OCTOBER 11, 2012 1:18PM

Big Bird to Moderate Tonight's Vice Presidential Debate

Big Bird. Mitt Romney.

PBS executives have announced plans to install iconic muppet Big Bird in the moderator's chair for tonight's vice presidential debate. In related news, tonight's previously scheduled moderator - ABC News Chief Correspondent Martha Raddatz - and former moderator Jim Lehrer, are both reported… Read full post »

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AUGUST 31, 2012 11:00AM

GOP: Obama Also Stole Nation's Onion Ring Supply

GOP Convention- Tampa, FL

GOP Convention Tampa

Continuing to air a laundry list of grievances against the current administration, GOP lawmakers hammered President Obama Wednesday for failing to discover the lost city of Atlantis and for not inventing a 12-cylinder sports car that runs on Mountain Dew.

"President… Read full post »

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AUGUST 29, 2012 12:22PM

Obama Shot Abe Lincoln; What I Learned from the GOP

Tampa, FL

It seemed cosmically appropriate that Hurricane Isaac would be bearing down on New Orleans as the GOP broke out their fiddles last night. Even more appropriate that Chris Christie, the party's Nero-sized bacchanalian superhero-in-waiting, would be on hand to give the keynote address./… Read full post »

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AUGUST 2, 2012 9:32AM

Chick-fil-A: “Gay Chicken” Sandwiches for Boston Franchise

Boston, MA

Representatives from Atlanta-based Chick-fil-A announced today that an agreement has been reached with Boston city officials to allow for the opening of a Chick-fil-A franchise by the end of 2012. According to sources at city hall, Boston’s Chick-fil-A store will serve &l/… Read full post »

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JULY 9, 2012 12:42PM

WI Man Has Baffling Urge to “Punch Mitt Romney in the Face"

 

A Wisconsin man gave voice to a growing conservative uncertainty Friday when he went public with a bizarre claim of blood lust. ”I want to punch Mitt Romney in the face and I don’t know why,” a visibly confused J. Stanford Williams proclaimed. “I can’t/… Read full post »

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JULY 8, 2012 5:17PM

Election 2012- Tales from the Republican Funhouse: Part 1


The late Hank Williams Jr. An inestimable loss. Hank is survived by his 7th wife, Rita and that stupid, goofy beard.

Las Vegas, Tues. October 19th

Not a week after Hank Williams Jr. earned the ire of Fox News Corp. by comparing President Obama to Adolph Hitler

… Read full post »
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JULY 7, 2012 9:26AM

WalMart Apologizes for Under-Performing Chinese Labor Slaves

Faced with a projected shortage of beach-wear and associated leisure products this vacation season, sheepish WalMart executives are apologizing for the lack of production in their Chinese slave factories.

“It’s not something we saw coming,” laments Owen Morrell, WalMart’… Read full post »

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JULY 3, 2012 11:21AM

Indifferent God Admits, “My Heart’s Just Not in It, Anymore"

God (Yaweh, The Creator) admitted Tuesday to a growing disinterest with the world’s general welfare, referring to the people of Earth as “pissy little stinkbodies” and using the word “meh” to describe His current level of enthusiasm.

The Almighty (Maker of The Tid… Read full post »

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JULY 3, 2012 10:11AM

Cheese Statue of Abe Lincoln Wins SC Congressional Seat

Jasper, SC

“Cheddar Abe,” South Carolina’s new congressman-elect.

Citizens of South Carolina’s 2nd congressional district voted Monday to elect a cheddar cheese-statue of Abraham Lincoln to the House of Representatives, becoming the first district in American history… Read full post »

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