I am a real redhead, and should probably never have moved to the Mohave Desert, but there, it's done.

My dermatologist has frozen many keratoses and quick-before-they-metamorphose nevi off my nose, arms, neck and shoulders in the last few years; it hurts like fuck for a few minutes, but it's always been quick and they've always been non-cancerous.

About 18 months ago, I started developing something I laughingly referred to as Satan's Love Bite. On the upper, outer quadrant of my left breast, a mole started to grow. And grow.

Meantime, I left my erstwhile job in March of 2008, and from then until April of 2009, my Devil's Mark grew. And grew. I had no health insurance between March of '08 and April of '09, so I just had to watch it grow.

I couldn't wear a t-shirt braless in the Las Vegas summer, because I was starting to look like I had three nipples. And even by Vegas standards, three nipples are not a draw.

At its max, the "thing" was a half-an-inch across, dark brown and shaped kind of like Madagascar. It had its own zip code. When my insurance from my new job kicked in, I finally persuaded my dermatologist to shave it off; she did, though she told me "It's not cancerous. I can tell you that just from looking at it. And it probably won't be covered by insurance if it's not cancerous; they'll consider this a cosmetic procedure." But I insisted. She got out the electric scalpel.

Her assistant, a nice young man, did a great job numbing my breast; I hardly felt the needle slide in. Or out. Four times. (Very little bruising afterwards, either.) Dr. T. got to work, and in about five minutes, my third nip was gone; all that remained was the smell of burning flesh.

That was May 9. I've practiced good wound care since then, but otherwise haven't thought much about the sample Dr. T. sent to be biopsied. She said she could tell it wasn't cancerous, right?

Got a voicemail last night. "Hi, this is Dr. T's. office. We got your lab results. They're fine. The sample wasn't normal, but it wasn't cancer. We'll discuss it when you come back in."

Hhhm. Not cancer? Good. Not normal? We'll discuss it? Don't know if I like the sound of that.

I'll let you know what I find out.