In my last post there was some unintended but implicit suggestion that cancer is some punishment for sin. Or, that any bad thing that might befall someone is due to their bad acts. I do not believe this. I have known many great people who have suffered all sorts of catastrophes. My father died of cancer and he was a good guy. So was my great grandfather and great grandmother. I've been going through a bizarrely rough time . I wouldn't want others to ascribe divine punishment as the reason.
The post was written in the spirit of storytelling more than anything. A " can you believe this insane new development ???!!!" kind of thing.
Mulling it over, I can see how it's really an inside story that I should have only shared with those who understood enough of the complicated story behind it all. I apologize to any cancer sufferer, or anyone undergoing tragic events, who might have thought I was implying that it was in any way some form of punishment. Truly, not my intent, or my belief.
Peace, as they say.
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Sorry for my long comment, but this has gone far enough to my thinking. Is there a blogging and commenting police here in OS, having as their motto the words 'period ' and the ' I call them as I see them'' attitude as their argument, cause if their is one, I want to know about it. Cause trully, I do not need a self awarded police or a judge for my comments and my works, since I am adult enough not to hurt or insult anyone in here.
All the best with your justice ordeal. Trully.
Again, very thoughtful.
Forget all this OSBS and concentrate on winning that damn thing!
¡¡¡Suerte al máximo!!!
Lunchlady: I actually thought about you before I deleted it. I can't thank you enough for your lovely comment. In the end, something was off about in that it seemed to say that bad things happen to bad people. And, that's just not right or true.
Stathi Stathi: Litigation is a nightmare. Sorry you know of it. All the best to you to.
JT: xoo- I really did mean it that way. Ah, it's now toast. Thanks, and see my response to Cranky and know that you were being talked about in some LA apartment building.
AndeBliss: I was wondering if there was some full moon. OS felt really strange this weekend. I might have unwittingly contributed to that. Thanks for you wishes. Back atcha-- if you need any resolution.
A good example to follow.
I know it is your conscience in the end, but that is the glory of living in freedom and that is writing in freedom. And not letting anyone rule your words or thoughts, stifling you to be polite because anything more is too painful
Weird times around here of late, in the last few days I've read things written here filled with such hate that I have trouble believing I'm on OS.
Removing a post so as not to accidentally offend demonstrates a fine heart and a grand soul.
Rated for the lesson herein.
Rita: Thank you. Making it right is good stuff.
DSL: I struggled with that but concluded that I failed with the expression of the story . It seemed to have hurt some people, and just not want I want to do. It's some story if you know the backstory but few here do know it, so it came across wrong, I think. Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
Scylla: A poster who suffered from cancer seemed to find it offensive. OS does feel really strange and I hope it passes. Love ya Scylla ( you would be too much so the ya.)
@Cranky, no sweat, it's just my equalizer.
You know, I would not know who Tig Notaro is except for your posts here. From time to time, I had tried to read and follow some of your posts about your issues with her, but in most cases it just was not possible. But when I saw this news about Tig Notaro, I immediately thought of you, and supposed you'd think she deserved all her troubles. Then I came on OS and found your whole lengthy and not always coherent post about it. All about people shouldn't mess with you, how bad things happen when they do, and about Tig Notaro's recent troubles, culminating in a possible breast cancer diagnosis.
There was ample, ample room for my interpretation of your words, especially seasoned with the history of the situation having followed this saga for what? a couple of years now? with you here.
But I am glad to hear that it was not your intention.
Anyway, that picture of your mom always makes me part angry and part sad, like I want to scream and cry. God I wish this was over for you. Know that you are loved.
I missed your story entirely.Do you have it saved at a private account?I would like to read it.For that you can have my private account.The nonsense about punishment has its roots in fundamental belief like exorcism.People who think and act this way are very dangerous and should be watched carefully.
I hope you and your family are doing fine.
There is a nice proverb I want to share with you:
Turn your face toward the sun and the shade will fall behind you.
Take care,and best regards with love for your mom.
~R~
Did I rate this?
~R~
KellyLark: Funny thing is I never heard of Tig Notaro either until she decided to turn me into her stalker for her own sick thrills. Such malicous lies led to catastrophic pain and damages and it appears she never thought twice. In order for her to cover up for her lies she kept upping the lies and the picture above, and other terrible things happened to me and my family. She absolutely does deserve everything she gets. And, that comes from a place of objectivity. Come to court on the 29th if you can because there I will be able to show what she has done in a methodical way . It will leave no doubt that she is a deeply cruel human being who god would loathe if indeed there is a god. If you knew what she did you' d have no trouble agreeing. But, the piece was written too quickly and the fatal flaw of it was that it seemed as if suffering was deserved by a cancer sufferer or someone enduring tragedy. I saw Greenherons comment elsewhere and then arrived at the decision to just delete.
