My Heart Speaks Here

One Realization, One Memory, One Story at a Time


April 02
I'll tell you about my journey while I'm telling myself, rereading and saying aha! yes! and that is what it was like! Words have magic feet. I like to see them dance. The rest is to be kept quiet because it is sacred. How I watch people and love them never wondering if we'll agree. I love them because they are. I believe in words but they aren't everything. I'll take harsh speech and good deeds over eloquence and little helpful action in the world. There's shades of gray through everything which is one of many reasons I pray, "Thy Will not mine be done," trying not to cross my fingers but keep my eyes and heart open.


Heidibeth's Links
MAY 3, 2012 2:50PM

cafe mind clearing

Rate: 3 Flag



  flower companion

My lunch companion, provided by Sandra's Restaurant

I've got company in this Louisiana cafe: scattered thoughts, a bit of self pity, cold chicken, hot coffee, and a bright cloth flower.

I'd like to have a poem for lunch, but nothing gives.

I linger on the thought of chocolate cake. I'm planning on making a gluten free cake in a mug at the next stop. I let desire for this decadence escape into my emotions. A need is born, American style.

My best friend has skin cancer. She's matter of fact, as if discussing a pile of dirty dishes or meeting at the park. I only remembered again just now, at a glass table, soothed by natural light, in the hippie section of town.

The other night I told my mother about someone else with cancer, a friend from high school. My mom is quick, ready with a touch of humor. She says it's all the rage now. She was in the infusion bay at the time, chemo dripping into her body.

I need two hands to count the number of people I know/am related to who are being treated to be rid of cancer at present.

I should stick with thoughts of chocolate cake and forced poetry.


I'm grateful:

-to be enjoying alone time while my husband hangs out with the boys

-my mom's recent scans showed improvement, hope of recovery, and that her oncologist was sincerely pleased

-the restaurant/health food store I'm in is pretty

-to be almost done with my part of the first draft of a gluten free recipe book for basic baked goods

-to have driven through southern Oklahoma and southern Texas near the border where I was reminded that sadness can be a place, which increased appreciation for other, more beautiful places I could easily take for granted

-for time and quiet space to get these handful of thoughts written down


Beyond this exercise in mind clearing, I feel a smile beginning to bloom. Thank goodness.

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Remembering to be grateful helps tremendously. Your mom sounds tough, I hope she kicks the cancer to the curb! that's 2 hands too many loved ones to be battling all at once... So sorry.