I sniff a new editor. Therefore, I sniff my first and only chance at an Editors Pick before my Birthday. Out of the corner of my gimlet eye, I see this on the Open Salon cover page.
Open Call
Awesome stories for new OS editor
But, with different fancy formatting that I can't recreate.
All I need now is an awesome story. Jesus, please point me to the story that is awesome. Buddah, get off those big buns, and make it happen!Jehovah, bear witness once I succeed in this mission of awesome story.
Someone, anyone! It's awesome story time , and, for once, I want to stand up and be counted.
I have a good story about a pereodactyl in my toilet, and how we danced all night long, but Kim Gamble kind of stole it. Why do they let Australians on this site, Emily? Oh, I forgot, Emily might be gone for good, or just " trapping" with LKWalker.
I have the story about finding that Penguin in my dresser drawer, but that's too sexual. What about the one where that effing Walrus accosted me by the mailbox?
I'm in possesion of some nifty antecdotes and even a super awesome essay. Do they --wh0moever they mey bey-- mean like literally, "awesome", or new millenium usage of "awesome"?
Should I post it only if I can assure it will totally inspire awe in the masses, is what I'm saying. If I do pull this off, should I open an account with adsense?
Well, what should I do?
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Global Rev
Christine Murray
AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent
Dr. Julie Armstrong
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Steve Kenny
Salon.com
Comments
Awesome, by the way. xo
Jlsathre: It's been nearly a half hour and still no EP. If this doesn't get an EP soon I will go to Zoomers!
Joan: It is awesome,isn't it? She said goodbye to me. Sorry ;>(
Erica: I plan to collect EP's as if they were candies!
you always gotta go with the Walrus story
@Gary Justis
Mildly curious, out of which end did he shoot the glasses?
"BTW," as a teacher, I would like to "throttle" my colleagues who use words like "awesome!" and "amazing!" in just about every other sentence. Was it the self-esteem movement that did away with all nuance in our language?
Snippy: What is up with that insane overusage of awesome and amazing. What is that about? Now, I'm hearing things like that's "super awesome" in reference to paper plates. Hellooooo!
Trapping? It's a new vegan stress reliever, I'm guessing.
Jesus was in my scrambled eggs this morning..
I found out the botox injections came from a hog farm....
The list is endless.
All awesome of course...
but I wasn't sure if it was you, or that I had hit my head on a cabinet door. I do that a lot.
Mission: I wrote a piece using your name yesterday. Jesus in scrambled eggs is commonplace, in my experience. The rest: sorta awesome only ;>)
Chicken Maan: It wouldn't be fiction, sorry to reveal. I wanted my mother to wear it for her birthday tribute but she loves squirrels too much. So that's the new Ed. I. Tor? Figures.
FoolishMonkey: I can wish those cabinet doors shut from over here. Awesome? I think yes. You merely have to ask.
But I wish you the best of luck! I have faith in you.
but those doors...I KNEW you would!
you are SO awesome!
JeannetteDemain: We couldn't have know that we'd get this editor who would want our awesome stories. Thanks for the faith.
BP: no! You are awesome.
Ms.Monkey: Windows too, I swear.
Instead if writing I think you should put on your Nancy Drew hat and find out what;s going on to quote Marvin Gaye.
HUGGGGGGG
Maybe a post on trappers' sexuality and the eroticism of jagged steel.....?? That oughtta' get you on the front page if you get the proper titillating title....hmmm.
'Titillating Title.'
I like it.
Linda: Yesterday I had edith bunker. Today, Marvin Gaye. It is weird. Now, that open call is missing.
Myriad: Yes!
JT: Hee hee. I got to find that yoga post . Tittalating titles about trapping tigers? I'd bet LK is harrassing tofu somewhere.
Deborah: And, I in you. What did Joan say and where? She and you are awesome.
GeraldA: If I get one I'll die of shock and not write a word. The story behind your self destructive and snotty post sounds awesome. Good to see you.
by fernsy.
... still, maybe how would Jesus, Buddha, Jehova stand their ground ?
by Fernsy.
Kim: awesome story theif! Your Periodactly(sp?) was more violent but still. Yep, they got rid of it. Will have to think more of how Buddah, Jehovah, and Jesus would stand thier ground. hmmm. Finger to nose(copyright kim gamble) thanks for the inspiration.
AsiaR! Is that the reason? I like. Good to see you.
No one but you really knows what happened next. . . . .
SafeBetsAmy: Dyslexia or are you trying to say this post fails at awesomeness? Either way, thanks.
Trudiejackson: The dirty level of this story might get my account pulled. As I told Toth, one spring night -- I just might.
ChicagoGuy: twas a politician with a show biz girlfriend. What happened next was that I said, " I know. It is awesome" and every one went home. Thanks for reminding me . Do you remember any stand your ground stories of mine?
ConC: The bar for awesome is officially on the floor. Heard it ten times on TV, in the last hour!?
ChicagoGuy:It was Jack in the Box. Close. The Jack in the Box manager turned out to be gay( which was strange since he was a polygamist.) They are lifting the gag order on Callista Gingrich, that witch,next month. I'll be able to rag on her with impunity. She ran me over with her range rover, and I didn't stand my ground, basically. Nice that you listen, Chicago Guy. Bless your heart.
InvertedO: You heard right. Ommm to you senor grande.
Trudge: That would be my favorite hoax ever. Will do. Thanks, Trudge.
Lezlie
BTW, this is a TOTALLY AWESOME STORY!!!
AWE:
1."an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like: in awe of God; in awe of great political figures.
2.
Archaic . power to inspire fear or reverence.
3.
Obsolete . fear or dread. "
I would personally go obsolete & archaic, because of
the nostalgia craze, which is currently ruling the hollywood world
and hopefully the literary world.
go to the classics, like, uh, scarlett letter, &rewrite em.
from n. hawthorne's "Scarlett Letter":
"The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers — stern and wild ones, — and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Chapter XVIII: A Flood of Sunshine
Rita: Kind of went against the whole dashing male illustrator with Anna imagery.But, hey, I hear it's some brain food to ponder such uncertainties.
Lezlie: The Lster? I like it. It works.
Phyllis:midnight this saturday. Thanks fellow awesome.
James: Awe rocks is what I'm understanding.
You are such an awesome person yourself that no matter what you come up with for the OC, it will surely be awesome! Of course, now that the OC has vanished, will you still go through with it?
Bellwether: That word is the bane of my existence. Not since the word "beat" was used in my college days has a word rankled me so. I'm hoping that slowly but surely this word will get phased out. I can't take it any longer,frankly.