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Hayley Rose

Hayley Rose
HayleysComments.com, Connecticut, TheVeggieStand.com
December 31
I was born when Halley’s Comet last appeared overhead and named accordingly. Since then, I've become a writer, artist, and columnist. In addition to Open Salon, my work appears frequently in The Huffington Post, All Things Healing, Gender Across Borders: A Global Feminist Blog, and several other publications. I blog daily at my site HayleysComments.com I recently published my first book, "I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell." The book is about domestic violence, a topic that I am very vocal about. It chronicles my journey away from tumultuous love affairs by weaving stories of her past with stories from literature, music, and visual art of both modern and classical significance. Find me on Twitter @HRoseStudios


MAY 20, 2012 7:00PM

The Importance of Choice

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After being raped by two men when I was just fifteen years old, I understand the value of choice. Maybe that's because I never had one. The trauma I experienced reminds me of the abortion ban Mississippi law makers are pushing through their state legislature. Had I become pregnant as a result of those rapes, there is no doubt in my mind that I would've aborted the fetus.

For most of those (pro-lifers) leaning towards the anti-choice stance, rape and incest are often the two exceptions to the rule, when it comes to the outlawing abortions. Who gives them the right to put stipulations on other people's decisions? Who gives them the right to take away my choice? Maybe one has to have the option of choice taken away before he or she can fully understand it's value.

Mississippi lawmakers are close to successfully banning abortion from their state. Only one abortion clinic remains and lawmakers are looking forward to putting this last remaining clinic out of business as well. How did they block it? A new bill has stacked the deck against medical doctors by adding extra stipulations, not typically required for the typical licensure to perform abortion procedures.

On the subject one proud State Representative, Bubba Carpenter said,

“They're like, 'Well, the poor pitiful women that can't afford to go out of state are just going to start doing them at home with a coat hanger.' That's what we've heard over and over and over. But hey, you have to have moral values. You have to start somewhere, and that’s what we've decided to do. This became law and the governor signed it, and I think for one time, we were first in the nation in the state of Mississippi."

It is ironic to me, how the moral values of so many “pro-lifers,” defenders of fetus, do not extend past their concern for the fetus and to the life of the mother. How could people who love unborn children so much have such disdain for those who carry them? The ignorance and lighthearted attitudes demonstrated by some pro-lifers, specifically those with political power like State Representative Carpenter is not only scary but telling of the gender inequality and disdain for 50% of the world's population. Making light of the infections, severe internal disfigurement and deaths resulting from “coat hanger” abortions is not something to joke about.

For modern women, the coat hanger is a powerful image symbolizing the vast strides this country has made both in legislation of women's rights and women's heath since the era of dangerous “coat hanger” abortions. Retired gynecologist, WALDO L. FIELDING, M.D, writes of the various implements aside from coat hangers, used in home abortions in a New York Times article, “darning needles, crochet hooks, cut-glass salt shakers, soda bottles, sometimes intact, sometimes with the top broken off.” Regardless of your stance on abortion, would you want a woman you cared about to subject herself to this?

“Anti-choice” is a more appropriate label for the opponents of Roe vs Wade who call themselves “pro-lifers.” When questioned about the importance of the life of the mother and the woman's right to choose, anti-choicers will counter you with the importance of the life of the unborn fetus. Anyone who would go to the lengths that some women have gone to to perform home abortions, when there were no other options, must have a pretty good reason to do so. Not that that reason is anybody's business. What's most obnoxious about pro-lifer's stance is the flippancy with which they describe the attitudes of women who seek or have gone through abortions.

No one sets out on a sexual relationship, one night stand, adventure or whatever with the intention of it resulting in an abortion. Abortions are expensive, dangerous and emotionally trying. I know lots of women who still feel guilty over choosing to abort a pregnancy over a decade later. I also know that had they had the child the alternatives would've been equally difficult. Not having enough money to raise a child or enough strength to let the child go to an adoptive family are decisions, that in their own right, are just as difficult as the choice to terminate a pregnancy.

People are infallible. Until a time where humanity is able to make decisions with perfect precision, people will need abortions. This is a necessity as is war, until a unified concept of world peace exists. I'm anti war and pro- choice. A lot of people feel the exact opposite of me. They will never change my mind and I will never change theirs. So in the meantime, let's just try to extend a little more compassion and a little less judgement in all directions. That's my solution. What do you think?


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Hayley,I agree..And I think that abortion in some cases is the best choice for the child.Here in Greece,church calls it murder..I call it "euthanasia"..meaning the right of the baby not to have a torturing life...The choice of having a child or not must indeed be a choice made out of love,in love,with love,for love and to have the baby,only for loving it..not hating it..Excellent and meaningful work..A very sensitive issue,which you deal with admirable sensitivity and seriousness..Rated with kishes and wishes for love!!!!
No one should have any control over anyone's body. The state of Az is beyond me now. I knew people in my day and age that went to a woman who lived over the bus station and the rest you can imagine. That was the early 60's.. this is now.
I was with you, Hayley, until the very end when you wrote:

"Until a time where humanity is able to make decisions with perfect precision, people will need abortions. This is a necessity as is war, until a unified concept of world peace exists. I'm anti war and pro- choice."

That's where you lost me. I believe in pro choice, but I disagree that war is a necessity. Perhaps I misunderstood you.
If you've never read it, pick up a copy of Freakonomics. There's a fabulous chapter in there about the crime drop in the late 1980s/early 1990s. The authors attribute it to the absence of babies NOT born to low income mothers, or to any mother who knew she was not prepared to have a baby, post 1973. Count ahead 18ish years, and you get (voila) about 1990. When all those unwanted babies didn't come of age. The crime statistics dropped in similar numbers in states that legalized abortion earlier than Roe v. Wade.

Amazing. Women know, they really, truly, know their own situations, and they know when they cannot support a child. Or another child. Who would have ever thought that those women could think for themselves? Who ever?
As a Southerner (TN), I rolled my eyes and thought: "of course" as soon as I came across the name "BUBBA"."
I am thankful that no "Bubba" has ever had any say about my reproductive system and whether or not I carried a pregnancy to term. I did carry both of my pregnancies to term, both resulting in 2 beautiful, intelligent girls, 12 & 14.
I don't want any "Bubba" having a say with what they choose to do about an unplanned pregnancy. Both of my daughters were planned, very planned, I waited until I had been married for 10 and 12 years before I had them, I will not for a second judge another woman for her choice.
A woman, upon average, can have 1 child per year. As we see in this article, it is different for men....

Instead of putting the responsibility of birth control on women, how about keeping the males on birth control until they are man enough to care for any and all children they "father'?
I saw the comments made by S.R. Bubba Carpenter before and I find it scary how these people get elected and RE elected! I thought you worded it well when you said: "How could people who love unborn children so much have such disdain for those who carry them?". How indeed!

Like FusunA though, I have to disagree that war is NOT a necessity. It is a choice and a bad one at that,
Thanks for replying! I don't think war is a necessity but I do think abortion is... now the thing is some people think war is a necessity and that abortion is not. "War is a necessity" was not an expression of my personal views but an expression of my observation of other people's personal feelings..

froggy so true love your point

STATHI I have read that some euro countries are very understanding- they do call it murder here and there are people who stand outside clinics and call women murderers after they exit the clinic after obtaining their procedure-

ame- great idea- !