A short while back I wrote this post:
http://open.salon.com/blog/fernsy/2012/01/30/platitude_paralysis
Unlike most posts, I felt it needed another part. So many more sayings, stuck in my craw.
As a part of my( unfamous) headspace cleanse series:
Part 2
They say pride cometh before the fall. Hell, pride has officially been declared one of the seven deadly sins. Put pride out of practice though, and be prepared to hear, “ Have you no pride?”
Shrug it off with “Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never harm you,” as you cry in your beer, and pray someone stones or sticks you to death.
An oft repeated mainstay of a saying, and now a Kelly Clarkson song is , “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Both sayings( and the song) don’t account for the suicides whose last words were, “ Shove my massive strength up your ass. God closed the door and forgot to open the window!”
Or , what doesn’t kill you will make you write odes to the spiritual properties inherent in undergoing Chemotherapy, or something similar, as you kill time waiting to see if the cancer goes away, or at least stays in remission, so you can rue more days, in which to say, “ Everything happens for a reason.”
Too dark? It’s always darkest before the dawn so you should see the darkness as a good sign. Many dawns have come and gone with still no light at the end of the tunnel? Suck it up, and then suck down, a glass, half full of vodka, and squint at the clouds to find your silver lining.
They speak of the straw that broke the camel’s back .
They don’t make the time to tell you : Soon after the camel was told by a doctor that his back was broke, he listened to the wisdom that said he should get a second opinion . This doctor told him that only his right hump was broken. Eventually, the camel got his hump fixed, by that second opinion doctor, in the Sahara. The camel is still kicking, but soon had to seek out third and even fourth opinions cause his left hump still hurt. He is now hooked on Vicodin.
Unlike lighting, straws can strike twice.
If the camels name was say, “Dorothy,” then maybe some ass said, “ What did you expect. Dorothy, You’re not in Kansas anymore.” As if Wizard of Oz references ever helped anyone.
The same ass may also say, “ You reap what you sow” before the poor drugged out camel replies, " How the hell do you know what I sow… or reap, creep!?,” and gives this ass , a swift kick in its ass.
When it comes to advice and asses, the possibilities are endless.
Postscript:
Thr camel would then get beaten up by the ass . The ass did, in fact, break the camels back. The camel wanted to press charges, or at least, sue. He was advised that the local authorities were predisposed towards asses, and he didn't have a chance.
Many then advised the camel that he just needed to move on, and that living well was the best revenge. But, the camel was now such a mess that he was forced to live in a hospice . Living well was out of the question he assured them, but they just told him to keep his chin up, and to count on that whatever came around will go around.
The camel is still in the Sahara,struggling in his hospice, far away from any known Oasis's.
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Comments
In the film, "The Dark Knight," the late Heath Ledger said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stranger." I tend to agree. Great post!
That was one brilliant sentence
HUGGGGGGGGGGG
Erika:Glad you liked, friend Erica. The camels Saharan saga continues, unfortunately. Some biddy bullies are now harrassing him in the hospice. Ha. Stranger? Very likely.
LindaS: I hope it's clear that I mean donkey, as in don't covet your neighbors donkey, as a opposed to the other ass. Thanks, dear.
I too find "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" rediculous and ignorant. Under the theory that it's helpful to be nearly killed we should be taking the chemo patients to the pneumonia ward. What doesn't kill you usually leaves you weakened.
Excellent and wise, so many repeat useless platitudes without thinking about what they're saying. Thanks for directing me to the first post.
rated with love
RP: poor poor camel. He even makes humpty dumpty feel better about his own shattered life. xo
laughter's the best medicine not covered by our insurance policies....
Love this. I had missed the first post (and was surprised to go there and see that a post title of mine had inspired it.) For every stupid saying, there's another one that says the exact opposite. I'm sure there is enough for a third post someday.
lawyers didn't steal your Camel.
Judge rob Ya mom of a frisbee.
lawyer dog is nasty dachshund.
I suppose one can always look at it like this : as tiresome and oft irritating as platitudes and cliches are, at least they were said. Deafening silence I think might be much worse.
Rated for patience.
I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and blinded by it ~ I realized too late that the light was attached to a freight train.
Yes I KNOW I am blessed, things could be way worse, and yes I am grateful. Gratitude and happiness are not synonymous. Some days it just sucks to be me.
I'll be looking forward to Part III, Fernsy. You really rock siphoning the cruel realities of some of our most faithful platitudes and with such a laser-sharp (or is that macabre?) sense of understanding, empathy and humor one cannot help but to identify AND laugh ... perhaps reading this post will serve as a reminder that sometimes we of the human element do not wish to be *made stronger*.
Excellent insights and grateful you let these cats out of the bag! ;-}
~R~
Camels are unjustly maligned.
Cranks: Yeah, your post about where there's smoke there's fire.What song is that? Sounds like a song I'd like to hear. Vengeance is a weird thing. New to me ,but very natural seeming in certain circumstances. A don't knock it until you tried it sitch. ;(
ArtJames: Lawyers ,and other bad others stole our camels and our frisbees and maybe even our lives. We'll see. Glad you are alive is what I wanted to say.
Matt: Your faith is darling. I'm incapable of self promoting, much less self promoting the hell out of anything. You ae the best.
Sheila: In this climate the corrupt cops, they would call Simon Wiesenthal petty or obsessive . In my case, the corrupt cops, Gregozek and Hoffman, actually said, " Just let it go. It's not a murder" when I pleaded for them to talk to just one of the six witnesses who would clear my name completely. Now, I'm told that I am up against a big bad machine and there is no justice etc. "let it go." Infuriating, but fury isn't polite. Thanks for the commiseration.
The advantage I personally have in dealing with their paradoxical advice is that I am of the ‘bipolar’ persuasion. I am used to seeing things thru 2 diametrically opposed viewpoints, daily, ha! (More than two, if truth be told. Multi. Muli-polar…)
Pride cometh before the fall, yes, but once the fall has happened, then we need an infusion of pride in order to climb again to a place of a brand new fall. Sure, “god doesn’t give you more than u can handle, “ tis true. But he also “works in mysterious ways,” so that might be inaccurate. Usually he givesss me just exactly what I can handle til that straw…the camel one…where I reap what I, or God, or one of us, I am getting confused here, has sown.
The only damn relief I feel is in knowing that it is harder for a rich ass-h to get into heaven than a camel to pass thru the eye of a needle. I don’t want to see them profiting, those rich people. They cant take it with them! Haw on them! Arg.
Reverend Emmerling nearly has it figured out.
The passage he cites I believe was : " It is easier for a rich man to get into heaven than it is is for a camel with a right hump and a left hump to keep a saddle on".
I liked Erika K's quote from the late Heath. There's a lot of truth to it, and in a good way.
Alsoknowas: ? :)
James: Great comment. color us both confused. The god only gives you .... one is kind of true, in my case too. Well, so far.... at least, if you don't count nervous collapes. True, if we know he works in mysterious ways we can't ascribe him particular qualities.Still, often he does seem to work in mysterious ways if he exists at all. As for duality or bipolarity-- don't you see that as common, excepting for the symptoms that would entail a doctor diagnosing one with an illness?
alsoknownas: Thanks for supplying the full quote ;0)
Scarlett: Hmmm. Interesting about the Bactrian.Hmmm. Erika's quote was great. Makes me want to see that movie.
Bell: I think I said the camel was male but then forgot and said she might be called Dorothy. Too much pride must precede such falls. Schools for asses? You don't say. Always thrilled to see you.