Walk carefully, make no missteps, no room for error. Guard your tongue, press your lips together, plan ahead what you will say or do. I seem to have forgotten the most basic lessons of childhood. Will I re-learn my name in time?
Time is the enemy, so much waiting for the time to come. Will I always be waiting for time to pass? Working toward the future, each moment is the beginning of the endless now. Winter scratches its way in, it’s the same as summer, only colder and the walls close in. More time for crying.
Why fear the future if you’ve already lived through the past? I have been alone and shivering with the October chill for days now. Or maybe forever, it doesn’t matter anyway, God I am cold. Summer is spent preparing for winter, winter spent longing for summer. Days turn into years and it looks like time was never a trusted friend.
It will be a long time until summer comes and I am warm. Time is so unkind. It doesn’t matter, I will have to wait until winter passes. Patience is said to be a virtue. I used to be good at shivering in silence, hiding myself, waiting out the cold. I was once a virtuous girl. Maybe with time I will learn again.