A Freaky Investigation: BIG FOOT

Freaky Troll

Location: Bottom of Purse, Washington,
Birthday: November 11

Bio: I like cake, and cake activities. Please tell me about your cake IN DETAIL. ---------------------------------------------------- Member of the Troll Women Activist Team. ---------------------------------------------------- Creator of Prop. Cake ---------------------------------------------------- Puts the "Open" into Open Salon ---------------------------------------------------- Victim of Zerry's jealousing ---------------------------------------------------- I MUST LAND ON SALON'S FRONT PAGE. IT'S MY RIGHT! LOOKIT! _________________________________ FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK: FREAQUI TROLL

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AUGUST 30, 2009 8:24PM

Rate: 42 Flag

I've noticed a trend. Recently Sasquatch has become very hip, happening, NOW. I decided to do a bit of groovy investigation. My close, personal, admirererer Barry Doyle sent me this informative guide and Big Foot listening device:

I staked out the local bakery and hunkered down for surveillance and samples. I turned up this:

and this:

and this:

Look at it, you know you want it... that's right, you want it BAD.

....I forgot what I'm talking about...

Oh, that's right, Big Foot.

I was flat out exhausted from my surveillance. I went home for a nice lie down. I was shocked, shocked I tell you, to find evidence of Sasquatch right in our very home!

I knew that wouldn't be enough evidence for you skepticing people. I stayed on the case, researching and researching. Then I turned up irrefutable video evidence of Sasquatch:

Obviously the poor large fellow shot this shaky footage of me. He's probably crushing all over me.

So that's another mystery solved by me, Freaky Troll Investigative Reporter. Next assignment: Project 'Nessy!

Author tags:

cryptozoology, freakyology, cakeology, videology, opensalonology, meology, zerryology, martiniology

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Comments

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At all costs, keep him away from your betrothed, Joan!

Sally Swift

August 30, 2009 08:34 PM

That's bacon! Sally, Big Foot is catering.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 08:35 PM

That's what I call research. Take a lesson people.

denese

August 30, 2009 08:39 PM

that bacon is evil. evil bacon.

Auxarc

August 30, 2009 08:41 PM

Evil Bacon would make a good investigation too.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 08:44 PM

someone's got the shakey cam technique nailed.

(I love love love the Bigfoot memoir...I laughed and laughed--but Freaky, wasn't the package from Amazon addressed to someone else?)

bbd

August 30, 2009 08:46 PM

Freaky, the vid is something else - at least he had the decency to keep his distance without a proper introduction . . . or is there more to the story . . .

How DID you get the vid from him?

I think there's more, um, afoot . . .

Owl_Says_Who

August 30, 2009 08:47 PM

May I have the donut with the blue "Froot Loop" on it?

spotted_mind

August 30, 2009 08:47 PM

BB the package had the ape's name on it. I gave the package to her. I knew the stuff inside was for me. The ape likes to play with boxes and such, so that was thoughtful of you to think to give it to her.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 08:52 PM

Whooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaah, Freaky. You have blown my mind!

Verbal Remedy AKA Denise

August 30, 2009 08:59 PM

Donut, mmmmmm....

ocularnervosa

August 30, 2009 09:06 PM

You are the sleuth of sleuths. The paragon of pink and the keeper of all things cake. Nessy doesn't stand a chance. The Yeti will be snow blinded by your plastic body in all it's nekked glory. Still you may want to put on a sweater if you plan a trip to the Himalayas.

Michael Rodgers

August 30, 2009 09:12 PM

Did you take a bath after sticking your body in that shoe? Take it from me. Just do it. I say that to a guy when I know I'm about to have bad sex too.

O'Really?

August 30, 2009 09:16 PM

I hate maple bars. They're like puffy pancakes with attitude.

Deven McKay

August 30, 2009 09:16 PM

That's why I like maple bars.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:16 PM

I won't believe it's him until I see his birth certificate.

cheshyre grin

August 30, 2009 09:17 PM

You are setting a new standard in investigative reporting/journalism. You might consider offering your services to Columbia. A stint in NYC might be refreshing, and there's a cake shop on every corner!

Ablonde

August 30, 2009 09:17 PM

You having sex with a shoe? That would make for a great blog post.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:18 PM

If I taught, I could wear a really sexy pencil skirt and eat cupcakes.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:19 PM

I'm not jealousing. No. After all, I have had cupcakes with bacon on top. I am jealousing!!! My own dear darling is chasing all over the countryside after a giant (really big giant) beastmanthing!!!

Robin Sneed

August 30, 2009 09:24 PM

JK...light the crotch thing...oooh...you know those surgeon lights that are strapped on the head...those are fun...xox

Robin Sneed

August 30, 2009 09:25 PM

I could help you investigate the next time you head to the bakery.

tai

August 30, 2009 09:27 PM

I wasn't trying to date him!

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:27 PM

Today at Rocket Donuts in Bellingham, a similar maple bar was eaten by our grandboy Aidan. He says that these are the very best maple bars on earth and the Sasquatch better keep his big, big paws out of Rocket Donuts. All I can witness to is that the Apple Fritter Aidan and Grampa brough me was exceedingly large and delicious.

