exercise junkie, married to the best alien on Earth, four grandchildren, ornery dog who is not house-trained, if it's legal, I've probably done it -- for pay


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MARCH 30, 2012 11:13AM

Cancer is Chaos

Rate: 7 Flag

This cancer stuff is vicious.

I got the report on the lumpectomy.  They didn’t get it all, so now I have to go back for a mastectomy.  I asked the surgeon to schedule it soon so I could get it over with.  She asked if I want reconstruction.  I told her, no.

She insisted I make an appointment to talk to a plastic surgeon.  I called.  The man is on vacation. I couldn’t see him until next Tuesday and his receptionist said I could be waiting hours in his waiting room.

I read up on the options on the web.  My surgeon is partial to saline implants.  Picture a sandwich baggie full of salt water stuffed under the breast muscles.  Now picture hugging somebody against that baggie.  I have trouble thinking of something more repulsive.  How to ruin a hug!

There are other options.  There are silicone filled baggies.  Same difference.  Then there’s double surgery where they take tummy fat and transplant it to the breast location.  Zow – for a word we weren’t even allowed to say when I was a kid, I have to use this word (breast) frequently now!  Like I really want double surgery, or a tummy tuck? They can also take the fat from thighs or buttocks. This kind of surgery causes months of soreness and restricted activity levels, and the transplanted fat cells still might die.  No thanks.  I’d way rather stuff my bra.

The more I thought about it, the more repulsive it all became, so I cancelled the appointment with the plastic surgeon and again asked the breast surgeon to give me a quick appointment.  I’ve got Passover next weekend, and a Film Festival shortly after that.  I want to be in shape for that Festival.  The sooner I get this over with, the better.

No word in my morning email from the breast surgeon.  No word from pathology if I’ll need chemo.  This is a stage 1 tumor.  And it’s causing this much chaos with my body and my life. 

It’s weird to have a potentially lethal disease and feel healthy.  I want to stay feeling healthy.

I want to get on with my life.  I'm doing EFT to try to stay calm.

Author tags:

reconstruction, surgery, cancer

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Wow, you have a full plate of stuff to deal with. I don't know how you will make all the decisions coming your way but I like that you think naturally. I'd hug you no matter what!
Just want you to know I just said a prayer for you. Thinking of you with peace and love.
Zanelle and Bernadine. Thank you! I don't know how the energy of prayer works, but I do think it helps.
You can do this and I am here for you for all venting needed.
You are doing the right thing.. the asbsolute right thing.
This kills me how people complain about free canadian health care.
I have two friends with cancer now and they are being treated quickly like their life depended on it.. which it does.

Nothing but love Lois.
I'm happy it's a stage 1! And I'm so unhappy you have to deal with the breast cancer disease; something the rest of us dread with our annual mammogram. Please let us know what we can do to help.
Deborah, Thanks for your offer. If something comes up, I'll ask. Meanwhile, I'm asking you to please do a monthly self-exam. That's how I found this. It was invisible to the mammogram machine. About 30% of breast cancers are not detectable by mammogram.
I am so sorry you have to deal with the chaos that is cancer. It sounds as tho you know what you want for your body, so stay with your choice. Doctors frequently think they know what we want, but it has to be our body, our choice. Take care--I hope you get to the Film Fest!
Make sure your surgeon is a certified breast surgeon and not a general surgeon who performs breast surgery. I have seen the work of good plastic surgeons and it is quite amazing. But remember to ask ffor the best and do your homework!
mypsyche, thanks. Dr. Levine, I don't care what the breast looks like I care what it hugs like. I'd rather hug without a baggie of salt water between me and my huggee. I am going to a highly regarded breast surgeon.
That word stage 1 is the best words of the whole piece. Hang in there, so to speak. You will eventually look upon all this as an incident that you had to get through, but you did! Quick healing to you.