Hayley's Comments

Introspection on Healing, Vegetarianism, and Life

Hayley Rose

Hayley Rose
Location
HayleysComments.com, Connecticut, TheVeggieStand.com
Birthday
December 31
Title
HayleysComments.com
Bio
I was born when Halley’s Comet last appeared overhead and named accordingly. Since then, I've become a writer, artist, and columnist. In addition to Open Salon, my work appears frequently in The Huffington Post, All Things Healing, Gender Across Borders: A Global Feminist Blog, and several other publications. I blog daily at my site HayleysComments.com I recently published my first book, "I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell." The book is about domestic violence, a topic that I am very vocal about. It chronicles my journey away from tumultuous love affairs by weaving stories of her past with stories from literature, music, and visual art of both modern and classical significance. Find me on Twitter @HRoseStudios

MY RECENT POSTS

APRIL 1, 2012 9:53PM

My Secret Marriage

Rate: 8 Flag

"No one is going to ask you out if they see those rings on you, Hayley." I didn't exactly understand my friend's concern, as the rings were on right hand. I suppose that the gold band and diamond could easily be mistaken for some type of commitment.

"I really don't care anymore," I replied.  The last date I was suppose to go on did not happen. The man made tentative plans with me and we didn't really text much after that. It was fine by me as I was losing interest and secretly hoping that he would forget about our plans and blow me off.

In my work, the work I do besides writing, I have become an expert in the study of reading people as well as energy exchange. It was because of this that I knew there was a good chance I could will it to happen: that I could cause him to blow me off.

Energy exchange is simple. Think of the relationship or friendship between two people as always adding up to 100%.

Sometimes we make friends that we just instantly click with and love to talk to until all hours of the night. Both people in this friendship are giving and receiving at the same level, a level that balances out perfectly and in the end equals up to 100%; with a 50% contribution from each party.

Now take an unhealthy friendship or relationship. Ever have a friend that you don't exactly like but for some reason they hang around you anyways? You don't completely dislike them, you're just not crazy about them and can easily do without their company. Every time that you think that you finally broke away from them and that they have moved on your phone rings. Sometimes you will hang out with them but only because you don't have anything else to do. What's going on here? Do they truly like you as a person and you're a big jerk? No. There is still 50% contribution from each party, however it's just not good energy. It is likely they are only hanging out with you when they are bored and it is likely that you are doing the same thing to them whether you realize it or not.

Energy exchange is not always even, but it does always add up to 100%. Say you are in a relationship in which you suspect your partner is using you for something. The more you give the more he or she takes. You can't exactly figure it out. You tell yourself that if this person didn't like you they wouldn't be around you as much as they are. The truth is that is false.... You are being used and this is more like a 75% /25%  energy exchange. It still adds up to 100%

Does being the 25% contributor and the one being used in this scenario absolve you of karmic wrong doing? Nope. Why are you in a relationship with someone like this? Desperation, boredom, sadness, or denial. Pick one or pick all four because it has to be at least one of these reasons or something similar that keeps the two of you together. You are not being true to yourself and this will inevitably bite you in the ass, no matter how mean they were to you. So what does this all mean?

It's actually quite useful information. It means that the way you feel about a person is directly proportional to how a person feels about you! So stop wondering! Here are some examples:

1. If you genuinely like a person usually this person genuinely likes you.

2. If you're not sure about a person but really are lonely and want to date someone so bad that you are doing your best to hold onto them, it is likely that they are feeling crowded and trying to distance themselves from you- either that or they keep you around but only to use you. And if they do choose to use you it is because they understand your desperate state and how to manipulate it.

3. If you do not like someone they generally do not like you.

Any of these scenario can work in the reverse fashion, but I think you get the gist. Here's the thing. You may be disagreeing with me, and thinking of scenarios that say otherwise but you have to account for lying and facades. This is down to the basics of true human feelings and emotions- what truly goes on below our guards and facades. This is the truth.

The type of energy exchange I've mentioned above can be used in any scenario. For example, almost every time in my life when I didn't want to do something that I made plans for inevitably the other people involved in the plans ended up feeling the same way. I have studied the workings of this many times and because of this knew that there was a good chance that our plans would fall through. Sure enough, I never heard from him and instead spent my night at work. Wow, I sound boring huh? No, I just love my work and I sensed that this was not the right person for me, so why waste an hour or two of both of our time to figure out what is likely something that both of us already knew?

"Hayley, men are going to think you are married!" She insisted.

"I am," I replied, "to myself."

It started a few years ago. I bought myself this gold band in Athens and wore it as a reminder to not let any men mistreat me. Sure enough I was weak and took the ring off shortly after I started to date the psychopath who almost ended my life. The ring sat in a box until a few weeks ago. For one, I do not know if I will ever get married. Secondly even if I do meet a guy that I have a very good and equal energy exchange with there is no guarantee that we will date. Finally, isn't it a waste to let these pretty rings sit in a box?

I am married to myself and that means I treat myself the way I expect to be treated in a relationship. That also means I treat myself the way I would treat the person I was in a relationship with if I was in one. So until I find someone who will treat me this way if not better, I will be wearing these rings.

 

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Excellent..excellent..!!!Motivational,true,needed...full of feelings and how to make things beautifully haρρen,how to love our self and make the other understand that if you can not love me,leave alone.I live to love and be loved.
So smart,Hayley,your resροnse..""Hayley, men are going to think you are married!" She insisted."I am," I replied, "to myself."

Bravo..I didn't know you had come to Athens..Keeρ the rings on...and Iam wishing you to find a great man..with the what you so right wrote energy,feeling,resρect exchange..."Energy exchange is simple. Think of the relationship or friendship between two people as always adding up to 100%."

You just made my day start in a beautiful way,Hayley..and thank you..Rated...
STATHI THANK-YOU!! YOUR RESPONSE MADE ME FEEL SO HAPPY AND APPRECIATED- I AM GLAD YOU COULD TAKE SO MUCH AWAY FROM MY POST- Oh, and I loved Athens and Greece! What a beautiful country with such wonderful people!!!
Thanks Carl... it is so funny you should say that about being closed off because I am going to talk about that and one of the next articles I write. The issue you speak of is actually a chakra problem...stay tuned
I like the way you explain things.
I have come to believe also that balance is important in a relationship. If one person is doing all the giving it is a sign that something is wrong.
Thanks Phyllis!

So true, Kathy!