I don't know what your conflict was with the woman, and don't know much about the woman, except what was recently published in the press. Apparently, she gave an unforgettable show a few nights ago that will go down in comedy history. I relate to that. Cancer can turn you into a real comedian. Put a bunch of cancer survivors together in a room, and well–you'd have to be there.
You said somewhere that you hope I never have to go to court. I was a principal in a two year civil suit. My mother also died, and I've had a breast cancer diagnosis, as has my sister, and an assortment of close friends and colleagues. The courtroom is indeed a place of stress, frustration, and fear. The visitation room where your mother is laid out in her coffin, and the operating room, where you lie down and let someone mutilate your body in the hope that you'll get to live some more, these places are also about stress, frustration, and fear, and something else: death. You haven't had those latter things happen to you yet, so of course you did not know. But you do know suffering.
Suffering is our common experience. Everyone suffers. Through it, you can connect with others. It is ignorance and/or denial that separates, the notion of the other. If you can't get into the other's shoes, you can at least respect the shoes.
You made a wise choice to remove your post. It's a good effort. Perhaps your next action will be to examine why your initial action was misguided and unwise, and own that. We are all stumbling around, trying to figure things out. The only tools we have are to try and remain open, and to pay attention to when we are not, and to try again.
Nanatahay: Integrity and courage are great compliments. I think I'll have to send you some xo's in a pm. Be warned.
Doris: Was thinking about you yesterday. With all the crap that has been flying around OS just knowing people like you and some others has made it more than worthwhile. My mother is quite fond of you BTW- She can't say your screenname at all but nevertheless she always says, " Who's this le whore blou she's smart ," and I say, " Mommy, it's Doris. You know Doris already. She never says anything stupid."
Heidi: I saved it and will send it to you. It's a private piece I guess . Thanks and best to you always.
Alysa: Appreciate it. Yeah, "negative vibes" is a great way to describe it. But, I really appreciate that you took the time and effort to see what I was going for. You always do.
Blessings to you in abundance.
There has beenmurder in town many years ago.The man was incarcerated and eventually died of cancer.
Before he died,he had had a positive confrontation with the mother of the victim.Now this was a challenge for either one.
How is your mom doing?
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r.
Greenheron: I never said it was vindication. Nor did I ever feel vindicated by that bit of information. I did however feel a really tripped out unease and it was a novel experience. As you said, a lot of grey area. But, it is black and white that falsely accusing a stranger and then using your law firm, Lavely and Singer, and this law firms connections to decimate this stranger is very wrong. That's a very concise explanation of what Tig Notaro would do and continue to do for over four years now. I did not say that I wish that you never go to court. I said I wish you never were falsely accused of crimes that you never would dream of much less commit. That is a novel hell, I assure you. Especially when such lies come from a known comedian and the lies morph into more and more and more malicous lies for year after year while you just gasp for air, when you are not too mired in jail and competency schemes and just the fall outs from a very malicous prosecutions. Then, you are stuck with a story that sounds unbelievable. That really sucks.
google lavely and singer or marty singer when you get a chance. There is a blog" dirty secrets" that covers some of it and is written by a paralegal who worked for him.
Suddenly, you are branded a stalker and a creep and a weirdo when these types of descriptions never had or never would apply. Her lies were the result of evil, bullying, complete disregard for the humanity of a three human beings who never did her any harm . Cancer is a hell and one I know of but have not experienced. I know suffering and I also know that I do my very best not to inflict suffering on others. Tig Notaro does not know this. If you knew what she did I assure you you would have no problem wishing upon her absolutely anything. If she did it to you or a loved one you would not have a problem wishing on her every plague ever invented. When I write or talk I aim for honesty. I did that in that post, and you expressed outrage or hurt. That hurt me. I've always liked you. I just won't pretend that now I have learned the error of my ways and that the initial post was "misguided or unwise." I will agree that it was a story reserved for those who knew crucial facts and that it made me feel slightly hinky in that it seemed to say that suffering is earned by bad acts. The crux of the post was that I don't have any firm beliefs in anything but my god what the hell is this and how do I process it. There is a very bitter irony in her doing great sets when she did everything in her power(and she is powerful) to make sure I don't do any sets. She did so in ways that are too foul to believe. But, you can't know about all those things and so I have no regrets in taking it down.
HeidiB: Ah, a full moon. Figures. Go away full moon. Go away. Interesting story about August 29. Wish I could hear it in full.
