My Heart Speaks Here

One Realization, One Memory, One Story at a Time

heidibeth

heidibeth
Birthday
April 02
Bio
I'll tell you about my journey while I'm telling myself, rereading and saying aha! yes! and that is what it was like! Words have magic feet. I like to see them dance. The rest is to be kept quiet because it is sacred. How I watch people and love them never wondering if we'll agree. I love them because they are. I believe in words but they aren't everything. I'll take harsh speech and good deeds over eloquence and little helpful action in the world. There's shades of gray through everything which is one of many reasons I pray, "Thy Will not mine be done," trying not to cross my fingers but keep my eyes and heart open.

MY RECENT POSTS

Heidibeth's Links

Salon.com
FEBRUARY 9, 2011 7:08PM

mokey mind in verse

 

  bright ideas

 

blank page
can you offer
miracles of clarity and depth
a classic ballet of syllables
sans effort (from me)
no need to pine
for a well-spun phrase

beginnings surround
ideas without form, first lines
silence beyond
an impatient gardener am i
checking/… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 8, 2011 5:39PM

shhhhh.....

  reading child

 

wrapped in quiet
a blanket, soothing
too slow for words
a moment in between
each content in our own doing
together
bowed over matter
we read, search, create
i am with two children
who bounce
as a rule
but not in this
unplanned sanctuary
how/… Read full post »


 “Are you sure?” I asked a second time.

“Yes,” she said, smiling.

My sister-in-law had baked a beautiful cake.  She assured me it was Heidi-friendly.  One bite sent me into orbit! I hung around the dessert table staring at that perfect creation like a mira… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 5, 2011 10:20PM

Yes!!!

 

I was nervous, but there was nothing to worry about. The kids in our children's theater company absolutely rocked at dress rehearsal today! They spoke clearly, stayed in character between lines, and nailed every song.

I could get hooked on the look of triumph that crosses a… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 4, 2011 3:29PM

first

i resist stillness
at dawn
prefer doing
believe coffee alone
is enough
to send me
into the day
ready

i know better
pull a blanket
over my shoulders
feet, crossed legs
breathe into
morning meditation

words i've heard for years
sanity saving syllables
pour from my… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 2, 2011 10:32PM

Getting to Know My Grandma


Grandma Katz was growing weak, appearing older than her 76 years, afflicted with an illness that grows in the soil of a life time spent worrying, compulsively focusing on a perfection that lives ever on the planes of impossible. She lost weight and her ability to speak. She needed lots… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 1, 2011 6:38PM

Musings on a Snowy Afternoon

In my early twenties, I drove in amazingly beautiful and equally dangerous weather.

The first time, on a bright afternoon, snow flew in swirling masses toward the windshield.  I could only see a a few feet beyond the hood. I was in a sideways funnel, easing down the highway… Read full post »

I'm stalling in the place between poetic prose and silence.
Quiet, intimidated by everyday life and the prospect of accountability, routine.
I wither there, I think.
Or do I?
I don't really know anymore.
Some semblance of routine has proven fruitful.
I feel insecure here, sure the anvil waits, restin… Read full post »

 

Watch this short video before reading further.

 

Last night, I almost didn't take my boys to the library for a viewing of this documentary. That would have been a huge loss.

I completely forgot there was even a viewing to attend, too wrapped up in… Read full post »

JANUARY 27, 2011 11:18AM

Dreams cocooned in flight

  joy dancer

swinging round 
arms like a rag doll
nowhere to go
to turn  

i am 
at odds
a jumble
i stumble
praying to ease
this nameless
blaring tension

dreams ache

i must go

where i know not
the faces of pain
i see/… Read full post »

Since I joined Open Salon last September, I've been considering writing a post where I tell how Sharon, aka Mimetalker, has influenced my life. My first thought was that I should ask permission, then she left this:

 

"13. In
Read full post »

Ann, Thank you for a wonderfully revealing Open Call.  I'm glad to hear all is well.  Looks like you have ample reading material for the rest of the night and probably tomorrow too!

