My Heart Speaks Here

One Realization, One Memory, One Story at a Time

heidibeth

heidibeth
Birthday
April 02
Bio
I'll tell you about my journey while I'm telling myself, rereading and saying aha! yes! and that is what it was like! Words have magic feet. I like to see them dance. The rest is to be kept quiet because it is sacred. How I watch people and love them never wondering if we'll agree. I love them because they are. I believe in words but they aren't everything. I'll take harsh speech and good deeds over eloquence and little helpful action in the world. There's shades of gray through everything which is one of many reasons I pray, "Thy Will not mine be done," trying not to cross my fingers but keep my eyes and heart open.

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Salon.com
APRIL 14, 2012 11:28PM

so we wait

Rate: 1 Flag

I keep company with what I know
I cannot predict or control.
Every second for sure, but I forget,
mercifully.

My reaction, my intention, my hopes, yes,
but nothing else.

I check as if reading a thermometer.
More energy today mom?
How's your appetite?
Pain?

She finally asks me to stop.
It matters though,
this false sense of knowing a thing, as if...
I knew the future.

We are quieter together,
very much ourselves,
a walking patience.

Cancer grows or shrinks beyond
what we can measure day by day,
beyond what we understand,
so we wait.

I had no idea I could feel quiet
in the visible presence of uncertainty.

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My mom gets more scans next week to see if/how much treatment/diet/supplements are helping her recover. I think about what they'll tell us, but there's no way to know so I get quiet again and let my mind move on for a while.
That closing couplet is a marvelous path for all of us to take.

I'm sorry to learn this poem touches so close to your home.
Beautiful words about a troubling time.
I’m sorry your mother and you are going through this.
Sending prayers…
~R~