Then, an umbrella too! Life is on the upswing!
Sincerely,
Fernsy Dajkpa
Jonathan: You sound like my mama. Any response to that will make me sound stupid but ... lots of spiritual work to do before I can change my screenanme to Fernsy Christ. Just kidding !!!
@STAHI STAHI: unless you have ever been attacked yourself for no other reason than your nationality, race or culture, you might not understand what I meant by "I call 'em as I see 'em." These two incidents, which, by the way you are judging me for as being " a blogging and commenting police here in OS, having as their motto the words 'period ' and the ' I call them as I see them'' attitude as their argument...," are two great examples of how important it is to choose the words we write carefully, because their tone and intention are not always obvious to a reader.
You tell me: Is it the writer's fault or the reader's fault when the reader interprets the words on the page differently than the writer intended?
Lezlie
"I never said it was vindication."
If not vindication, what does your assessment that she has received what she deserves mean then to you?
Very interesting question. I hope others weigh in. Some readers seem to get meaning from things that I just fail to see on any level. So, the question then becomes complex. Sometimes, the writer just doesn't do a great job and it is up to them to fix it. But, often they don't fix it and that is their right too just as it is the readers right to take offense. In the instance of my deleted post, it's obviously disputable ,while say with rwnutjobs post it is mostly not in dispute. Ah, it's getting more and more complex now. But, basically, I think it's like porn again: You know it when you see it. The question then moves to it's also in the eye of the beholder. Help!
Greenheron: I know in my heart and soul that she deserves anything she might get. Truthfully, I can't help but think that if she makes amends things will lighten for her. But, that feels like some fundie thinking and is not comfortable. Vindication in this case is about her having the grace and wisdom to finally admit that she invented all she said about me and my family and that such malicous inventions caused us grevious harm. More than four years have passed and there appears to be no hope for this. So, then vindication must become the courts( real courts and then court of public opinion) and the judge ruling on a motion that will entail me presenting the "conclusive' evididence of her "malicous lies" to police and prosecutors(and others in the defamation cause of action) These lies were repeated over and over again but now overwhelming evidence exists that no "reasoanble person" can ignore. her lawyer wants her to have immunity but if i show she lied and lied with malice those immunities don't exist. Thanks for asking.
As for the get what she deserves: I think she was hit with epically bad things but all along she was offered a way out and she made choices. I think she hit me with epically bad things. I know she did. So, I don't see the corrolation with vindication but do feel as if some eye for eye stuff is going on. It's a fleeting and uneasy feeling but a true one.
Greenheron again: Thinking about "vindication" some more. For over four years my world made very little sense. One day i was fine (but struggling) and then just no sense after no sense and having to face the idea of sociopathy and how some(many in my case) don't follow any concience. Hearing such news did not fill me with glee. It all felt too cosmic and too deeply bizarre. I felt that it was some dream. I still do. The unbearable heaviness is not gone but there is a sense that maybe things do make sense in some way. Don't know at all if that's really the case or if "thinking makes it so." But, again vindication will only come when my name is cleared and the truth comes out. Notaro and a Stef Willen hold the keys to that barring the court thing I mentioned. Otherwise, my life is on pause, and has been so for a very long time.
be well ferns .
peace
For everyone who gets breast cancer, or any cancer, that is part of their karma. Karma is what happens to you in life. Why it happens, who knows? We all always speculate. People assume those who get lung cancer deserve it if they were smokers. We now know cervical cancer is caused by a virus. There is a huge correlation with thoughts, emotions, stress and illness, but that doesn't mean they cause them. There is plenty we do that increases our likelihood of cancers, even if we don't know it or no one told us it was "bad", and there is plenty we don't do to decrease likelihood. Because cancer is a result of multifold genetic and environmental and personal habit inputs. We all carry the potential.
Still, it is gracious of you to remove the post for implication. I had to remove a comment once related to a comment I made that sounded too incorrect as to be wrongly interpreted easily, and I didn't want it to be searchable (the statement was grammatically wrong and ultimately said the opposite of what was true, and it was related to HIV transmission). I was lambasted for intellectual dishonesty and cowardice, because I took down a comment related to it that repeated that statement. ??? Whatever.
I wish you well on your journey, and hope for some relief. I am not familiar with the person in question, either, and I hope she has some relief but still leaves you alone.
Hugs♥
You said vindication will come on August 29th when I have my chance in court.
I left out the quotes as I may not have the words exactly for the last half of the sentence. I remember the first part exactly.
As for the rest, you are lovely to accept you may have been misunderstood and you acted by removing the post.
