Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 10, 2011 5:38PM

15 Things Middle Aged Women Love to do on Facebook

Rate: 39 Flag

Last week, a smart and funny 20 something blogger wrote a list of 15 Things White Girls Love to do on Facebook.  Herewith, an homage to her list, amended for the 40-something crowd:

Fifteen Things Middle-Aged Women Love to do on Facebook 

1.  Post lines from John Hughes movies or Smiths songs to elicit lots of comments waxing nostalgic about the 80’s.

2.  Ask their friends to check out this thing they wrote/thing they’re selling/business they’re starting/stuff they made and “like” their page.

3.  Crow about the marathon/5k/Zumba class/yoga workshop they just rocked, spurring a chorus of “you go, girl!” sentiments from pals. 

4.  Confess to binging on junk food via ironic status update: “OMG I totally earned this Snicker’s bar!!”

5.  Make generic and mysterious prayer requests:  “…could really use your prayers right now” will engender long comment threads of concern/offers of help/love-you-sweeties.

6.  Make you feel like you don’t care about victims of cancer/kids with disabilities/people with alzheimers disease because you failed to cut and paste their status update accusing you of same.

7.  Post incredibly gorgeous, professionally shot family portraits that make you and your perfectly attractive family feel hopelessly plain by comparison, especially if you have documented your kids’ entire school career only in grainy cell phone photos.

We paid good money to look this much better than you.

8.  Express righteous indignation at the shenanigans of politicians or candidates not from the party of choice.  Bonus points if link to Daily Show is included.

9.  Bemoan fleetingness of time by documenting children’s milestones (first day of high school/acquisition of driver’s license/Prom date) followed with OMG HOW DID THIS HAPPEN????

10.  Share bumper sticker aphorisms with wild abandon. 

So, so true.  OMG.
  

11.  Post “crazy” weekend schedule, including early wakeup times for soccer game/swim meet/academic decathlon as proof of devotion to children. Follow up later in the day with “so proud of Jr.” post including scores, times, placings from aforementioned extracurriculars.

12.  Publicly bite nails over status of college admissions, SAT scores, auditions, etc. (To be followed, natch, with OMG SO PROUD OF MY BABY when acceptance occurs.)

13.  Post pictures from glamorous vacation that is happening while everyone else is at work or buried in snow.  Being loaded, childless, or at exotic tropical locale will earn extra “I hate yous” in the comments. Bonus points if tropical locale is not in the western hemisphere.

Phuket, indeed
 

14.  Share detailed accounts of foodie meals with complicated terminology, “Totally sleepy after dinner of poached Chilean sea bass drizzled with garlic-infused EVOO, a chiffonade of basil, pureed summer squash with arugula and bosc pear salad washed down with a fab Sauvignon Blanc! Phew! Who wants to do the dishes?”

15.  Mourn passing of pop culture figures from youth:  “RIP, Colonel Potter. You will be missed.”

Love,

Kate, a middle-aged woman on Facebook, guilty of several of these things. 

*read more of my rantings herehere and here

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Comments

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HA! I admit I use FB to keep in touch with family, this was funny and very true.
OMG. You mean I'm not middle aged...I am too!!! Middle age gets younger every year, I understand. I have to admit, that I need a translator for your list of 15. Guess I'll have to make up my own.
I mostly post pictures of the inedible meal I've just made.
~r
I want to copy this and send it viral on FB! Good for a chuckle, and appropriate to several of my friends.
Feel free to copy and share the link, Phyllis! Thanks for the props, all. Glad I made you chuckle.
oh yeah, how about the ten bazillion photos of em in dance class with some anonymous stranger?
hilarious, guilty as charged on most counts.
This was soon the mark,my biterness matched yours, along my puzzlement. I hate, I HATE when people put what they eat on FB. Get a life!


Rated

D
LOL! (that would have been #3 on my list) But seriously, this was very funny. I enjoyed reading it! Congrats also on the Editor's Pick.
Kate, this is brilliant, funny, and spot-on. I'm going to post it on my FB right now for all my middle-aged lady friends to read.
Middle aged? You sound way younger than me, and I, dammit, am not middle aged yet!

