My Heart Speaks Here

One Realization, One Memory, One Story at a Time

heidibeth

heidibeth
Birthday
April 02
Bio
I'll tell you about my journey while I'm telling myself, rereading and saying aha! yes! and that is what it was like! Words have magic feet. I like to see them dance. The rest is to be kept quiet because it is sacred. How I watch people and love them never wondering if we'll agree. I love them because they are. I believe in words but they aren't everything. I'll take harsh speech and good deeds over eloquence and little helpful action in the world. There's shades of gray through everything which is one of many reasons I pray, "Thy Will not mine be done," trying not to cross my fingers but keep my eyes and heart open.

MY RECENT POSTS

Heidibeth's Links

Salon.com
JUNE 23, 2014 6:41PM

Finding Words Again

In the circle she stands,

arms at her sides,

waiting.

 

A quiet lives between her

and everything else,

but only sometimes.

 

The silence is made of what her mom would have said, when she would have called her with anything new, a series of sentences one… Read full post »

DECEMBER 29, 2013 10:35PM

a necessary matter

 

Carl_Larsson_Christmas_Morning_1894 

 

 
what if mornings could be beautiful
again and again. 
let's return to stories 
in the early-day sun, busy boys building, 
and the told-tales of their imagination. 
snuggles and slowness, naps on the couch, 
music as company. 
we’ll wRead full post »
SEPTEMBER 17, 2013 3:33PM

What's New & Where I've Been

 

 

white rose

 

Fifteen years ago, about the time I was, as a single twenty-something woman, finding my authentic voice I wrote, “My name is Heidi Beth. My favorite color is purple and I like green too. I like to sing 'cause it stirs my soul… Read full post »

AUGUST 19, 2013 8:10PM

Could be...

Could be the angels who sway a tree’s leaves,  
reminding us we are together,  
the ones we see and the hidden others.  
The gift bearers, silent drifters,  
anonymous assistance, miracle bringers,  
inner stillness singers whispering peace,  
the waiters for us to be qu… Read full post »

JULY 23, 2013 5:59PM

A Gift

The grassy lawn, with her little uneven rises and tiny yellow wind-seeded flowers beneath my feet, reminds my calves of being at an age of not knowing much more than to look long at the small flowers growing everywhere over a wandering-way through an everyday place more beautiful than the sidewalk.… Read full post »

JULY 18, 2013 7:52PM

gentle

When you know your life is your movie  
the swaying leaves in two tall trees  
next to a mid-summer corn field keep time  
with the beautiful music you chose  
for this very reflection.  
 
The sunlit scene framed outside  
your window is perfect  
and all the memories… Read full post »

I tried to make Almond-Butter brownies vegan once before, with sucanat as the sugar. It didn't work out. The sucanat granules were crunchy and the brownies didn't rise as I would have liked. So I gave up the idea. Until today. Just as I began making the standard… Read full post »

JUNE 25, 2013 9:33PM

Home?

I had forgotten how it stays cold for days in Illinois, even when it’s warm. Invisible droplets hang on everything and when it finally rains, each air conditioned haven that is not home is an ice box. If we have two jackets for four people, David and I air dry and… Read full post »

JUNE 14, 2013 2:31PM

Here Now: Waking Up to My Life

Shortly after my mom passed away, both my husband and (I swear to it) my mom encouraged me to begin publishing my writing. As in, "Stop talking about it and just click Submit already!" So I did. The response has been wonderful! Below is one of the pieces in the ForRead full post »

JUNE 6, 2013 6:13PM

enough

 

photo-55 

I open myself to write and a space  
spreads out around my being.  
It is large enough to turn  
my sighs into a whisper and my thoughts  
into a gentle rain landing on everything,  
no center, nothing to hold onto.  
 
I don’t mind, yet the p… Read full post »

MAY 4, 2013 6:46PM

Transported in Love

I always see her hands. They are slightly larger but otherwise just like the ones I am using to type this memory. She turns a page of her brown hardcover prayer book, preparing for her turn to pray. A cell phone is perched on one of our legs. We are at… Read full post »

APRIL 24, 2013 5:48PM

no better reason

a warm gratitude flows 
through my body when I sing to myself 
so softly in a crowd and begin to see 
in the eyes of passersby 
a beauty ever present 
seldom loved without cause
loved just because we breathe 
the same air 
began in the same helpless
impressionable w… Read full post »

APRIL 7, 2013 6:17PM

Quiet Intentions

 

Photo-13 

If I had ten quiet days alone, 
would I open, wade into 
all the waiting inner journeys 
I haven’t made 
room for in the doing
 
Or would I wander still 
the confines of time, 
practicing a two-step 
with illusion, squandering /… Read full post »

I like to eat cookies, especially with my morning coffee. I sit alone outside our RV in the day’s first light, listen to the birds sing, stare off into my thoughts and eventually pick up my laptop and begin the new-age conversation that has become a near-necessityRead full post »

JANUARY 25, 2013 8:20PM

We're Here Now

 

view

 

 

Out here in the desert, land crunches beneath my feet. I hear it amplified in the vast space on every side. Once, not long ago, that hollow sound of walking on dry stone and sand would haunt me, remind me I am far away from my… Read full post »

JANUARY 17, 2013 11:12PM

A few good words a kind and oddish day

 

We played catch in the only square of grass in the whole big campgrounds. Fortunately it is right next to our RV. Lucky us! “Play catch” was actually an item on our to-do list. My husband and I realized we'd been on a streak of… Read full post »

JANUARY 14, 2013 4:30PM

Into the Present

 

I'm angry (finally), unable to "let it be what it is." Tears stream down my cheeks. I'm pounding the steering wheel, grateful the grocery store is only a few blocks away. Damn it! I want my mom to tell me it was okay how everything played out even though I… Read full post »

JANUARY 10, 2013 9:55PM

Listening Carefully

Mid December we left central Illinois and went on a seven day trek across the country, landing in our Southwestern camping spot where we plan to spend at least a few weeks.

My younger son was truly sad to miss out on snow, but lucky for him we… Read full post »

DECEMBER 2, 2012 8:11PM

a mystery

NOVEMBER 26, 2012 10:11PM

Love Story: A Walking Meditation

I folded my hands, closed my eyes and whispered, “Mom, I know poetry isn't your thing, or at least the non-rhyming stuff I write, but if you're able, can you help me with a title?”

Less than a minute into the silence that followed, the words,Read full post »

I remember her coming in the front door, a full bag of groceries in each arm. Not the plastic kind that hangs off your wrist and leaves a long red mark dent in your skin. No, they hadn’t been invented yet. She carried the big paper sacs, celery… Read full post »

OCTOBER 23, 2012 4:30PM

Her Answer - Open Call

 

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I have held her after midnight while soft music rocks us back in time to the hiding places, the quiet spaces, the hours in contemplation and the cradle of no-mind as she creates word designs and curving colors formed into patterns, the… Read full post »

OCTOBER 19, 2012 7:22PM

warming up after weeks of silence

 

I came here to write. I said that's what I was going to do, for the first time in weeks. I would sit alone at the spot (a cafe, small wooden table, the shuffle of casual doing all around, passing by, speaking in soft voices) holding still for long enoughRead full post »

OCTOBER 9, 2012 9:46PM

I Can Dance

Laundromats and libraries, grocery shopping and sitting down to eat. Life carries on. Worry or intense presence with very little middle ground today. The happy holding place of gentle rightness has not landed.

Except when I held the door for the woman who carried a large basket of clothes, or… Read full post »