THE DAILY COMPLAINT

blog of a classless curmudgeon

Gordon Hilgers

Gordon Hilgers
Location
Dallas, Texas, United States
Birthday
July 22
Bio
Born in Denver, Colorado, 1950s-era capitol of the Beat scene, Gordon Hilgers was exiled to Dallas, Texas, in 1963, and Dallasites were so angry that another 9-year-old Democrat had entered the city that they killed Kennedy. From there, Gordon began writing poems and stories, eventually received a BA degree in newswriting, has written for The Dallas Morning News, despite the fact he was far too Liberal for the likes of William F. Murchison and John Birch, worked as an advocacy journalist and is partly responsible for the City of Dallas' public homeless shelter--where poor people can go to find jobs rather than getting told that because they've forgotten to embrace Jesus that God made them homeless.

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Salon.com
AUGUST 25, 2011 12:45PM

Libya: Free Market Paradise Open For Business NOW!!!

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America?  Stand-up!  Now that Kaddaffy, that Socialist poo-poo head, has effectively been removed as ruler of Libya, it's time for greedheads everywhere on the North American continent to...mobilize!

Mobilize now, as in Exxon-Mobilize!!!

From the boardrooms of Bechtel, to the dining area at Dresser Industries, to the hollow heart of Halliburton, good news!   Very good news.  Good news as in Biblical good news!  Greedheads everywhere, unite and get ready for another free market chance at creating a free market paradise on the coast of Northern Africa! 

Just as you did in Iraq, you have the chance to take a currently stateless society into the wonders of WalMartism.  Yes, a chicken in every pot and a Friedmanite on every streetcorner of Bengazi and Tripoli!  The time is now.  No time to waste. 

Need money?  No problem!  Just ask Congress!  Though millionaires Mitch McConnell and John Boehner decided to play chicken with the national debt just last month, this doesn't mean that the private business community's tax-money extraction business can't proceed as usual. 

Yes!  This is the Christian thing to do: MAKE MONEY!

At a time in American history where the Masters of the Universe, those great apes of Wall Street, only have to belch to get the US Securities and Exchange Commission to "turn the other cheek" and close its eyes to rampant financial mayhem and profit-driven fraudulence, the coast is clear!  It's time to swing a buck on Libya's back.  Never mind that most of the population of Libya has next to no education....  That's an advantage!  The less the people of Libya know what's happening, the better the chance there is to create a Rick Perry-esque "open for business" atmosphere in a country where poverty and want are a tradition. 

Hell.  It worked in Iraq--didn't it?  Bechtel, Halliburton, Kellogg Brown & Root and all the other companies at the disposal of Dick Cheney and his buddies over at the US Chamber of Commerce, got their duffs in gear and look!  Out on the horizon, far east of Dallas, Texas, center of the petroleum industry in the United States, stands a monument to free market capitalism: Iraq! 

Gosh, guys!  I can barely hold-back my tears!  This is a time for patriotism in the form of economic extraction of taxpayer money.  Don't let the Liberal and Progressive "stinkers" try to sink your ship with cries of Exploitation and Greed!  Just as the Tea Party Patriots, the Tea Party Nation and the Tea Party Express have totally ignored the rampant fraudulence in the US financial sector during the "adjustment" of 2007-08 and instead turned their Libertarian fury against the US Government, you too have an opportunity to preach anti-government solutions to illiterate peasants! 

Gosh!  Ain't it good to be alive? 

Don't let that "statist" crap get in your way.  Who needs a state when we can arm warlords?  Who needs a state when there's money to be made?  Sure, the Liberals and Progressives can call your actions "US imperialism" in the form of our God-given commercial mentalities.  But who are they? 

Think about it.  Your pocketbook is burning, isn't it?  You can almost feel that government money flowing into your coffers, can't you?  If the Liberal and Progressive "stupids" call you out and ask dimwitted questions like, "If government mandated healthcare is Socialism, well, isn't corporate welfare Socialism too?" don't listen to them. 

Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.  After all, God promised that if you've turned your life over to Jesus Christ, God will make you rich, rich, rich!  Joel Osteen says so--so it's true!  All you have to do is believe! 

Soon, Libya will be swamped with US taxpayer money given to you by the mighty statesmen Mitch McConnell and John Boehner.  And Eric Cantor, who wants to cut Medicare, is on your side.  Yes, God-willing freedomlovers like yourselves can also get busy expanding your compounds.  After all, wasn't it the rock group Cake that proclaimed, "You can get the government funding / You can build another wing"???

Don't be afraid.  Obama won't stand in your way.  After all, didn't he water-down the healthcare reform bill to protect those too-big-to-fail healthcare insurance companies?  Didn't he provide needed dinero after Wall Street, which was only practicing Social Darwinism, raped the people of the United States to the tune of $13 trillion?  Act now! 

And remember: Up with commercialism!  A billboard on every corner, a commercial every five minutes on television, ads for condoms in clubroom bathrooms, and yes!  Citizens United v Federal Election Commission!  The forces of money won!  Now the Koch brothers, those scions of corporatism, will be able to use their millions to overwhelm the simple problem of common sense, will be able to practice the US Supreme Court's decision that, yes, money talks! 

Think of it, David Koch!  A toilet paper factory in the deserts of Libya!  Could things ever get any better than that?  Thank you for your patriotism!

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