PS lay off the Chilean sea bass! It's a very badly exploited species, and they kill 400,000 albatrosses a year in bycatch hunting it down.
http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/cr_seafoodwatch/download.aspx
[r] ... and your point is?

well done despite (?) being more loving than acerbic on the overall! This reminds me of a kinder, gentler version of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode about those broadcast "Xmas family summary letters." I am allergic to FB and have not all that much to brag about so I live in the non-FB bell jar. best, libby
This was a good'en! Off to post links on my FB wall!
YUP. Guilty. Hey - who you calling middle aged??
16. Masturbate to profile pics of men named Juan, Carlos, and Rodrigo.

Rodrigo means "he who is rich in glory." Indeed.

Rated.
I would totally relate to this, but I am not middle aged, I am only 40. I feel the urge to put on the Cure and give myself a home perm right now.
So tragically and hilariously true of me and most of my friends.
So tragically and hilariously true of me and most of my friends.
So now I have to write the 15 things 60 year old men do on FB?
Dunno why it took me so long to click on this blog Kate, but I'm glad I did. It's smart and funny and it sounds like it's close to the truth, though I'm sure there a few miscreants from our side who have committed these or worse sins. Thanks very much for the post.
Don't any of you women lurk?

As a man, I enjoy my daily lurk. It keeps me in touch with 15 things my female friends are doing.
I try to avoid posting such trifles for fear of being the 40-something facebooker you so wittily describe. Where I do endulge? Mini book reviews. I love to share what I'm reading. Unfortunately no one in my orbit seems to read much at all, or maybe they're just not reading the same stuff.

Come on guys, Steve Jobs was an icon. Can I at least get a "like"...damn!
Middle aged women and Facebook: A mile wide and an inch deep. Got it!

Good write!
Yup, just a few days ago I wrote: "Ok, how did I forget about Toblerone? ..." as a status update. I HAD forgotten about it, then say it at the bargain store. Now I feel 40 something although I am totally not....this is really clever!
This is hilarious and exactly the way it is!
Have you been looking at my newsfeed?! Great post! Rated:-)
Wow I guess we are all ore alike than different. Cheers to you and your list.
This was hilarious! I posted it to my Facebook page and got a bunch of funny comments, and 2 of my friends re-posted it as well. Don't forget #16 of the middle age lady FB tricks: using digital software to change appearance as not to look "too" middle-aged. Cheerio!
How did I wind up having more friends who fit in this list than the 20something list?
AHAHAHAHA. Guilty, guilty, and guilty.
I'm a male who just left his forties and I just couldn't take Facebook anymore I had to deactivate my account. It is so high school all over again. Women do seem to take to it and have hundreds and hundreds of "friends." I put friends in quotes because I know what a real friend is. The 16 or so "friends" I had on Facebook would never respond and some of them I didn't even know. Unfortunately, as Facebook takes over other areas of the internet it's hard to make comments on other sites without being able to log in with a Facebook account, so my days of deactivation may be numbered.
A lot of those things apply to OS also.
Just post a blog about how you've been abused/drinking/disappointed/fired/jilted/disappointed and you're certain to draw a crowd.
#6 epitomizes my 40-something year old aunt's Facebook persona. They always end with, like, "I know my true friends will copy and paste this." It drives me crazy.

Maybe it's just the women in my family who do this, but I would add #16, being really reluctant to make an account ("it's a waste of time") and then being really sheepish about it/acting like it's a big deal ("I finally made one, ha-ha-ha!") when they make one.
ha ha (gulp!) ha ha....
So, put simply: they use FB to bla, bla, bla...
This was sadly? spot on for quite a few people I know! Myself included in quite a few of these. Thanks for the chuckle...
I will only admit to #2 (OS blogs) and #10. So I'm only partly middle aged? Which most likely doesn't mean what I wish it did.
I now see Facebook in a new light...
I am gulity of 1, 9, and 15. Really wish I could be gulity of number 13.
You hit the nail on the head, Farmer Ted.