Eternal defense wrapped in a victim's cloak rapidly seems like intolerance itself.
I’ll stir your karma initiative pot a little further. What if you dropped your case? I know. I know. What she did to you was terrible/awful/unfair. Life is terrible/awful/unfair. It is also chock full of grace, if you can see it. Imagine waking up, taking your first free breath with all this in your rearview mirror, with her released to move forward into what will certainly be the worst months of her life, and you, moving forward with the knowledge that you released her. You might be surprised at how good that might feel, of the size of your win, of how right you were.
Oryioki, I have great respect for you, but not this sentiment. Do you have an idea how it sounds to someone who has received a cancer diagnosis? Please. Think about that for a moment.
Oryoki Bowl: What a gracious and intelligent comment. You strike me as someone who is very intellectually honest. That would piss me off, but like you said -- Whateva! you know the truth and that is worth something big, I've learned. Thank you.
Fusun: Thank you. Appreciate it.
Justthinking: Well that is why you strike me as a kindred spirit. Kindred spirits rock, as the kids say. xo I'm starting to suspect that taking it down wasn't necessarily neccessary considering the people who took such issue ;>(
Greenheron: I have so many witty retorts to this most recent comment. But, it seems a waste of time and effort . Your comment is not well meaning and it is preposterous. You seem to act as if you know me and my motivations and you don't. I too do not know you. Let's keep it that way.
Good questions. I have to say that I don't know the answers.
My oncologist once admitted to me that there was more mystery to cancer than there was knowledge. She can be seen on Boston news broadcasts with someone's microphone stuck in her face nearly every time some new study comes out, and is not uninformed. Her answer made me scared. It also put to rest my hourly minutely secondly questioning, why me? Why not me? What could I have done differently? Nobody knows. Even if I could know, could I change it? No. So the question was let go, long time ago.
Another thing that is more mystery than knowledge is karma. I'll not touch that one, because surprising maybe, I'm not sure I ascribe to it. But if the definition of karma is unskilled words and harmful actions being returned to people in the form of cancer, I'm pretty sure every human who ever lived would have died of cancer.
About the what if you knew at age sixteen thing, I'm the fifth woman in my family to have breast cancer: my grandmother, mother, sister, aunt, and myself, all diagnosed within five years of the same age. Did we have wrong thoughts and actions? Did we all sleep underneath an electric blanket for too many years? Or more likely, is there a genetic component to cancer? Both my sister and I do not carry the BRCA gene. As Dr. L said, it's a mystery.
You are someone who gives care and counsel to people suffering with cancer, yes?. I offer this, because perhaps you would be interested in the view from across the table. Maybe the most hurtful thing ever said to me during treatment was by my yoga teacher, a kind and lovely woman, caring and well meaning. She expressed her genuine concern about my decision to have traditional medical treatment. She informed me with certainty that breast cancer was a result of meridian imbalance, and could only be corrected by herbal treatments. Surgery would ruin any chance I had to bring my meridians back into balance. She had no idea how much more difficulty she added to the maybe the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. Essentially she had expressed a similar idea as you did, that people cause their cancer with thoughts and actions, and by their thoughts and actions, they can likewise get well.
Perhaps this feedback is useful to you. Perhaps not. Take for whatever truth you find in it. I'd also add, that I never told my yoga teacher what I just told you. If your cancer patients aren't saying anything, that doesn't mean they're feeling supported.
Big difference between unskilled words and regular old inconsiderate assholeishness, and life destroying actions that steal so much from the victim. ie. rape, murder, character assasination. This is the difference you are failing to see for whatever reasons. You seemed to have aligned yourself with a sociopath strictly on the basis of a diagnosis. That strikes me as strange, unwise and ungraceful. Your comments about her set and how wonderful she did showed me the true colors. Your outrage that I should pursue a suit filed in May of 2011 is absurd.
I'm sorry I have missed so many posts by my friends of late. Although my heart is stretched far past my head here at home, there are still pieces of it floating in the air surrounding you all.
Greenheron, I really abhore when it is stated that one's thoughts or action Cause cancer and that opposite thoughts can cure, so I took note of your saying this in response to Oryoki:
"Essentially she had expressed a similar idea as you did, that people cause their cancer with thoughts and actions, and by their thoughts and actions, they can likewise get well. "
Where in the heck do you read that?
This is as close to that as I can see in Oryoki's comments:
"There is a huge correlation with thoughts, emotions, stress and illness...."
which is followed by the rest of the sentence:
"...but that doesn't mean they cause them."
I am confused.
I thought we all know there's a correlation between thoughts, emotions, stress and illness. Especially stress, as I understand it, and the cortisol released in response to it.
