so we wait

My Heart Speaks Here

One Realization, One Memory, One Story at a Time

heidibeth

Birthday: April 02

Bio: I'll tell you about my journey while I'm telling myself, rereading and saying aha! yes! and that is what it was like! Words have magic feet. I like to see them dance. The rest is to be kept quiet because it is sacred. How I watch people and love them never wondering if we'll agree. I love them because they are. I believe in words but they aren't everything. I'll take harsh speech and good deeds over eloquence and little helpful action in the world. There's shades of gray through everything which is one of many reasons I pray, "Thy Will not mine be done," trying not to cross my fingers but keep my eyes and heart open.

MY RECENT POSTS

Here Now: Waking Up to My Life
June 08, 2013 08:30PM
enough
June 06, 2013 06:08PM
Transported in Love
May 04, 2013 06:46PM
no better reason
April 24, 2013 05:48PM
Quiet Intentions
April 07, 2013 06:17PM

MY RECENT COMMENTS

“I felt this deeply.”
June 14, 2013 04:39PM
“You've put something almost indescribable into words.”
April 24, 2013 06:10PM
“JT, I love your enthusiasm! People ask why I don't eat wheat and to me it's so ob…”
March 15, 2013 03:30PM
“Dianne, Thank you! Yes, I grind the almonds in a food processor. I could buy almo…”
March 15, 2013 02:55PM
“Margret, I assume they're healthier but I will never say so definitely :-) I have…”
March 15, 2013 01:29AM

Heidibeth's Links

Salon.com

« Back to Posts

APRIL 14, 2012 11:28PM

Rate: 1 Flag

I keep company with what I know
I cannot predict or control.
Every second for sure, but I forget,
mercifully.

My reaction, my intention, my hopes, yes,
but nothing else.

I check as if reading a thermometer.
More energy today mom?
How's your appetite?
Pain?

She finally asks me to stop.
It matters though,
this false sense of knowing a thing, as if...
I knew the future.

We are quieter together,
very much ourselves,
a walking patience.

Cancer grows or shrinks beyond
what we can measure day by day,
beyond what we understand,
so we wait.

I had no idea I could feel quiet
in the visible presence of uncertainty.

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!

Comments

Post a comment

My mom gets more scans next week to see if/how much treatment/diet/supplements are helping her recover. I think about what they'll tell us, but there's no way to know so I get quiet again and let my mind move on for a while.