.

Heather Ryan

Heather Ryan
Location
Eugene, Oregon, US
Birthday
December 20
Bio
"Imagine," says writer TK Dalton, "a knocked up Bookslut, Salam Pax with a dead beat ex instead of Raed. That's Terrible Mother." She's also a quick-thinking, smart-mouthed single mother to three kids. By day, she teaches writing to college freshmen and sophomores. By night, she cooks, cleans, parents and writes. She is, despite vehemently claiming to be one, not a hipster, but does have an MFA in Fiction from the University of Oregon, which she earned by duct-taping her children to chairs and feeding them bottles of Benadryl (not necessarily in that order). Terrible Mother still lives in Oregon, where she deals her snarky brand of parenting humor to her friends. "Another single mother blog?" says novelist Roby Connor. "Someone get this lady some Jesus."

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APRIL 13, 2009 8:28PM

The Flash Effect

Rate: 5 Flag

Sunday, New Slang Philosopher came over for Easter. She was one of the many guests, which included her two kids, another family we know, her soon-to-be-ex-husband*, Squeaky Clean Poet, and Planet Politico**. We had an egg hunt and potluck, replete with tangerine-glazed ham, vegetarian lasagna, and a delicious asparagus/strawberry salad***, potatoes and rolls and dessert items. It was a wonderful time, and we hung out in my kitchen filled with miss-matched and broken chairs, and played music, and the kids shelled their eggs in the front room and made a giant mess.

I love parties.

At some point, as I was telling Thing Three how it was unacceptable that she had told her younger guests that there was no Easter Bunny, I noticed New Slang Philosopher was taking my picture. And taking it with her beautiful—and large, and intimidating—camera. I tried to keep my face stern, but it was impossible knowing that she was about to capture my image. I kept breaking into a grin, or outright laughing.

I realized that this is something I’ll have to get used to. NSP is a photographer, and she’ll be documenting our epic road trip this summer with many photographs. I tried to imagine my way into the kind of lazy boredom I’ll have with the camera at the end of the summer, and I couldn’t quite muster it, yet. I still wanted to smile for the lens, and I was painfully aware of its presence.

Which is, in some way, how the initial planning is going.

Right now everything is flat, devoid of life, an atlas marked by pencil and pen, and nothing I can do can force it to become real any faster than it already is. I try to imagine eastern Montana, but it is just lines on a page, neat letters in small font. I want both to understand where we will go and to be surprised by the places and people we come across.

The general plan is to travel to Seattle and Vashon Island first, then head due east. We cannot decide if we’ll stop in Pennsylvania, or if we’ll make it all the way to New York (though I’m quite hoping we’ll make it to NYC). We’re stopping in Chicago, certainly, since NSP has family there. After we make it east, we’ll head south along the coast, hit the Carolinas, and the Florida Panhandle. Then we’ll head back west, through the southern states, New Orleans, and then up through Missouri. We’ll stop in Utah and Colorado, before snaking through California, and finally home.


Last night, at the kitchen table, someone mentioned The Miracle of America in Montana—an immense and eclectic museum in Montana, and someone else brought up The Garden of Eden, one the “8 Wonders of Kansas Art.” We’re going to The Great Salt Lake, too, and the Guggenheim, and The Everglades. But we also want to see these kinds of places, which are quietly iconic, a flash image of America and its people. Lots of these kinds of places, though, aren’t stops, we’d know about. So, I’m asking you, Fan Base, for your help and knowledge. Where she would stop on our trip? What kinds of places would you suggest? Both the famous stops and the quirky, eccentric ones, are important on this trip, but we won’t find the latter without your help.

*tm

*New Slang Philosopher is one of the few people I’ve seen who has been able to keep her divorce, and her relationship with her husband, decent and kind and amicable. And I admire the hell out of both of them for that.

**A new cast member! Who is über-smart about politics!  And is a OS regular.  Know who?

***Spinach, roasted asparagus, strawberries, balsamic vinaigrette, and chevre.

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Comments

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All of Colorado is brilliant but the pass between Durango and Ouray is jaw-dropping as is Independence Pass from Aspen northward. When I was there last June, there was still a foot of snow on the ground at 13,000 feet. While you are there, go to Boulder and then Estes Park (where the Stanley Hotel, inspiration for "The Shining" lives) and then detour west from Estes through Rocky Mountain National Park and Trail Ridge Road, stunning! It takes you above the treeline and you see marmots and rocky mtn sheep and lichen. Can you tell I love Colorado?

Also, i wouldn't skip PA, some of the most beautiful scenery in that part of the country. Lots of old stone farmhouses and rolling green hills.

I am so jealous, can I tag along for parts? :-)
Oh! Oh! I grew up near the Garden of Eden, but not too near, because it's a really creepy place. The guy who built it was there, in his glass topped-coffin, like Lenin, and green furry mold was growing out of his caved-in chest. Of course, that was 40-some years ago, so maybe the mold has changed color. It's one town down the road from the World's Largest Ball of Baling Twine.

And, uh, I lived one county north for all my growing up years and only went there once, which ought to tell you that it's not worth going too far out of your way to visit it.
well, I wouldn't recommend Dallas in the summertime, but I would recommend me...consider it a pony express stopover if you wish, you and your tribe would be welcome.

oh, and the *** sounds absolutely wonderful. We do good food here too.
I feel like I can guess the answer to various questions, but I don't want to, I'm so glad to have you back! Wish I was there!
Great suggestions all, and thanks for the welcome back Joan. BBD, I don't know that we'll get to Texas, but if we do, you'll be the first to know. PF, I think I've always wanted to hit both PA and CO, and they're both supposed to be incredibly picturesque.

HL, The Garden of Eden sounds super creepy. And sorta excellent.
Saturn is in the orbit? What a lucky gal. When you are in the middle, going from New Orleans to Missouri, you MUST stop and get pies from the Pie Lady in eastern Arkansas, just a little bit off the beaten path as you're heading north on I55. I'll get you the exact coordinates as you get closer to her. Not to be missed.
These people have been detailing oddities for a long time. From their web page's bulleted list: Muffler Men, Pet Cemetery, 2-Story Outhouses, Big Bovines, Big Fruit, Big Coffee Pots, Mega-Messiahs, Mystery Spots, Shoe Trees, Smiley Water Towers, Stonehenges, Tiny Churches, Transparent Gals, White Squirrels, etc. As Lauren said, Trail Ridge Rd. is indeed stunning. (Need good power and brakes!) The Salt Lake City shoreline is a petrochemical disappointment. Looking forward to reading all about it.
Don't miss the gorgeous campus of Penn State University: take up their offer of a tour (check at the HUB building or the stunning alumni headquarters), ride the campus bus and stop at the famous Penn State Dairy for Joe Paterno's favorite flavor of ice cream, check out art exhibits, the natatorium, Beaver Stadium....

Adie Mahony ('62)