When I wrote my memoir in 2009, my main purpose was to delve into my life and re examine it with the hope of finding answers to what still danced like question marks in my mind. I was also determined, whether I found those answers or not, to own my life and release the trapped ghosts in order to move on with my future.
"Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind."
~ Buddha ~
Having done so, when I look at myself now and remember my past self, I am deeply happy that I have accomplished what I willed. More than anything. Except the well-being and the love of my daughter and my son. I am at peace with myself; I am at peace with those by whom I've been hurt; I am at peace with the world. This is my personal world.
"Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others"
~ Lama Yeshe ~
My peaceful personal world is judged and misjudged by too many, although it is nobody's business and I find it rather intrusive. Their view is distorted by their own suppressing or denial of whatever issues they may have. They find their strength and power in numbers and “Aye!” saying. Well, the reality is that doesn't change the facts; it just alters their own“reality” to their own comfort level.
These individuals like to maintain their snug little niche buy following each other, spying for each other, and supporting each other instantaneously in comments without giving a rational thought to those of others. Any differing opinion, or pointing to a non-judgemental view is considered to be supporting racism, biased, or bigot.
They resurrect from long leaves to preach manners and morality to whom they are but novices at both, while others, confused, as to their identity – chicken? or man? – drop in to slander and insult some one repeatedly with lies, akin to a fisherman’s tale. Meanwhile I feel sad that an intelligent piece of submission has been massacred by the closed mindedness and hate spewed, ironically, by the very same group of people so intent on focusing and highlighting the bad instead of extolling on the virtues of their friend's writing.
What a loss of good intentions!
"Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest."
~ Sri Chinmoy ~
I've kept my silence, occasionally reminding my insulter that I never received an apology, and although I tried to attribute it to the character he displayed to me on and off OS[not a personal one]. I am, after all, human. Human beings get hurt. If they are hurt, they should directly go to the person who hurt them, and ask :Why? I have never received an explanation, except for what he promotes as incorrect and biased information and lies against me, as well as repeated insults with misogynistic tones and ugly words.
Then there's the one who remains silent for a long time, egging on all her friends to attack me, before she decides it is time I ended the discussion on my own blog with other writers who were carrying on a dialogue, until she sent her friends to derail my post on Critical Thinking into making it a “veiled attack against her”. (Since, I've learned this seems to be a common practice among this group - even among themselves as was the case recently.)
There are others who wake up at beck and call to deflect intelligent comments and to dumb any one who questions one of their ideas, or asks an reasonable question (They get a blanket “Thank you” or their words are automatically interpreted as "personal attacks").
Then there's the one who blatantly tells you not to read her blog any more because you did not call a comment “racist” like everyone of her faithful friends did and expressed a different idea. Not because you condoned the comment, because you never did and hoped that would be understood by such insightful people who adamantly insist to know how and what you think. That, after your personal note thanking her for her piece, expressing sorrow at how it got derailed, hoping that it gets the readership it deserves on its merit, and stating one more time that you are not racist, biased or a bigot.
“Nice try, Fusun ” begins the reply.
Nice try for what, for heavens sake?
I don't intend to annoy anyone. I call out wrong when I see one, but I've kept silent many times here because this is not a real world where people have one face and personality. On the other hand, there are very real people with real names, lives, families, and reputations who contribute their intellectual works on this site.
I am one of them.
Open Salon may be a social site, but it is also a writers' site. It is not a Face Book, or a gossip site. It is not where people write slanderous, libellous, insulting lies about reputable, respected individuals whose works are published, and who have received recognition in both career related and volunteering endeavours.
Nor is it a place to insult anyone. It is plain immoral and wrong to do so. Shame on you for doing just that – blatantly – and scratching around like some fowl compaASS of illperceived morality!
To the rest, my word of advice to you:
Be kind to others as you would be to yourselves, and do not talk behind peoples' backs.
Let them know face to face (or pm to pm) what is bothering you.
Do not use third parties. Yes, another member to be your advocate.
Rate someone's post if you say you did; have the courtesy to check your rate and dot not lie. Read what you rate and comment, do not jump on the bandwagon just because you are friends.
Do not assume anything about people from hearsay or what you imagine in your mind.
Reading about a person's life does not make one know what that person is all about; it is akin to reading history and not knowing the historic figures personally.
And most important of all, this quote from one of my favourite writers.
" Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
You're all forgiven.
♥ Peace and Goodwill to you All! ♥
Füsun Atalay ~ Author of Will of my Own - 2009