 

1 – I tune people out when they're talking to me (not all the time, but/… Read full post »

JANUARY 25, 2011 1:50PM

Half Nonsense (but only half)

what are you gonna do with all this quiet

hold it at arms length with your face turned away, singing, "nanny nanny boo boo, you can't catch me"

tap it out in free verse

carry it in your pocket for another day only to find quietRead full post »

JANUARY 24, 2011 5:58PM

Aunt Bea - for my son

 

My children don't read most of what I write, but they know other people do. They only read stories about themselves and facebook status updates where I tell that Super Man is in the building as a way of sharing that my son's been in the dress up box and… Read full post »

JANUARY 23, 2011 9:32PM

Talk to me

Indecision is the first clue, then guilt.  Spontaneous creativity that normally makes family life fun begins to fade, replaced by direct, plain spoken instructions like, "Go to your room.  Close the door.  Come out when you're no longer interested in insulting your brother."

I wrote in… Read full post »

JANUARY 21, 2011 12:23PM

Inevitable Unity

We are a sea of bodies
each on a mysterious
winding path 

We are a sea of souls
no separation
no names  

We could reach each other  

I stretch my right arm
heavenward
a ballerina
seeking
I am a line
a wisp of smoke
bending
in morning's
first… Read full post »

JANUARY 20, 2011 6:40PM

Thinking About Caregivers

 

My husband works long hours. So often, days will pass where I am always with my children, when not a single fight or incident between the boys occurs, nor a single break where I am only dancing to the beat of a single drum, my own. When there… Read full post »

JANUARY 19, 2011 5:49PM

Grill Cheese for Lupper

I'm late to the party. I hadn't planned on attending. The words, “grilled cheese” kept flashing across the screen and I kept ignoring them, mostly.

The faintest desire for one of those comfort sandwiches would rise up, but no more so than any wisp of want for one of… Read full post »

 

"Mom, tell me a bed time story, something that really happened."

"Well, when Chile was less than a year old..."

1993 - I live in a single room in a converted hotel.  I'm sound asleep. One morning, some time before my alarm goes off, I feel… Read full post »

JANUARY 17, 2011 4:19PM

Flowers of One Garden

 

 

floating 

in a sea of love 

a fetal form

suspended

between

two worlds 

 

steady beats her heart

 thung  

         thung  

              thung

 

her wings unfold

slowly

on either sid… Read full post »

JANUARY 16, 2011 8:22PM

Thinking

What do you want to write?

Everything.

I want to write every minute just in case I want one back if only in shadows and only for a moment. I know I can't write music, how my spirit arcs and I don't know where I've been.… Read full post »

JANUARY 15, 2011 5:11PM

Surrounded

Have you ever been surrounded by so much beauty, you felt ready to fly?  But then you can't fly, for obvious reasons, so every atom of your being flutters?
 
I'm there.
 
I'm taking a quiet break from our Children's Theater Company rehearsal.  The click and hum of espresso machine… Read full post »
JANUARY 14, 2011 11:44PM

Aunt Alma

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Spirit can not be encased
like art
souls
glide
beside our eyes
on wings spread wide as the sea
small as nothing
living 
in two worlds
 
We carried each other
 
Beside winter's snow laden pine
I call your name
JANUARY 13, 2011 7:03PM

Can Open Salon Improve Your Writing?

I can't answer for anyone else, but I can tell you being a part of this online community has helped improve my writing.  I've come up with a list of ten reasons. No doubt, in the hours and days after I publish this, I will think of more.   So, in… Read full post »
JANUARY 12, 2011 6:14PM

Photo Tour!!! - You Had To Be There

But since you weren't, enjoy!  Hang on to the end, there's a chance you'll smile (either in enjoyment or embarrassment for our family, or both).

 

What's in the yellow boxes mom?  

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 Wow, um...

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 Thanks???

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 Oh, I get it!!!

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 … Read full post »