Seems like only yesterday there was a SPAM uprising. That didn't work. The spammers went underground and re-emerged with sophisticated super duper captcha fighting softwares.
Now, we are faced with the error terror of 2012. Last I heard from my sources in nearby Malau, the Palau error handlers lost the war to Module renderers.
I was sure that the show of force against spammers coupled with the the arrival of Jacob Sugarman was to usher in a halcyon era of Open Salon. A nutty dustup made the place seem sour , and made us realize that we are fewer than we thought, but hey that dust, as dust does, settled. Also, it’s always darkest before the dawn, yes? No?
Sugarman was even artfully hinting that we start realizing that we can all go viral( or at least be "most viewed,") if we crafted our titles just so. Big Salon was watching too!
I knew that he was right. I had to just write " Paul Ryan's gay romp with Prince Harry," and my reach would go beyond the 10 or 20 or 80 people that still(touchingly) keep showing up here.
It took me awhile to sell out.
Today, I awoke, and told pride and dignity to fuck off. It was time I courted readers in the triple digits. I composed a post with the title:, " 25 things I learned from Michelle Obamas Speech about Math at the DNC."
When I hit “ publish” I hoped I handled virality with grace. I hoped the hubris that was sucked out of me by force wouldn’t rear its ugly head and make me strut. I hoped my piquant musings , once viral, would result in money flooding in ways that would have me googling “ethical money managers.”
Little did I know (little did we know!) that Palau is plagued by Betablock modules and that they and MessagModules were involved in intractable intercine warfare with virulent NULL NULLS.
Little did we know that somewhere in Vermont, Jacob Sugarman, was mistaken for a muskrat by LKwalker, and trapped.
www.huffingtonpostOSeditortrappedbyviolentyogaafficionado.com
Instead of worldwide acclaim this is what I got! At least they give us details.
Lots of errors occurred!An error occurred, then the error handler crashed while trying to handle the error. Whoops!Here are the details of the original error:#0 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/api/Message/Message.php(178): Dal::query('SELECT * from {...', Array)#1 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/web/BetaBlockModules/MessageModule/MessageModule.php(101): Message::load_folder_for_user(71504, 'Inbox', true)#2 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/web/BetaBlockModules/MessageModule/MessageModule.php(41): MessageModule->generate_inner_html()#3 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/api/PageRenderer/PageRenderer.php(366): MessageModule->render()#4 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/web/mymessage.php(168): PageRenderer->__construct('setup_module', 15, 'fernsy - Inbox ...', 'container_one_c...', 'os_header.tpl', 'private', 'Homepage', Object(stdClass))#5 {main}Here are the details of the second error:SELECT R.relation_id FROM salon.open.relations R, salon.open.users U WHERE R.user_id = '71504' AND R.relation_id > 0 AND R.relation_id=U.user_id AND U.is_active<>0 GROUP BY R.relation_id [nativecode=FATAL: terminating connection due to administrator command server closed the connection unexpectedly This probably means the server terminated abnormally before or while processing the request.]#0 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/api/Relation/Relation.php(122): Dal::query('SELECT R.relati...', Array)#1 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/web/includes/classes/Navigation.php(704): Relation::get_relations(71504, false)#2 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/api/PageRenderer/PageRenderer.php(116): Navigation->get_links()#3 /var/www/html/open.salon.com/urlPalau/web/includes/functions/html_generate.php(157): PageRenderer->__construct(NULL, NULL, 'Error 100: SELE...', 'opensalon_three...', 'os_header.tpl')#4 [internal function]: exception_handler(Object(PAException))#5 {main}TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Global Rev
Christine Murray
AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent
Dr. Julie Armstrong
Paul J. O'Rourke
Steve Kenny
Salon.com
Comments
`
They cost $13.00.
Editors sip water.
'Um chew tobacco.
Maybe they okay?
`
They ferment bananas?
They visit county fairs?
They bob for pig feet?
`
Maybe they sip cider?
Apple Cider. O, Burps.
'Um cook sugar Beets?
`
I love rice and beans.
Ay, Thanks. Honesty.
I Love You Humans.
`
Good Night.
Blessed Rest.
News wears me.
I say` I pooped.
That's so sleepy.
Lezlie
Good one!
Lezlie: What Myriad said. Own it! Good to see you.
Myriad: Where's Mumbletepeg to save him? And, yes, sweet Lezlie did make a freudian slip.
I tried 5 times to rate this- but it wouldn't take. Stupid rate button.
I did enjoy your post. Title is great.
Rated.
Ian Curtis: Thanks for trying. So it was a tsunami? The huffington post stinks.
Scylla! So good to see you. I want to access my inbox to get your real email and can't. Unreal. Exactly, why hire these people when all they do is give false hope. False hope is for the birds. xoo
HerrRdR: I'll send you the video link ASAP. LK walker has the eeriest smile and Emily's expression is chilling
What's up w Palau?
What's up w New york?
San Fran? Bismarck??
R
I too noticed that Emily and LK disappeared at the same time. That makes so much sense, actually.
Stay tuned for the new book by Emily Holleman/LK Walker:
"My Days as a Canadian Trapper and the Dead, Perfectly-Formed Animal Ears I've Cooed In."
*or*
"The Corpse Pose and Me: Creating Yogic Postures from Dead Animals for Fun and Personal Healing"
*sigh*
Thought OS was a goner this morning.
Sad to say, but I barely cared at this point...
I too noticed that Emily and LK disappeared at the same time. That makes so much sense, actually.
Stay tuned for the new book by Emily Holleman/LK Walker:
"My Days as a Canadian Trapper and the Dead, Perfectly-Formed Animal Ears I've Cooed In."
*or*
"The Corpse Pose and Me: Creating Yogic Postures from Dead Animals for Fun and Personal Healing"
*sigh*
Thought OS was a goner this morning.
Sad to say, but I barely cared at this point...
Will comment back to my lovely commenters the minute i get back from taking the old girl to the doctor. So sick of the Cedars Sinai and their constant wash your hand posters in the elevators!
One says, " Be a hero. Wash your hands."
Heroism doesn't get easier.
Stay strong, OS, Friends. Palau's king has just been killed in a coup and the new leader is a gentle plutocrat.
Tink:Skinned and headless? Now, I'm starting to worry.
MargaretF: Ha. Don't think so but it would be a scoop.
Trig: Yep. Bismark. LOL on your comment.
SteeleBreeze:It's amazing. Where do they go? What goes on in their "offices." I wish we could plant a spy.
JT: I hate to say LOL again but LOL on your hilarious book titles. I don't want to lose touch with folks like you and all who commented here and so I keep handling the errors, no pun intended.
GeraldA: It's bound to just die any day. Till, then we're still a sweet little bunch that keeps the faith despite all indications that were are disregarded suckers.
Cranky: Thanks buddy. I wish this place didn't have to mirror the random nonsense that is my current life.