That's not saying thoughts cause cancer at all, so again, I'm confused. Could you clarify?
I do a hard struggle in my own life with the idea of enemies, especially in this political climate. I used to see Ronald Reagan as a giant enemy, a horrible person, a dangerous clown. Then my mom got Alzheimer's, and I recognized in old televised footage of him a certain look in his eye, a tilt to his head, a familiar gait. When he died, I saw how Nancy touched his coffin and whispered something. I realized that we shared something, we knew something, we both suffered in the same way. Does this mean I suddenly think he was a great President? Of course not. Does this mean that I was able to feel love for him and his family, as a result of a shared suffering? Definitely. As I said early on, it's a gray view.
Gandhi said that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. He was a wise man.
I'm now in contact with some people who have seen this happen to others when they wouldn't plea when innocent. keep an eye out.
Alas, god or whatever or whomever steps in and I'm free and without any criminal record, and in the position to sue because I had a "favorable termination" at trial. Hmmm. And, all along Notaro and her sinister attorney, Allison Hart of Lavely and Singer, push for this and make this happen with the help of a bunch of corrupted freaks called Jeffrey Dunn, John Gregozek, James Hoffman. The rest: who has the time to name em.
Then, Notaro keeps lying to cover up for her sick sick lies. Cranky, you are right about everything but you are not right( and rightfully so) about greenheron being well meaning. It is clear that she is not. I don't know why but it can be seen in the tenor and detail she provides. She says things that show her true intentions . Why such intentions? Who the hell knows.
JT: Yeah, she needs to clarify. Thanks for weighing in. So many seem fearful. Oy vey. She's of the " let me pick a sentence out of context, and turn it into some evidence school." I know the type.
GH: My BS detector is overloaded. "I figured"( again you have know idea who I am, lady) and s'okay was the clincher. Good luck on your" journey. " Please "dialog" with someone else.
Not that Fernsy needs any defenders from the insipid nigglers. She's quite able to handle such nuisances herself while taking mini-breaks from the heavy lifting she's been doing pretty much alone these past years defending herself, her sister and their mother from a rogue judicial system that seemed determined to grind these three women into the dirt. Why, one might ask – and should. Because they thought they could, “they” being arrogant, likely corrupt cops, prosecutors, private shyster lawyers and run-of-the-mill hack judges, allied for some obscure reason with a malicious show-biz character who for no known reason took a strong dislike to Fernsy and accused her of crimes Fernsy has proven in court to be false. What these pathetic excuses for public servants failed to account for in their rush to stomp the Spitzberg women into mush was the titanium backbone and sense of right with which each of these marvelous women are endowed. And the karmic trump card these bureaucrats are now facing is an honest-to-god honest judge, who has made it clear he sees thru the persecution and is about to spank the rogues and cut them down to size, finally vindicating the innocence and integrity of these three marvelous Spitzberg women.
One might be wondering at this point who is the unsung attorney who has been battling fearlessly and brilliantly for the Marvelous Spitzbergs. Well, there is none – at least there is no licensed attorney of record at the moment. Nope. There has been and continues to be a woman laboring from 4 a.m. throughout the day, every day, researching case law and legal procedure and preparing volumes of paperwork to help the honest judge get the full picture and have the record handy for when he will finally bring justice to this case with an order that very likely will shake the pillars of L.A City Hall. Who is this woman carrying the burden of proof that will at long long last vindicate the Marvelous Spitzbergs? Her name is Alisa Spitzberg.
We know her as Fernsy. You got it, folks. Take a bow, Ferns. Give the bastards hell. We love ya.
Cranky: Her response was jaw droppingly daft( and not well intentioned)I think she wants free tickets to a Tig Notaro show.
Just as I would fight any disease, I would fight this injustice.
Each comes forward offering their own experience, neither invalidates the other yet adds to the empathy we must feel for each other.
Rita: You 'get it" and it's a fine thing. 9 strip searches!!! I am the most unnudist person alive, and 9 strip searches. And, not a crime and not the slighest suspicion of a crime. My smited nemesis made that all happen .I'll never know why because there can't be an explanation that could make sense. Still, I'd love to hear any attempt at justifiation but it is not offered. Instead more lies gets served up. She has been granted opportunites so many times and she keeps making such evil choices. She was the friend of an ex friend. I did not know her . The hate isn't even personal because we don't even know eachother. Bizzarre and awful.
Jls: Thank you. But in the end it has so little to do with fortitude . I got a decent judge, and that is everything(litigation wise)from what I can gather.
xooooooooooooo-- and not drunk ones cause it's clearly too early for that.