I like how it looks, and I like not having to shave all the time.
The Wanderer - Damn straight.
AnniThyme- I'm thinkin' the lettering should be bedazzled, no?
emma peel - Perhaps we should for am Former Gorilla Girls band?
tequilaanddonuts - Thank you for the title suggestion!
Jay Busse - Waxing as a national past time?
The BarkingLot4 - I envy you. Personally I still spend so much on tampons I think they should subsidized by the government. Damn it - does that make me a socialist?
Mad Mother - They suspected I had that when my eyebrows started falling out. But since I'm still trimming the hedge, it's unlikely.
Safe_Bet - are you emailing Martha Stewart with the Good Things tip or am I?
Athena - I've thought about the lasers but I'm a wee bit wary of firing Star Trek weapons at my sacred spot!
Bobbot - it's theme week for me.
O'Really - au naturel eh?
JK - I'm rather fond of him. Not to mention he doesn't mind me tellin' the whole world his bizness ;)
OESheepdog - I've not yet given in to my doctor's recommendation that I have that done. I had a barium enema once years ago, and that was traumatic enough.
Duaneart - I'm here for ya.
Owl_Says_Who - um... yeah.
mamoore - Yes, yes they do. They are also on TV from time to time, usually around Valentine's day talking about the romance of the thing and tossing around the odd Hollywood starlet's name.
femme forte - PRECISELY!
patricia k - yeah, the audience thing takes a bit of getting used to. And trust me, I'm not really an exhibitionist.
deepcleav.31 - I've always thought you've got to have a lot of courage to do it for a living. I can't imagine it is always a pretty job.
Kind of Blue - I do know that David Beckham gets a "Back, Sack, and Crack" wax regularly. So, ya know, you have options.
Kathy Riordan and Rickety Six - I did find a website where you can still order them. Not sure if they are new or they found them in a warehouse that was abandoned in 1978.
Elise Weiner - That's part of the fun ;)
white and black - ha!
John Blumenthal - So, um, you were working on the articles that all the boys like to read?
Spin Doctor - it certainly hasn't helped my cheery disposition.
Redstocking Grandma - It still is ;)
nofrillsmonkey - they were all pretty priceless - especially the girl they were translating for.
Delia - I've had the odd bruise as well... this isn't a delicate procedure.
Just Juli - F That is right!
David Decker - Thank you!
ibeg2df - shaving the whole pubic region, I think, is even worse. Every time I've tried it - it itches like a mother fucker when it grows back.
WriterVixen - nope, actually that happened in high school - which was the first time I shaved!
Cap'n - We too are grateful you are a man. I so don't think you could pull off an A-line skirt and 4 inch heels.
icemilkcoffee - Yup, I fully believe that's where it came from.
Catnlion - that's a valid point you make. It's actually more about the sense of being hairless and the comfort that involves than the look - or at least is was for me. I got to like the "clean" feeling.
zumalicious - You sound like Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta in my head when I read that ;)
Steve Blevins - yes, yes you are.
Silkstone - I tried one of those once, I felt like I was putting my leg in a weed whacker. I also tried that sugaring stuff - Nads - that they used to sell on late night TV - it didn't really work and the jar managed to attract so many ants I had to fumigate for weeks.
sweetfeet - I'm with ya sister.
Lady Miko - actually not waxing the rear is the thing I miss the most. But I'm afraid of causing a flare-up by doing it... so I go without :(
Dana - In the case of the place I went there's a lot more hands on than perhaps in other places. The paper was changed each time. However, there was powdering and lotion applied before and after by hand, without latex gloves. And while washing your hands is helpful, it doesn't actually guarantee that you're not going to share the virus with someone else - unless you really scrub up like a surgeon - and my waxer was not. The reality is that in this day and age if you're going to be putting your hands in multiple people's crotches every day latex gloves should be used - for your own safety if not for theirs. If my gyno does it, my esthetician should to, at least that's what I think.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
Mean boy who said that to you. Can't believe the wax tech didn't wear gloves! what was she thinking?
I guess I am "lucky" to be almost hairless in this way but when I do grow a hair it's sure to be a dumbass and get stuck or somehow screwed up before reaching the light of day.
it has to do with double-dipping, which is against the law in New York State, and I'll betcha if you look at CA law, it's the same.
here's the deal:
your waxer is SUPPOSED to use a fresh stick (or tongue depressor) for each and every dip into the wax. Not one per person, but a new one every time she goes to lay another strip of pain on your nether regions. you see, the wax, while scalding hot, is NOT hot enough to be sanitary and kill the germs that bring you gifts like herpes and other joyous STDs. you'd burn the flesh off your cootch if it was that hot.
I'm a HUUUGE fan of the Brazilian wax, but have never seen this done anywhere I've gone. I stopped going when I got a general nether infection. next time I go (and I will, despite this appalling knowledge), I'm gonna hit the J Sisters, probably the most famous purveyors of the Brazilian wax in the US. my guess is that they'll do it right. plus, folks have told me they stick to the rules.
it hurts like a mofo, but gawd, I love the results!
Rrrrrrrrrrated!
Danni - You're lucky to not have that much hair! My sister had a huge problem with crazy growing hairs. She had one once that was so ingrown that it was, I swear, over a foot long when she finally got it yanked out!
Isn't there a way to permanently stop hair growth to a specified area? I would love to do that
When I see a woman who doesn't remove her body hair, it's far from a turn-off. It's not some fetishistic turn-on, either. It IS attractive, though, in that it tells me this woman has probably given thought to those arbitrary social standards and said "not for me."
Because somehow hair becomes indicative of something else. Sometimes it means something to us and sometimes it doesn't, depending on where we are in our lives.
I remember a time when I didn't shave at all. For several years. I kinda miss those days - life was easier. I just said fuck it.
Could you imagine this subject in the hands of the late lamented Dr. Amy? She would have swung for the fences: "I Got Herpes From My Ass-Waxing!"
Nothing in porn is a bigger turn-off than all the boring hairlessness. Guys who get turned on by such should have to register as child molesters.
All hairless pudenda look alike. Au naturel, in its near-infinite variety of shape and feel is the only way to go. Hooray for cornsilk, hooray for brillo, hooray for everything in between!
And hooray for you.
Jesus H Christ, all that effort you went through sounds painful. And the herpes? How'd you keep yourself from burning the friggin place down?
Man, this shit makes me glad I'm a man. At least the hairy crotch is hidden most times.
Unlike most of the men here, I have shaved my, uh, you know...I had a girlfriend that liked it. She shaved so I figured fair is fair. But, god, does it itch when it grows out!
i'm 30.
i'm married.
i have a 3 year old son and also work full-time.
if i pluck my eyebrows and shave up to my knees, it's an event.