Dr. Susanne Freeborn

August 30, 2009 09:29 PM

::THUD::

Next time I'm getting two and putting an egg between them.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:31 PM

Cindy...and surgeon lights that strap onto the head. I'm the doctor...you're a person who likes doctors with lights on their heads...

And Freaky...you were running after that furrything like a lust driven troll. You are a lust driven troll. I forgot. I am sorry, my darling for displaying my jealousy.

Robin Sneed

August 30, 2009 09:32 PM

It's hard not to be lust driven when faced by a bacon topped maple bar.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:42 PM

She lent the diary to me. I'm thinking of serializing it.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:48 PM

Yes, that's a bacon maple bar. That chip is chocolate. That's a red velvet buttercream donut.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 09:49 PM

Cindy...I could just tell...the bonnet gave it away...xox

Robin Sneed

August 30, 2009 10:07 PM

Yes, the video is conclusive.

Steve Blevins

August 30, 2009 10:12 PM

One must be able to see what one is eating..

Robin Sneed

August 30, 2009 10:25 PM

The big fella was probably trying out his new iPhone. He has a lot of time on his hands since he lost the Sonics gig.
(Freaky, BTW, what exactly *is* a wedding cake martini?)

Donna Sandstrom

August 30, 2009 10:29 PM

Bacon on a Maple Bar? HOT DAMN! :)

LadyMiko

August 30, 2009 10:48 PM

Before the Emmys I am getting a maple bar. Do calories count for trolls?

bazz

August 30, 2009 10:59 PM

holy cow! a little cream? a little chocolate? a lot of nuts? an obsessed pinky troll? Clits? Lights? Bacon? and BIG FEET? (and we ALL know what that means?) .......
::a trickle of sweat rolls down her brow::
::she fans herself and walks away::

Fabflamingo

August 30, 2009 11:19 PM

That video is incontrovertible proof, as if any was needed, that Big Foot not only exists, but knows how to operate a cam corder. What about the chupacabra though? Surely an evil goatsucker like that wouldn't even bother getting you in frame as much as Sasquatch did.

nanatehay

August 30, 2009 11:21 PM

I know it's been said so often that you're tired of hearing it, but I just gotta say it one more time. YOU ARE COMPLETELY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!! Thanks for listening. I feel better now! D

Yarn Over

August 30, 2009 11:28 PM

I just fired up the BBQ and roasted marshmallows, assembled smores and left them in there a few minutes to make soup of the chocolate inside. Grandboy is having Smores and Simpsons all at once and is as happy as nine years old gets...wishes he could share with you. The marshmallow charcoal is perfect! Just like FTroll is quite perfect.

Dr. Susanne Freeborn

August 30, 2009 11:31 PM

OoOoOOoo!!! S'mores are an exotic treat for my kind. We can't run the risk of shooting up in flames with the marshmallows.

Freaky Troll

August 30, 2009 11:45 PM

I've never been able to make my camera take video, which means that Sasquatch is more advanced than me. I find that disturbing, but not too much.

Sirenita Lake

August 30, 2009 11:55 PM

Freaky, I imagine S'mores are like blowfish for you...a delicacy and yet deadly.

Robin Sneed

August 31, 2009 12:00 AM

Well, I'm convinced. I'm a little spooked by the bacon and the apple fritter, but I'm convinced.

odetteroulette

August 31, 2009 12:04 AM

oh, I don't like maple bars but now I want to go out and buy one and put bacon on it just to see what it tastes like...I'm so suggestible.

marcelleqb

August 31, 2009 12:17 AM

Tempt Bigfoot with donuts. It works with most guys! I have a feeling BF is an IT worker with a barely there goatee, and wears skinny jeans.

LuisG

August 31, 2009 12:33 AM

That is the type that usually finds me irrestible.

Freaky Troll

August 31, 2009 12:39 AM

I'm convinced. Now back to experimenting with bacon.

Stim

August 31, 2009 12:41 AM

It's time for Bigfoot to build his brand. He's definitely positoned to grow. He should consider ramping up and taking it to the next level. Maybe the Oprah show.

noah tawls

August 31, 2009 12:50 AM

Freaky, you should never have to prepare Smores, they should be served to you by taller creatures who don't have to get so close to the fire to properly toast the marshmallows. Can't you train your ape in these simple tasks?

Dr. Susanne Freeborn

August 31, 2009 02:53 AM

Try this again....

Bacon, donuts AND Bigfoot? OH my, this is the ultimate post!! Everyone can leave now!!! :)

Rated.

Tinkerertink69

August 31, 2009 04:30 AM

Big fun
rated

micalpeace

August 31, 2009 10:22 AM

I have to know what is going on with Bat Boy next!

zumalicious

September 01, 2009 03:32 AM

Fabflamingo writes:"BIG FEET? (and we ALL know what that means?) ......."

Sorry, but that's another urban (or rural) legend.

If big feet were predicate of a big Johnson, wouldn't there be more clowns in porn videos?

When you're done with sasquatch and batboy, I suggest you look into that most evil substance, baconaise.