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Introspection on Healing, Vegetarianism, and Life

Hayley Rose

Hayley Rose
HayleysComments.com, Connecticut, TheVeggieStand.com
December 31
I was born when Halley’s Comet last appeared overhead and named accordingly. Since then, I've become a writer, artist, and columnist. In addition to Open Salon, my work appears frequently in The Huffington Post, All Things Healing, Gender Across Borders: A Global Feminist Blog, and several other publications. I blog daily at my site HayleysComments.com I recently published my first book, "I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell." The book is about domestic violence, a topic that I am very vocal about. It chronicles my journey away from tumultuous love affairs by weaving stories of her past with stories from literature, music, and visual art of both modern and classical significance. Find me on Twitter @HRoseStudios


APRIL 19, 2011 7:00AM

The Worst Piece of Advice I Ever Got

Rate: 14 Flag

Mariah Carey, Rainbow

Mariah Carey is quoted saying, “Never, never listen to anybody that tries to discourage you,” and she’s right. She is just one example of a person who faced adversity and challenges, yet continued to work hard until she achieved success and then some. When most people think of Mariah Carey, J.K. Rowling, Barack Obama, etc, they often view their great achievements as effortless, and fail to acknowledge the years of hard work they put into getting there.  Most people have put them on pedestal so high, they believe it’s impractical for the rest of us to reach such lofty goals, or even dare to dream them.

After failing so many times and then failing some more, I began to wonder if they were right. In the past, I read countless books on achieving goals. Most of the books repeat the same catch phrase “you have to believe it before you see it,” and stressed the virtue of faith as the foremost important tool for accomplishing any dream regardless of size.

You’ve heard about faith. Preachers say that the most important time to keep the faith is during your darkest hour (which consequently happens to be hardest time to keep faith). This irritated me to no end as I sat at my desk surrounded with what seemed like piles of rejection towering over me. When I thought I was going through dark times, the times got even darker, and when I thought I’d hit rock bottom, the bottom fell out from under me again and again. Although there were people who told me not to give up, the voice of the nay-sayers rang louder and clearer, “Be Practical,” they said.

I didn’t dare express my true feelings and loftiest goals to these people. If they didn’t think I was practical now, they’d think I was crazy if I told them what I really wanted. Even when I put my words into action, and auditioned for my local  T.V. station, or sent out even more query letters for my novel, they’d tell me, “Be practical, Hayley.”  I didn’t heed their advice, but during the darkest times, I wanted to. Being practical would be a lot easier.

You can avoid doing things in the name of practicality for as long as you want, but it’s not going to be pretty and neither is facing the challenges that naturally arise on the path to achieving your dreams. Nothing is easy, but when you are working towards something you truly want, the end result will likely be more pleasant than if you are doing something because someone told you to “be practical.”

If you’ve been spending your time on Earth avoiding your passion or what you truly want in favor of something more practical, you are not only cheating yourself, but the world out of your greatness. Many people have sacrificed their deepest desires in the name of practicality, and if this is you, take some advice from Dr. Seuss,  “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

If you notice, the quotes I used from both  Mariah Carey and Dr. Seuss are very Zen. There is nothing complex about theses thoughts, they are obvious ideas, so obvious, that most of us dismiss them in favor of something more practical.

Portrait of Dr. Seuss by Everett Raymond Kinstler

“You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own.

And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

-Dr. Seuss

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You are so right! I held off doing what I have wanted to do until it was almost too late. Now, I have to make up for lost time. Great advice from you and Dr. Seuss~
A little Dr. Seuss in the am is just what I needed. Thanks.
I'm glad everyone appreciated this post, to quote another great musician of our time, "Don't stop believing..."
You have done so much for so many by writing about this. You have encouraged me today, thank you!
I have never been one to react with practicality which has sometimes gotten me into trouble...
At least you have rejections. I am just starting!!!!
This is a very encouraging post in itself, Hayley. Thank you for being an inspiration to everyone of us who battles rejection and poverty every day. It gives us faith and hope to continue on our paths to our dreams.
I've always loved Dr. Seuss. And I believe in listening to the voices of encouragement (both inside my head and out) and perseverance. Because then you will end up where you were meant to be.
and I ahve always gone my own way.
Thanks for PMING me..:)
rated with hugs
Great post! Dr. Seuss is what one of the greatest teachers I have ever known...those who say I can't...well...I think they are talking to themselves which is so very sad...xox
So many people discouraged me to go back to school in my thirties... it took twice the time to get a degree but it changed everything for me. Financially and otherwise. No don't listen. Keep going.
I wante to write the grand epic poem of the modern world. I had nothing except a BA in Liberal Arts after college. Nothing. No car, no house, no relationship. I took off hitchhiking.

I was homeless for five years traveling across the country. I housesat for two years learning web design and photoshop. I got a good-paying job for five years doing web design. I got married, had kids, bought a house, and two cars. I lost the job and lost all my savings selling the house. I went to graduate school for three years and finally earned the MS in Cartography. Now I have been working for four years making good money, paying off debts.

During all that time I wrote poetry. Lots of narrative stories, in a mass of messy, half-finished, meandering, inconsistent, insistent scribblings to explore the dreams of human hope.

I achieved more than I thought possible but have not done even a tenth of what I want. I will die in the middle of scribbling a verse. I am a happy fool running as far as I can till I drop dead with a smile.
Shelia! Thank-you! That is wonderful!

Susie, your funny, I have a pile of them and some embarrassing stories to boot

Deanna, thank-you for your kind words and checking out my post :)

Mimetalker- you're so right. I think Positive thinking is key

Linda I never would've thought otherwise :)

Robin, you make a good point there, especially when you put it into the context of psychology and "projecting"

Rita thanks for sharing, I'm glad you made it despite the challenges!

Surazeus you definitely have an interesting tale complete with ups and downs :)
I wholeheartedly agree. Being practical is vastly overrated. Strive - reach - stretch for your dreams. Challenge yourself. You owe it to yourself not be shortchange yourself.
Well said. I like this.
Paul- I absolutely agree :)

Grif- Thanks! Stop by again sometime!
You can never hear things like this enough. Fear is what holds most people back and it's so easy to be lulled into doing what's practical. If you can live with the "what if's" then maybe that's the route to take. I'm glad you didn't and I'm trying to do the same thing. Thanks for the encouragement and also for putting so much of your spirit into this.
Thanks Margaret!! Just knowing this affected people positively makes it totally worth writing for me! Thank-you so much for your comment :)
I finally gave in and listened to practicality - from others and from myself. But, I'm looking forward to what the present and future have to offer me. Thanks for the quotes!